Why can't I communicate sometimes?

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I have trouble just picking up the phone and dialing someone and talking. I also sometimes don't like answering the phone because I don't want to talk, or don't know what to say if it involves an emotional issue or situation.

I am afraid I will say the wrong thing, get angry because I have something to say, but cannot say it, or word it correctly.

Does anyone else have this problem? Is it something about thinking about the conversation, is that the conversation wears me out, is too stressful, or emotional? What can't I communicate? And do I deal with not being able to respond back to family members, co-workers, and others that call me?

Unless it is a techniqual call, I am struggling with it.

Best,

Idaho Aspie

Yes, I would tend to think this is common among aspies.

sometimes i spend months just thinking about calling someone before i actually might

This is me too. It gets in the way of everything I need to do.

But you don't have trouble with technical problems? Maybe because the person on the other side has you distracted from the current conversation with the technical problem you are helping the person figure out.

Yep, me too. When I was younger, I wouldn't use the thing if I had a choice. When I got older, I had to learn to deal. I still rarely call anyone though. I don't want to "bother" them.

Do you notice that calling customer service (for example) is a lot easier than a personal call?

Definitely, I sometimes don't answer calls for weeks.

Sometimes it's certain people for whom I don't pick up and sometimes it goes for everybody. Being depresses never helps but I just get so stressed when somebody calls because it just feels so sudden and unexpected, like I don't have control over who interferes with my life. It's usually just that I don't want to talk to people. Just thinking about all the deeper psychological reasons behind this makes my head hurt.

Yeah, I mostly hate phones. I only answer my cell phone because I know who's calling(Caller ID), it's usually my #4brother or sister and they don't call often or bother me much. When we had a land line I'd just let the answer machine get it.

I only use the phone if I have to and I have a clear goal/idea of what I'm going to say.

Calling to order pizza/chinese is easy for me. Of course I can order pizza online now even easier.

<3

I love my answering machine... just wish people I knew would leave a doggone message instead of hanging up.

edited by me

I'm just like this, and I hate it. It took me years to work out that I was even like that; I've always lived with someone else.

Caller ID makes it easier.

I think it's the stress and anxiety of not knowing what's going to happen, and thinking you'll do "the wrong thing" or annoy the other person. It can take me weeks to psyc myself up enough to call a utility company (though I'm not normally that bad). I'm better for work-related things (I suddenly have lots of confidence in what I'm talking about!), though I still vastly prefer email.

Being slightly distracted works wonders on me whenever talking to someone on the phone.
It assuages the anxiety and second-guessing, and as a result causes my words to flow more freely.

Good to know I am not the only one, but I feel for all of you too.

I wish I knew why. At work I don't have a problem with it. But personal issues, big time avoidance. Even family can be difficult. I think my brother is the only one I am somewhat comfortable talking on the phone with.

My ability to ignore telephones is excellent

I read once that phones are the optimal way for autistics to communicate, because both sides are blind to interpersonal social reactions. I remember thinking, when reading this, that the person who wrote that must either be really special, or yet another numbnut researcher.

I despise talking on the phone.

As for communication, I think it's a combination of problems; like being afraid that the person will think I'm stupid no matter what, so I speed up and try to get it out of my mouth before I lose my nerve. That, and my brain doesn't move linearly; instead it leapfrogs from topic to topic, faster than my mouth can keep up. I also think that's why my handwriting is so bad; it just can't keep up.

Yes I get this too. Before I have to actually make a call, I have to actually think what I'm going to say. But sometimes I freeze up in social situations but my boyfriend helps me out when he is with me.