taking criticisms

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How do other aspies feel about taking criticism?

I'm pretty open to constructive criticism myself - and was just wonderng if that's common among us...

I don't like mean criticism. Maybe that is also dependant on if I know the person or don't know the person. Sometimes people I don't know have given me their words of advice not asked for and I'm sitting there thinking, Who does this person think that they are?

One word of advice was "quit being so sincere" a person I didn't know. I thought to myself, how about you quit being so fake?

I don't feel the need to do what others tell me to do unless there is a really good reason for it.

I'm more prone to not even notice someone's criticism if I sense that they mean no harm.

I don't mind criticism. It's not good to carry around a big head and assume you're the s**t. The only way to grow is to know your weaknesses, inside and out.

I'm okay with constructive criticism, if presented in a neutral tone.

I recently took an online test for Asperger's, and one of the questions ask whether I could take criticism well. I'm pretty sure the 'Aspie' answer was 'no'. But that's new to me--I didn't know that taking criticism poorly was an Aspie trait.

It depends on many things; circumstances, my whimsical mood, tone, what I think of the person giving it, and so on.

In general, I am very fearful of the notion of being wrong, factually, about something. So if I see a spoof documentary about how spaghetti grows on trees, and I go around telling people that spaghetti grows on trees. Then someone says, "No, that is wrong, double check that." And I do double-check, and find that I was wrong, I will be very grateful to the person who corrected me, made me less wrong. This is educational criticism, and I savor it.

If I care about some aspect of how I operate such that I'm willing to adjust something in order to accommodate others, I want to hear about this too. Some things are open to revision, and others are not. A few people here have told me my posts are too long. This is a simple function of how I think and communicate, and is not open to revision, so I tell such people to skip my posts (partly because I do know there are others who do read them, and have told me so). So the criticism is not bad, it is constructive but not actionable criticism from my perspective. (Yes, I'm technically mis-using "actionable", but the misuse is one that is in accordance with modern common usage.)

But, then some other people say they like to read my posts, but they are so long, and it is hard to keep track. And someone suggests, maybe more paragraph breaks. And I think, "Wow! That I can do, and so I will." And I am more inclined to listen, because the person who says this happens to be a friend. And then later I hear similar things from other people, and I think, that was good criticism. Imagine this message with no paragraph breaks. I used to write more like that, for all of my stuff is stream of consciousness. This is another criticism I savor, for it is constructive and actionable.

Then there are criticisms of me as a person. I'm happy and comfortable with who I am, not really inclined to change anything. Yes I'm very strange. Yes, I'm very unconventional; "bohemian", one of my friends is fond of calling me. Yes I’m blunt and tactless. So if someone says, say, I'm not social enough, need to go out more, I'm inclined to handle that kind of criticism poorly. As in, "f**k off and don't bother me about that again." poorly. The person giving the criticism may be well meaning, but I categorize these kinds of things as inherently unconstructive, and unwelcome. These kinds of criticisms tend to be rooted in misunderstanding, and tend to annoy me.

And then there are criticisms that are just plain wrong. I try to correct this as best I can, will spend a lot of time doing it, but will also eventually give up if I make no progress. I took a year off of work as a make-shift sabbatical a couple of years ago; it was a bad time in my life; I was very troubled and broken. And one of my friends (an old friend of some 20-odd years) kept saying, "You should get a job! You'll feel useless and not like a man if you aren't working."

And he believed what he said; but it was entirely wrong. I was perfectly comfortable not working, spending my time doing other things, or nothing at all. What he was doing was projecting his own feelings on to me as criticism, and it was absolutely and completely wrong. The "be more social" thing is similar, but this was just plain wrong and bad, unfounded criticism, and is also rooted in misunderstanding.

Good fortune,

- Icarus welcomes criticism, but reserves the right to react to it in nondeterministic ways...

I don't like criticism OR compliments. It's too much notice being taken of me.

Constructive criticism is good. I have to be careful if I think I've been insulted, though. I have to verify the insult because sometimes I misunderstand what was said.

Constructive criticism, when presented one-to-one, objectively and rationally, is a learning opportunity and I appreciate the thought taken to present it as such.

Any other kind, particularly from someone for whom I have little respect, or of whom I am suspicious of their motives, will get a "So?", "Whatever", or "Bite me" response. I have gradually learnt not to take this kind of criticism to heart and fret over it, but when I was younger it used to upset me a good deal.

Compliments I really can't deal with, and I try to deflect them onto someone/thing else.

It doesn't bother me at all.

Getting criticised can be really embarrassing I think, but I get annoyed if people only compliment me even though I KNOW I have a lot of improvement to do. I always try to listen to constructive criticism because I think it's healty.

Critiscism without insults is useful.

I struggle with the possibility of being criticised, because I have a real problem with not having covered all possibilities myself, hence my fear of criticism is an internalised fear that I may not have lived up to my own expectations of myself. This tends to lead to procrastination when near the end of project, because I keep checking the data, re-reading, editing, etc.

i just smack 'em upside the head

Criticisms themselves do not bother me, but I tend to worry about what they are meant to imply. Criticisms from coworkers can forewarn trouble, as can criticisms from friends. I worry that the criticism I hear is just a small example of how the person feels about me and that their negative attitude towards me will intensify to the point where it has some kind of tangible impact on my life. I guess this is paranoia?