I think I know what fake eye contact is

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12 Dec 2007, 4:24 am

It's when you're looking at someone but you aren't looking at them in the eye.

I used to think eye contact was looking at people so that's what I did but my shrink said no it's not. It's looking at them in the eye.



RudolfsDad
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12 Dec 2007, 8:48 am

I think that is part of it, but it's also possible for someone to look at your eyes in a way that looks "fake". To me, there is a subtle difference between looking "through" my eyes and looking "at" my eyes. Maybe the difference has to do with some combination of circumstances and what expression the person has on their face.

Example: If I see an old friend and he looks at my eyes and smiles widely I interpret that to mean that he is glad to see me. If, however, I see a perfect stranger staring at my eyes for a long time with a blank look on his face, it feels somehow "odd" to me. Maybe it's just that, if a stranger is interested in me enough to stare at my eyes, I would expect some kind of clear facial expression to be associated with it. The person may really like my appearance, he or she may really dislike my appearance, or may be angry at me for some reason, or may look confused as if trying to decide whether or not he or she knows me. In any case, I would expect the rest of the person's face to show some sign of the positive or negative emotion. If he has a "blank" look on his face and is still staring at my eyes, I feel like he is looking "through" me.

Maybe its that I naturally associate eye contact with a desire for some kind of social connection. That desired social connection might be good, like friendship, or bad, like a fight. Either way, though, I tend to expect the eye contact to be associated with some facial expression that would give me a clue as to the type of social connection the person is thinking about. If the person is looking at my eyes and I can't read any kind of emotion in his face, I find it to be very disconcerting. I think that might be what most people describe as looking "through" their eyes.



jjstar
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12 Dec 2007, 8:56 am

Goes along very well and in compatibility with the rest of the hypocrisies, lying, two-facedness, insincerities, forked-tonguedness, empty promises and keeping the truth hidden swept under the rug. Except where human beings are concerned, sooner or later something's gotta give, either through implosion or explosion. It's a matter of personality you know.


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scumsuckingdouchebag
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12 Dec 2007, 11:22 am

Looking at their mouths is usually sufficient so you don't look like you're ignoring someone(was useful in school), but looking at their eyes is intimidating.



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12 Dec 2007, 11:55 am

I very rarely make "true" eye contact. But faking eye contact by looking at the general vicinity of the face? Yeah, I can usually do that. It always surprises me when my therapist says "you've been making good eye contact this time" because usually I haven't been looking at her eyes at all. I guess a lot of NTs can't tell the difference.



richardbenson
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12 Dec 2007, 12:01 pm

im an eye gazer. like a skiddish gazelle in the bush :jester:



RudolfsDad
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12 Dec 2007, 12:21 pm

srriv345 wrote:
I very rarely make "true" eye contact. But faking eye contact by looking at the general vicinity of the face? Yeah, I can usually do that. It always surprises me when my therapist says "you've been making good eye contact this time" because usually I haven't been looking at her eyes at all. I guess a lot of NTs can't tell the difference.


I know I can't tell the difference and I'm better than most at reading eyes and faces. So, I think most NT will think you are making good eye contact if you watch their mouths.



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12 Dec 2007, 12:26 pm

I do a lot of nose and mouth looking. Ocassionally brushing by the eye and then looking away, thoughtfully. They have no clue.

It is a good skill to learn when you job interview. Eye contact is important. There are ways to get around it when you have to.



scumsuckingdouchebag
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12 Dec 2007, 12:28 pm

Quote:
It is a good skill to learn when you job interview. Eye contact is important. There are ways to get around it when you have to.


One thing I'm still trying to learn and haven't quite yet gotten it right.



EvilKimEvil
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12 Dec 2007, 1:06 pm

When I was a child, my mother used say, "She looks through people! She doesn't look at people; she looks through them!"



Frosty
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12 Dec 2007, 1:30 pm

This is where I part sheets with normal Aspie. I look folken right in the eye jumpign from one eye to the other, no problem.


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fabshelly
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12 Dec 2007, 1:32 pm

I study people's right pupil. Works.



soundlessenigma
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12 Dec 2007, 1:45 pm

My speech teachers always told me that the best strategy for me to fake eye-contact was to look at their foreheads.

Haha, skittish gazelle... my eyes are always moving unless they're focused directly at the ground.