Empathy

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Another of those common "Do all aspies...?" threads. I've seen alot of aspies on here wishing they could interact better, and it made me think. Personally, I don't care. I go many days saying less than 100 words total.

But extroverts tend to SHOW how happy they are, which for some reason is extremely contagious with me. If I'm in a bad mood, even a really bad one, than a short amount of time around such a happy person often cheers me up. And while the happiness is not my own, somehow I get a similiar joy from it. I don't think the difference is much between their level of happiness and mine. That is really the only social interaction I get much out of, seeing someone else (that I like) happy.

So my question is this... do other aspies sometimes have this joy, just being near someone they know who is happy? And if you do, would prefer something that made you genuinely happy, or do you enjoy the empathy just as much?

I don't know if this answers your question, but my feeling is that the happiness you get from being around someone who's in a good mood is just as real as the happiness you get from anything else.

Yes, it's nice to be around people who are upbeat and/or happy. But more and more nowadays I find myself wondering whether people's 'positivity' is actually an act, the 'story' they tell themselves. I am growing to believe that NT people particularly are very adept at self-delusion.

And what is happiness anyway? Georgia O'Keefe said, 'Happiness goes like the wind. What is interesting stays.'

I suppose that I'm more interested in the 'interesting' and in 'contentment' (I.e. absence from anxiety). And those things, as far as I can see, come from within to a large extent.

Well, it's preferable to actually dealing with that person. If they're happy, they don't need me to cater to them

I'm not fully extroverted, but I don't have problems showing empathy.

Tim

I find that outwardly just "acting" happy can sometimes make me actually feel happier when I'm in a bad mood. It's a cheap trick, but it works. I think a positive attitude really can help sometimes.

I love people who are contagiously happy, they're fun to be around.

I don't tend to have "empathy" for someone's good mood. If I'm busy or preoccupied those people tend to annoy me more than anything else. If I like someone, even slightly, and they're having a problem or a bad day, I find it easy to empathize with them. If someone is on the spectrum, even if I don't particularly care for that person I can empathize with them. I have great empathy for children, even 'in the abstract' such as the babies dying of heatstroke in the shelter in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. I've noticed I have much MORE empathy for children since I've had some of my own. On the other hand, if I hear some terrible news about someone I dislike, it doesn't affect me at all. I've gotten some strange looks over the years from co-workers about that.

This might sound wrong, but I don't feel I have empathy at all.

I feel it's something I've taught myself simply because I had to care about someone or something, but inside I feel I only care because of something I might gain or lose.

I feel only through music can I feel others pain..

Others good moods tend to grate me the wrong way if I'm not in the best mood, but when I'm feeling positive I can laugh and mess around for hours.

Feelings are annoying. When I was a kid at school, this stupid "new age" thing was common.
Each class pretty mcuh occupied itself on pseudo-psychiatric crap asking "how does this make you feel?" or "how does that persons feelings make you feel?" I failed at that, because I don't get it. I don't want to. I've learned to emulate most emotions, and I do feel some ordinarily (like anger) but empathy I still don't get, even though I understand it intellectually. Why?
Why should I care about another persons feelings? I'm not that other person. They shouldn't pretend to care about mine, either. That's empathy, right?

Most individuals with an ASD will show deficits in empathy; from none at all to an "impairment" compared to normal people. Like many things, there'll be outliers here and there.

I'm in the not at all camp; I don't care [anymore].

Funnily enough I have a different problem with Empathy.
I love being around people who are happy, but I get WAY too upset when people are unhappy.
I can't watch true stories or read them. I get way to upset at sad bits.
Part of my diagnosis involved an over-sensitivity to empathy.
My little cousin has a diagnosis too, age 12. And he is looking to be the same. Worries about everyone, and can't sleep if he thinks someone is unhappy.
Being around happy people, or making them happy? That's great though.

Being happy because someone else around you is happy is a normal human thing, and I'm sure Aspies experience it just as much as NTs. Genuine joy is never a bad thing, and I think it's also that you're happy for them in addition to getting happy from them.

How does that make him/her feel is a rather absurd question and an annoying one. It is an obvious question, really, because when someone is asking it the so called other person has obviously had his/her feelings hurt somehow--hence the question. So, how would you answer? She/he feels good. No, ---bad...duh. I think it is patronizing and insulting to one's intelligence.

I don't recall being asked this and if I were, I'd be hard pressed to reply. "Feel" is a vague word, too. I wouldn't presume to know how someone feels, and if I do empathize with somene it is private and based on my own instincts about the situation. If I miss something, it is for me to stumble upon not for some other jerk to ask me "how do you think this makes him/her feel?"
If it goes unchecked, and I've hurt someone's feelings, well, there was some reason for it, something this person needed to learn. I guess I don't hurt someone's feelings intentionally. The person usually deserves it. I'm sure they ask my son this question at school--it irks me to no end. He is innocent and moral and has a deep sensitiivity for humanity, but not for the self-indulgent that desires sympathy/attention at the drop of a hat.

I find many AS kids/adults that are comfortable with themselves appear to be cold-hearted or unfeeling when actually they are on a higher plane of understanding and aren't affected by the trivials of life.

equinn

I went to school in the 90's. That was when we had all this odd "PC" crap.

I have some empathy and I strive to protect and nourish the emotion. I am not what one would call "touchy-feely," but if I cut these things off completely I become some hideous cross between Sean Hannity and a computer. I start thinking that women deserve to be raped because they wear short skirts. A lot of overflowing empathy makes a person obnoxious, but a little is a crucial tool for staying human, at least in my experience.

Negative empathy (the frequency of suffering) is easier for me to experience than positive empathy (the frequency of joy).

Holocaust literature helped me understand why empathy is good for you. In some, empathy turns to compassion, and evil is not allowed a complete victory.

Wrong Planet has convinced me that aspies have an inclination to care about one another. The hospitality I have encountered here is stratospheric compared to the limp pity I get from most NTs