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siuan
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19 Dec 2007, 5:36 pm

So the typical divorce rate is around 50%. I just heard that the divorce rate for parents of autistic children is 86%. I almost hit the floor when I heard that.

I'd imagine the rate of divorce among people with autistic disorders (including AS) is also pretty high.

So what then would the divorce rate for couples where one or both parents has AS *and* the kids have AS or autism? It seems bleak for me.

They cited stress as the primary factor in broken relationships. I can see that. By the time my husband comes home from work (which I envy so much - working in the real world would feel like a vacation compared to what it's like here some days) I'm usually spent mentally and need a break. So then he takes over. By the time they're ready for bed, my husband is exhausted and needs to go to bed himself. And my time begins. I spend time on the computer or read, anything quiet, usually until about 4AM. Yes, major sleep deprivation for me, but I'd go straight out of my mind if I did not have SOME peace and quiet that was not sleep time.

I miss going to bed when my husband does. I miss having a conversation without having to stop every three words to correct some meltdown or stimming behavior. I miss spending time as a couple. And it's not ONE child who has autism, BOTH of our children do.

I'm not considering leaving my husband, nor does it seem my relationship is fatally flawed. I just heard these stats and thought, wow, the odds sure aren't in our favor.


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19 Dec 2007, 5:40 pm

what do you know my parents got divorced right after my dad got me to go off to college

I guess he figured he had done all he could for me an the family was over all the crap he had to go through with me :\



Brooklyn
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19 Dec 2007, 5:41 pm

Well, 50% of my marriages (out of the two) have ended in divorce. But that had more to do with my ex's PTSD than my AS.


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Kitsy
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19 Dec 2007, 5:49 pm

you believe statistics too much.



markaudette
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19 Dec 2007, 5:50 pm

I'm an Aspie and I have been divorced.



Kitsy
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19 Dec 2007, 5:55 pm

siuan wrote:
[b][b][b]I'm not considering leaving my husband, nor does it seem my relationship is fatally flawed. I just heard these stats and thought, wow, the odds sure aren't in our favor[/b][/b][/b].



You just understood the underlying scheme of statistics without realizing it. That is exactly what they want for you to do.



siuan
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19 Dec 2007, 5:57 pm

Kitsy wrote:
you believe statistics too much.


Statistics are hard and fast numbers, a reflection or representation of what actually happens. While that 86% might not apply to me at all, 86% of the time it applies to people in the population (give or take a few percentage points).


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Kitsy
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19 Dec 2007, 6:00 pm

markaudette wrote:
I'm an Aspie and I have been divorced.


Yeah but I cannot keep count of how many bi-polars have been divorced, how many neurotypicals (which hate to say it but I'm not even sure if there is a single person alive today immune from being labeled a psychological defect), I've known alcoholics who are divorced,

I've known people that do no drugs who are divorced, I know abused people that are divorced, I know people who were never abused who are divorced, I know people that married too early, I know commitment phobes who finally ran out,

Seriously, these people are trying to sell you something. It's subliminal advertisement for "please break up" it's psychological statistical warfare. Don't buy into the life they are trying to make you feel guilty for having because in their eyes you are a worthless nobody that should never be happy at all or be with anyone.

Those social scientists are sickening. Question them sometimes.



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19 Dec 2007, 6:01 pm

yes, but that statistic leaves out the "repeat offenders" I know people out there that swap mates every few years, never satisified, while a large percentage stay together till death due them part. It's these repeat offenders that are warping the statistic. I bet if you look at how many PEOPLE have had a divorce, the ratio would be about 25% or so!



Kitsy
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19 Dec 2007, 6:02 pm

siuan wrote:
Kitsy wrote:
you believe statistics too much.


Statistics are hard and fast numbers, a reflection or representation of what actually happens. While that 86% might not apply to me at all, 86% of the time it applies to people in the population (give or take a few percentage points).


Chocolate is good for you this year. The social scientist in the gas station told me so.



lelia
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19 Dec 2007, 6:18 pm

Siuan, it is rough now. It's going to stay rough for a while. And then, if both you and your husband hold up, it will get better. Much better. My husband and I love our empty nest.



sinagua
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19 Dec 2007, 8:23 pm

siuan wrote:
So the typical divorce rate is around 50%. I just heard that the divorce rate for parents of autistic children is 86%. I almost hit the floor when I heard that.

I'd imagine the rate of divorce among people with autistic disorders (including AS) is also pretty high.


I have no problem believing this is true.

Quote:
So what then would the divorce rate for couples where one or both parents has AS *and* the kids have AS or autism? It seems bleak for me.


Again, I agree. My husband and I are currently in marital therapy, although to be fair, we're going mainly because of his difficulty feeling/showing empathy to me when I need it. I've sought therapy for myself to cope with massive anxiety/depression/frustration related to working with our son and battling the schools he was in, and just NEVER seeming to get any help or understanding from anyone, including family, plus our isolation.

Btw, if it matters, I believe I probably have AS (have many traits and tendencies, but not others, if that makes more sense), and have been divorced once (no children with him). Currently married to my son's father 10 years next year. Husband believes he has AS himself; it (at least something "atypical") may run in the men in his family, he's always said. I sure believe he has it.

Quote:
I'm not considering leaving my husband, nor does it seem my relationship is fatally flawed. I just heard these stats and thought, wow, the odds sure aren't in our favor.


No, they're not, but that doesn't mean we can't beat the odds. :)



zghost
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19 Dec 2007, 9:32 pm

My parents are still married (37 years), but I've been divorced. I don't think it had anything to do with AS though, it was just broke beyond fixing.



psychedelic
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19 Dec 2007, 11:41 pm

Quote:
Seriously, these people are trying to sell you something. It's subliminal advertisement for "please break up" it's psychological statistical warfare. Don't buy into the life they are trying to make you feel guilty for having because in their eyes you are a worthless nobody that should never be happy at all or be with anyone.


You need to get your head examined!


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siuan
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20 Dec 2007, 3:39 am

Kitsy wrote:
siuan wrote:
Kitsy wrote:
you believe statistics too much.


Statistics are hard and fast numbers, a reflection or representation of what actually happens. While that 86% might not apply to me at all, 86% of the time it applies to people in the population (give or take a few percentage points).


Chocolate is good for you this year. The social scientist in the gas station told me so.


Clearly some of you don't understand what a statistic is, and this frustrates me. Statistics are numbers gathered based on what happens in the population, based on what is ACTUALLY HAPPENING or what has actually happened. This is in contrast to "chocolate is good for you," which is not a statistic. I don't believe there is enough statistical evidence to back the idea that chocolate is good for you. It (the very rich variety) contains some antioxidants, but the positive effect of this is probably negated by the extremely high level of saturated fat also present in very rich varieties of chocolate. The rate of divorce in the general population and the divorce rate among parents of children with Autism is an observable statistic, and a fact.

I thought the definition of fact was pretty clear cut, but just in case: click here.

And you may also want to reference the defintion of Statistics here.


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postpaleo
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20 Dec 2007, 4:52 am

"There are lies, damn lies and statistics."
B. Disraeli


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