Do you get frustrated when people don't say what they mean?

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One of the things that I find most exhausting is the thousands of mental checks I automatically do when talking to people because I have (mostly) learned that people don't say what they mean.

I have learned that when my flatmates say they want an honest opinion about how they look before they go out for the night, they actually don't, and I have to work exceptionally hard to work out the right thing to say.

I have learned that when someone says "lets do something you want to do, you pick - anything you like." They invariably don't mean "anything" they mean "anything within a set of parameters that I have in my head for stuff thats normal to want to do" and I have to go through a hundred checks to try to guage whats acceptable to them.

I say mostly because I still fail to spot them and end up beating myself up or angry that I haven't managed to grasp this yet - the checks are at most damage limitation.

Anyway, its just the thing that I find tires me out the most, all the mental checking I have to do and all the frustration at how much people seem to make things harder by doing this. I just end up mentally exhausted and wishing that for a little while I could exist in the world completely free of any sort of human interaction so that I can switch off.

I don't get frustrated unless they get upset at an honest response to their statement. If someone is fishing for compliments or being deceitful, I won't usually notice. I'll interpret sarcasm literally fairly often.

I usually don't have a problem with it, but it would mainly depend on the situation.

Tim

It took awhile but eventually everyone around me learned not to ask if they dont want an honest answer. Its easier than trying to interpret the hidden meaning behind everything.

The worst one is "I don't want to talk about it" and then having them get upset when you leave them alone. Ummm hello? Why say you dont want to talk if you do. It doesnt seem like a very good way to get what you need. People confuse me.

It generally annoys me.
It feels like they need me to waste my time stooping to that too.
One thing I don't get:
If they know everything's a bloody lie, then what's the deal?

I am pretty good at the whole sarcasm thing (mostly thanks to years of watching Jon Stewart), so in a lighter setting, I'm usually fine. My problem comes when people sound dead serious about something and it turns out that theyre lying...

Whisperer and toadofsteel....i agree on the points you both made.

I hate the mental checklist. I'v gotten to the point that I just say "mmhmm" or "nomp"(as in "nope" but easier to say) to anything that anyone says to me.

If they sound happy I say mmhmm and if they don't I say nomp and if they're confused by my answer I cover by saying "oh sorry, I wasn't actually listening, what did you say? They repeat it, I say yes, i do or no I don't and continue with ignoring them.

If all else fails I give my personal opinion on the subject and that just confuses them with my aspie logic and I end up leavoing them dumb/mute, staring at a wall.

I like everything laid out and straightforward. no beating around the bush, no hemming/hawing, vagueness, etc etc etc.

nice and direct.

anything short of that is an annoyance.

Yes and no.

I have to say no, because I have problems saying what I mean; so there are times that I don't convey the correct ideas with my words.

But I think other people do this for different reasons; like social politeness or general deceitfulness.

I get frustrated and confused.

You could try having a default, no-thinking-required response to some of the questions that come up a lot. "You look fine," is always a safe answer. "I don't know, what do you want to do?" is another one.

I tend to reply with non commital answers like "If your happy with it then it's fine" for "I woulden't be seen dead in it".

If you remain consistent with yourself, eventually people will come to expect nothing but honesty from you, and speak to you specifically to hear that kind of opinion. But that is only if you can ignore the initial exasperated reactions in the meantime.