Random People asking Questions - Advice Needed

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Hello,

I am asking for advice.
Does anyone know the best way to handle other children asking you questions in school? Many children randomly start talking to me and asking questions such as what year I am in and where I come from. I always answer truthfully but my answers seem to be wrong as people always think I'm weird.

They usually think I am 4 years younger than I really am (13, when I'm 17) but I look normal.
Also, how do I stop the conversation resemble an interrogation session?
Are they just being inquistive or are they teasing me or is this simply a normal phenomenon? How do I distinguish between ones who mean well and ones who don't?

The problem is enhanced by the fact that I do not recogise faces so I never know if I have seen any of these children before.

Answer the first question, then ask a question yourself, to get to know them better. You don't have to answer every question they ask, you can ask a question yourself instead of answering when it's your turn to speak. If they ignore your question and instead insist you answer theirs, they're not really seeking friendship.

Please others correct me if I'm wrong, because it's been a long time since I was in school. Though I face this "interrogation" a lot in adult life.

I think maybe that if the person pauses a lot and says things like "HEY what's your name?" and "So...umm...how old are you?" It's the pausing and using umms and hey and such while they think of their next question indicates genuine interest in learning about you. If they don't use those sorts of words and ask questions more quickly, then it is more of a pre-planned "interrogation" as you put it.

I could be wrong though. I often am.

I like to turn the conversation back on them if I'm getting uncomfortable - change the subject, "Hey what's that you've got there? What year are you in? What's your favorite subject/food/music?" Most people like to talk about themselves. It's a very effective way to distract them from "interrogating" you.

When I was in middle school and high school, other kids were always saying to me, "Hey Kim! What time is it?" I'd just look at my watch and give them the answer, even though it was obvious that it was part of some joke about me. People don't genuinely wonder about the time when there's a clock in the room. I still wonder why they did that, and why it went on for four years. What kind of joke could stay funny for that long?

I used to work at a place where a woman was called "hat" by many other employees for 6 years after she ONCE wore a hat to work. It's one of the reasons I left, how toxic can a work environment be if people behave like that?

I like to try to give people nicknames though, but only in a good way. It's like a, hey I like you enough to think of a pet name for you. The first time I met my gf's best friend, she was wearing this black tiered skirt. I called her cupcake because of it (it was a really cool skirt). My gf said later that her best friend didn't like it though, so when I'm just talking to my gf I might still call her cupcake, but never to her face (and it's not making fun of her, I just like the nickname). I would never want to hurt anyone's feelings. It was supposed to make her feel special.

I agree with others in the thread about how to handle it -- getting people to talk about themselves and their interests is almost always a good idea. So, ask a few questions of your own, particularly about what the other person likes.

I once had a teacher tell my whole class about how to have a good conversation:

A. Ask a question.
B. Listen to the answer you get.
C. Comment on the answer you get.

At this point, the other person will usually do one of two things. They will either ask a question of their own or they will comment on your comment. If they ask you a question, just answer it. If they then ask another question, you can answer it and try to ask them a related question.

On the other hand, if the other person just comments on your comment, try to ask another question that gets the person talking about himself or herself. As others have said, most people love to talk about themselves and so you won't go far wrong if you ask several questions in a row about the other person's interests.

Most NT like to ask questions as a first step towards making a friend. They may also be curious about you -- if you seem different from them, they may be inclined to ask a lot of questions to try to learn more about you.

Above all, don't worry about it. If you are an aspie, some aspects of social interactions will be harder for you than for the average NT. Remember, though, that NT make LOTS of mistakes too in social interactions -- we just make different ones than aspies do and we're just a little better at hiding it when we do say the wrong thing. If you think NT are masters of social interactions, just buy yourself one of those books of dumb things that politicians say. These guys have social skills that are far better than most people's, and yet they say enough dumb things to fill entire books! So, don't worry about it if you say something dumb. If you are nice to people, the ones that are worth knowing will accept you even if you sometimes say the wrong thing.

My son is an aspie and he is FAR better in conversations than he thinks he is. I suspect you are too.

*looks guilty* I'm afraid I can identify with the 'interrogater' - I do it too when i'm with people who are even quieter than myself. I find I ask questions when I don't know what else to say and I don't want the conversation to nose-dive into awkward silence (nothing against silence myself, but most people where I come from seem to be allergic to it). The result is, as you say, a very one-sided 'interrogation'...

I think the advice from people above is good: answer with questions of your own. It shows you're interested in them too and it's a lot easier to listen than talk...

(btw, if they are trying to annoy you, just ride it out. They'll get bored soon)

Thanks for the answers. Next time I will try to follow conversation steps like RudolfsDad suggested. I wil also ask them their name. I will make a question list - but with what sort of questions? My hobbies are theoretical physics and rocks and tropical freshwater aquariums but not many people like them.

Personal experience in a previous school disproves this.

One easy thing to do is to answer their question, then ask the same question back. So: "I'm 17, how old are you?"

If someone tells you their name, they'll expect you to remember who they are when you see them again. They might be offended if you don't recognize them. So maybe you shouldn't ask for their names. Also, I have a feeling these kids aren't really trying to make friends. It sounds like they might just be hassling you, because they can tell you're different from them. Are they approaching you individually, or is it usually a group? A group is much more likely to be people looking for an "outsider" to pick on.

In small groups from 3 to 8. But they are always polite.

Even if they are friendly, if they do tell me who they are at the start of each conversation I am never going to recognise them again so technically the same people could keep asking the same questions and I wouldn't really notice.
If they are not friendly, how can I tell? They don't necessarily have to say unfriendly things to be not friendly do they? But what are the symptoms of unfriendliness?

a lot of aspies look younger then their age. people think i'm 13 when i'm 16. sometimes younger, sometimes older. just ignore them.

This sounds like myself. I'm forever at a loss regarding hidden clues in people's behaviour. Hidden from me, because everyone else seems to have been born grasping these. If they're not blatant, I don't get it.

While you are talking to them, try to focus on their physical characteristics that stand out, such as red hair, body shape, etc. So next time you'll recognize one or two of them in another situation and say hello nicely. If they're nice back, you'll know they meant well.

As Mark Twain once said, "It is better to remain silent and have others think you are a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt."