Why do we whine so much but do nothin to solve our problems?

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I think a lot of us can be like that sometimes . We whine and whine about our problems but rarely do anything to solve them. Let me take myself, for example. I regularly whine about my lack of social skills, my communication problems, my pitiful physical appearance and my job, but I rarely do anything to try to solve those problems. In all this time, I haven't made an effort to make new friends or push myself into social situations, I am as quiet as always, I don't want to break a sweat and I never feel like going through the trouble of searching for a new job.

I whine, whine and that's pretty much how I occupy myself during my free time. I know I should make an effort to stop whining, but I don't feel like doing that because for some reason I'd rather keep whining even though I know I shouldn't. I imagine my constant whining is just a manifestation of some type of conceited martyrdom I've grown accustomed to.

Does anyone identify?

we need to develop a real aspieculture so that we might pool our experiences and wisdom and learn from one another.

And now you are whining about whining. Which I find quite amusing.

I think that this is one of two main dangers of the AS label.

Before I found out about AS, I believed that my problems were due to myself being weak-willed, scared, unwilling to be social. This gives me the impetus to work hard to correct them. Now I realize that many of my problems were due to innate causes, which makes me realize that working hard to correct them and become normal or NT would be wasted effort. Hence, in realization that this is the way we are, it will lead to inaction, followed by whining.

But the situation you are probably in happens to many people, including NTs, and sounds pretty similar to the one I'm in now. Plenty of people are too lazy to change their job when its not working for them.

I do remember learning in my abnormal psych class that depression is not caused by adverse events, but rather by the feeling of "learned helplessness" which is the feeling that you're going to fail no matter what you do, so you have no incentive to do anything. This sounds like what you might be going through.

For that reason I am thankful in many ways that I did not find out about my aspergers until my senior year of high school (I'm currently a sophmore in college). Because as far as I knew I had no reason to be different from everyone else and no excuse not to fit in I pushed myself to do better in social situations (which is hard when you don't realize that you are doing anything wrong except for the fact your peers avoid you and your parents constantly scold you for things you didn't know were wrong). My parents also pushed me to get involved in things. If I and my parents had known about my aspergers before highschool they would have made excuses for me and I would have made excuses for my self. But because I figured I was normal (if not just anti-social) I developed coping skills I never would have gained otherwise.

Now that I know about my aspergers I can give myself some slack because now I know I wasn't stupid all those years I'm just wired differently and I require less social stimulation than normal people. I have my best friend Amanda and a few other friends from school I talk to and hang around with occassionally and that's enough for me. And ironically enough now that I have a dorm room to myself I'm much less lonely than I was when I had a roommate (probably because she completely ignored me and having someone in the room who refuses to speak to you is more lonely than actually being alone.)

Anyway, yes it is easy to make excuses and whine about our problems but we also can't expect to suddenly become social butterflies either. I consider any socialization I get during the week outside of my family as progress.

who's "we?" Speak for yourself.

well...small steps. Some things you can change, some you may have more trouble with.

I'm trying to learn the symptoms, and observe when I exhibit that behavior. Then try to tone down the quirks. It requires more thinking, but it maybe can be done. If I can do it, anyone can...

John Galt - Hero of Axenar, mad as a hatter
It is by Caffeine I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of the bean that thoughts acquire speed, speed becomes a warning. It is by Caffeine that I set my mind in motion...

It's easy to whine, heaven knows I've done my share. People used to tell me I'd complain if I was hung with a new rope...

It's always easier to whine than it is to try (and fail).

Pakled. You actually read my siggy! Yip!

Sometimes it's just nice to have a whine about things that are bothering you.

I know it would be more productive to whine and then try and fix your problems, but the human mind is not wired to automatically do so. We as human beings, have to really give it everything to face up to our own problems...it's not as simple as thinking of a way to fix it and then 5 minutes later it will be done.

i only think i havent made an effort, i have. and thats why whineing is alright

Yes I see that a lot on here. Aspies whining about how bad their lives are when they know they can do something about it but choose not to. It's like they're using it as a crutch. That's why I don't whine about my problems. Because I know I can try harder, I just have to keep trying to be a better person and keeping working hard. When I know I can't do something like change the way my mind works, I don't complain about it. I remember trying to get rid of Aspergers when I was 12 because I thought it was something you can get rid of if you try real hard. If you keep failing, try harder. I complained about it a lot when I was 14. Anything I couldn't do or anything I wasn't good at I blamed it on AS thinking it was the cause. But after reading about it finally, I saw what it really was and how mild my condition is. Some things I did was just part of being me, some of it was just anxiety, depression, the OCD, ADD. But it did explain to me why I wasn't good with having friends.

Me whining about stuff in my life makes me feel like I am wanting attention and seeking people to feel sorry for me and I don't want to be like that. I don't want to sound like some sad depressed adult who likes to blame all her problems on other people and on her conditions.

I change the things than I can.

My biggest problem is that I whine to myself inside my head all the time. If I build up the courage to actually talk to someone about my problems and get a positive response I always feel much better afterwards. I find that then I can work towards solving things.

Unfortunately, most of the time I just keep my problems to myself, and then I get myself into a deep rut where I just avoid everything. Maybe its because I always see people being derided for expressing negative emotions. I don’t understand why people do this as I’ve never had the urge to kick somebody when they’re down. Isn’t whining every once in a while better than just keeping all your thoughts inside? Anyways, now I just assume that the majority of people are going to be complete sh*theads if I say anything about my problems, so I just keep it to myself. Most of the time I feel like pressure cooker waiting for something to push me one millimeter over the edge.