anyone else a cutter?

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I used to be as a teenager but I just picked it back up. Last time (when I was a teenager) was when I was like 19. I used to carve stuff into my arm and legs. First time, though was when I was 14. I took a pair of scissors to the top of my hands. Everyone looked at me like "what the hell did you do?"

Anyway, I've been having the urge again to do it some more. I did this week. I took a sharp non-serrated steak knife to my upper forearm and made 8 good sized gashes and it felt really good for some weird reason. It was a rush.

Strange how when I cut myself, it feels good but when I stub my toe, it hurts like hell.

I had another urge to cut today at work. If I had something more sharp than my keys, I probably would have.

Well, I start counseling tomorrow, I'll ask her but I'd like to know your thoughts.

I have, on occasion. In the past I was more urged to choke and pound myself, but a few months ago I began scratching myself with scissors, mostly on my calves and feet.

Only on a minor scale, years ago, but I stopped. Try pinching or slapping instead, it might help some. Does less damage too.

Think about WHY you are doing it, what feelings give you the urge? Understanding yourself is often the key to changing. Yeah, we suck at change, but still. Think on it.

Its a rush of adrenaline to bleed or harm in a controlled manner. Stubbing your toe would probably hurt more because it is a very sensitive area and its not usually intentional. I know any time i did it, there was a feeling of control and it didnt hurt as much, but more like an intense focus and controlled pain levels. Adrenaline levels help you feel good as well as the endorphin rush you get from your body alerting you of an injury. Its different. very different.

I never could understand cutting. I always had a strong aversion to it, even during the brief stage of my life when I was contemplating the possibility of ending my life. (I was never actually suicidal, so don't take that the wrong way.)

I heard that one way to satisfy the urge to cut, is to straighten the end of a paperclip, and scrape it across your skin. I heard that it gives an acute sensation like cutting, but without actually cutting. I don't know how well that works, but it's worth a try.

I used to cut all the time. I did it because of guilt. I thought I killed 350,000 people with my dreams back then and now I realize that was just a delusion. Now I am not guilty of anything. I am innocent! So, I really don't cut anymore. When I do cut, it is because I am very depressed or something went horribly wrong (like my mom going back into the hospital dying or something like that). My mom almost died this year and yes, I did cut that day. But that was all the way back in May on my mom's birthday. That was sad. By the way, I used a razor blade to do my cutting. I bleed a little bit but not much. I still have the scars on my arms from all the way back last year. That is when I cut the most. I was horribly depressed, guilty, and suicidal at the same time. I hope and pray that I never will cut again.

I haven't really cut since years ago. I was really bad back then. It got so bad I was using those blunted scissor at one point!











Yeah. Craft time during Kindergarten rocked!!

Look at other cultures like in the middle east or cultures like aboriginal ones and there are recorded incidents of cutting during periods of mourning, flailing one's own body until injury/bleeding, and also the cutting of hair in chunks, not like a nice haircut.

It's not like this is something people invented in the last 20-30 years.
With a history of it around the world, I would say there's something possibly inherent in humans.

Heck, take a look at other animals... ones that sometimes gnaw at their own legs until the fur is completely gone and a big sore erupts.

I've used some pain for stims but I wouldn't say I've ever cut like what you all are describing.
I have imagined (eerily realistic too) things like stabbing myself or bringing a hammer down on my hand, etc.
It's been a while and I can't remember what kind of mood or frame-of-mind I was in at the time, but I never acted on any of them.

No. Have to say I don't understand why anyone would, it's alien to me. I don't think I would feel good hurting myself. And I'm allergic to pain. Unless I have an ingrown nail or splinter causing me great pain, then I'll attack it(Remove the foreign object) and not care about the pain. I also don't understand how anyone could let an ingrown nail fester for over a year so they have to have a toe or finger removed. But there are so many strange things out there people do.

So you want my opinion, I think it's weird, but no weirder than flesh hook suspension. Ok, actually that freaks me out.

That actually intrigues me! Not that I would do it.

When I saw the Sun Dance in 'A Man Called Horse', I became almost obsessed with planning how I could suspend myself just like the Sioux did in those ceremonies. My brother too... I mean, he wanted to also.
Later on when we were immersed in Native American things, I learned they would also attach buffalo skulls to their backs and drag them around until their skin broke.

The closest I have ever come to really making marks on my body was over a year ago when I went to a body piercing parlor and had my ears pierced.

Not since I was a teenager...

hate when this happens....

Last edited by poopylungstuffing on 10 Dec 2007, 1:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

oops...repeat

Last edited by poopylungstuffing on 10 Dec 2007, 1:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've never really been a cutter. In middle school, I used to scratch designs into my arms with pencils, but they never lasted very long. I didn't really want to draw blood, but the raised marks I made were kind of cool.

More recently, I started burning myself. I was always very careful because I didn't want to leave scars. And I didn't want the burns to be visible, so I did them on the underside of my upper arms.

I haven't done that for probably a year now.

There are a couple of really big scars on my arm. They're the only ones that are visible, though: were the cuts I made as a teenager visible (over 10 years ago now), my arm would be a veritable latticework.

All I can do is really say why I cut at the time: it was a focus, and it helped quantify emotions. I often cut when life hurt, but I was unable to really express how it hurt. I've always had a hard time crying. When I cut, I'd cry, because of the physical pain, but I was crying because of the emotions I was feeling. It's just that when I felt purely emotions, I was never able to express them. Not in my face, my language, nothing. But I needed to get that out. Adding in a physically painful focus means I could cry, express in an emotional way what I was emotionally feeling, something that otherwise my body and entire being had a block on. It was just a way to make that feeling real in a tangible way. FWIW, I hear that those with Asperger's often use music or other sensory stimuli to express emotions they cannot otherwise deal with, and "let them out" so they can deal with them. That's certainly how I'd characterize my cutting.

I'd ask myself what major emotional events I was going through, what I couldn't find another way of dealing with that was somehow being expressed through my cutting. Look at the cutting as a window to other problems, not an issue in and of itself. FWIW, I don't think of my cutting as a negative. It helped me through something that I'd have otherwise not been able to cope with. Had I not had that focus, I don't know what else I'd have done, but I doubt it would have been pretty. Don't try to judge what you're doing as a negative. Analyze it to understand it, sure, but don't be judgmental. You may be able to learn something about yourself, and condemning your behavior makes it hard to understand it, because you start out with a negative spin.

I don't feel the urge to cut, although when I'm really upset I might punch a wall really hard or something like that.
Or when I'm feeling down, I do something physically aggressive, like sprinting 10 miles or something.
I think the endorphins/adrenaline released when your body sustains damage or do something extreme ease the pain in your soul.

To tackle it, you ought to identify and neutralize the reason why you're down, alternatively find some better way of handling it that doesn't leave big ugly, disfiguring scars saying "I'm a useless, whiny emo" to everyone who sees them.