I feel guilty because I can't show emotion

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Just a couple of months my Tigger my cat died I was extremely upset on Christmas eve my other cat Tiddles died he was 14 and had hyper thyroid and and was losing weight when he went on beta blockers he became really ill. I think that may have finished him off.

The problem is even though I'm sad I never cry. I feel guilty because I am unable to show emotion to show how much I loved Tiddles. I loved both my cats with all my heart so what the hecks wrong with me?

Last edited by Shadowbound on 26 Dec 2007, 5:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

There's nothing wrong with you.

My husband has Asperger's and his face is blank of expression but I know he feels emotions.

You need to accept yourself.

Helen

Exactly as Helen said.

Not showing emotion is not, not having emotion.

With me it just slowly peculates though, I am still morning my dad who died 2 years ago and expect this will continue for some time yet. I do not show it or share it but sometimes out of my memory I recall the most wonderful experiences feel powerful emotion and as yet I have still to shed a single tear.

I can relate. My mother died prematurely just six months ago. I'm not one who knows what he's feeling at any given time, but I did cry while she was dying, right there in front of me. But back home, I slipped easily back into my routine and rarely thought of her -- for a while.

From time to time quick associations hit and I feel sad, but I do feel guilty because I can't open up and cry over losing her. But also I see signs of emotional distress that I didn't notice before this past summer -- more fights with the wife, punching the wall -- not like me at all.

Something's going on under there. I just have to trust that it's appropriate, my way of honoring the memory of my mother.

dp

I think it's a trait a lot of people with AS appear to have, along with the inability to show empathy. I myself rarely cry--I once heard my mom marvel at the fact that I never cried at sad movies. That doesn't mean I don't *feel* sad, though. Heck, I feel sad 90% of the time, but something has to really shake me up in order for me to cry. (I *did* cry when my dog died almost two years ago.)

A feeling for this topic?

I have often been told? that I do not feel emotion. I know that when I talk to people (rarely) their faces seem blank, that is, they don't seem to display any emotion, but then I am a very poor interpreter of facial expression, or at any rate they do not display emotion because they are somehow aware that I cannot read them anyway.

Perhaps. This is beginning to read very convoluted.

From what I can read, Shadowbound, you do express emotion, though perhaps it does not show on your face. I feel empathy that you have lost your animal friends. I hope they were not in agony just before they passed.

I am not always the best person to assist with those who are grieving, but i have tried my best.

Hi Shadowbound,

By writing the above posting, you showed a lot of emotion.

If you never cry, that is just fine. The only thing that matters about crying is to make sure this is not due to a physical blocking of tear production from the eyes. Sometimes people with something neurological are not aware of the progress of disease and so are prone to noticing only when disease is very advanced. As long as you don't do lots of "dry" sobs, don't worry!

Grieving usually lessens over time, even with the most emotionally-evident people, for want of a better term. The love that you have in your heart for your cats will never die. I can feel that love in your posting, and that is very beautiful.

I find I can emote more for the loss of animals than I can for family/other people. Losing pets really messes me up, but I have lost three grandparents, and have never felt anything close to sadness for them. I get annoyed that they are not here for me, but that is about it. Movies can make me sad, only certain ones, though, and that is because of the soundtrack, not the story. Yet I can get really upset if someone knocks something over that should be stood up (cigarette lighter, for instance, has a flat bottom, and must be stood up, parallel to the cigarettes). I feel nothing over what I read in the newspapers, sometimes annoyance if the story has been carried on for a while, no empathy, though. I reserve that for one friend.

thats not a big deal, my mother already knows im not going to her funeral. we laugh about it

Yeah I have a hard time showing emotions too. I didn't when my dad was about to die.

As long as you know you feel emotions, you shouldn't feel guilty.

I never know what do when people are crying. Should I try to hold them? Should I say some cliche thing like "every thing will be ok"? Do I just stand their and let them cry?

I agree with this.
My great grandfather died this June. Now, when I heard that he died I didn't cry even though I WAS sad, I just said..."oh ok".

At his funeral I didn't cry either. I was sad of course, but just didn't really express it.
I still haven't cried about his death.

I know that I am sad that he died so there fore don't feel guilty that I haven't cried.

Honestly, this is something about AS that I am trying very hard to understand. I've been thinking about it, and I would definitely feel very sad if my dog were to die. Heck I feel bad about my brother's cats going to the pound. But when my grandparents died, I just felt- like nothing I've felt before. I only cried immediately upon hearing my grandfather died . When my grandmother, other grandfather, and uncle died, I cried, but later and not as intense. I got very sad and extremely existential. I still cant shake that feeling off that everything around me is going to die.

I do understand getting upset if something gets knocked over, that's OCD and also a build up of frustration, but just cant get why people round me dont get existential when loved ones die. It's difficult for me to get my head around that.

Is there a difference in the AS mind between people and animals? There seems like there is.

Guilt is an emotion. You're feeling it. Ergo, your faculties are still functioning - at least partially. Whenever my emotions start running dry, I try to find experiences that will exercise them, like watching really funny movies, or really sad ones. Or books that run the gamut of emotions - A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, for example - or watching good stand up comedy. Anything to break the dams.

I can't show emotions as well. In fact my face is usually not less blank and deprived of emotions than the face of Kristiana Loken in Terminator 3. Or, on the other hand, I lose control over the muscles of my face and I start smiling in the most inapropriate moment, like for example recently when our fridge was broken and my mother was angry because talking to her then I was smiling and she thought that from some mysterious reason I found that issue hilarious. Anyway, my emotions are pretty week what, I think, is very useful.

Sorry for your losses. That's very sad to have had to endure.

Regarding emotion - you might find this article to be of some initial help. Once you begin to understand how the brain functions and what impedes the flow of emotions - you might want to start looking into ways to reconnect the neurons - which is possible. The brain will always adapt to whatever stimuli it is given and repair/reconnect and grow new connectors. Never give up. Here's just one article of the many out there - http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/47770.php