Strategies for Socializing Well

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It's my second week at a new college. This year I have been trying a new strategy to socializing—well, it's somewhat going back to my childhood shyness. I have decided to start conversations with random strangers much less this year; I was so frustrated with my lack of friends last year that I was literally going around talking to whoever I saw. Anyway, this year I'm more waiting for people to initiate conversations with me and answer them succinctly. It's a little depressing just thinking about doing things this way because it seems like I'm accepting the miserable position of no one wants to have anything to do with me, so I won't bother them. I hope it's just temporary until I can make a few friends to open up to and express myself more openly and less timidly. I am trying to fight off the negative emotions associated with this realization; I know such repression is psychologically damaging; but, if it's only temporary, the sacrifice will be well worth it.

Anyway, I'm not trying to do away completely with my sense of humor, a mode I often default to under the heuristic that people like to laugh; but it can get obnoxious to others to hear a stream of jokes that aren't very funny, and I have been told this by people who tried to put it more gently (e.g., "When you're funny, you're really funny, but..."). It may be especially useful to tone down my absurdist/ironic sense of humor because people are especially prone to misinterpret it.

Some active strategies I have been trying to make friends (since I know almost no one here yet) is to ask them about class. I try to move the conversation to their interests and hobbies to see if I can relate—begin a conversation with them on some of those interests. So far, some people don't seem to be hostile towards me, not exactly neutral, but not best buddies in the whole wide world. I have also joined many clubs and am hoping to make a few friends that way. After I ask them about class, I might ask them about the weather, current events, or another thing most people can relate to so that I can keep the conversation going until either the other person or I find something more interesting to talk about. I still don't know how to advance such relationships from casual acquintancies to deeper friendships yet, and I would like to know what strategies work best for this. I have tried asking some of these people to just "hang out" with me or do something, but so far, I've gotten no where.

What strategies have you found successful? Any that work badly?

Have you read "how to make friends and influence people"? Thats a good book.

I just ignore people till they go away

I heard a phrase the other day that rings true with me.

"The only way to make friends, is to be a friend"

I think that's why I have the friends I do, because I can be such a friendly guy, and it doesn't take long to get over my shyness. And I consider nearly anyone I talk to often a friend, that would include most of the people I've spoken with here (including you NeantHumain).

I think it's easier to make friends if you very open to being a friend. Same with Socialising... I think.


I'm not sure if that helps any... If it was even on topic heh

GA

The hardest thing I've found is that people don't get to know me. Maybe because I'm kind of reserved around people, maybe not. I think if I had given people the chance to become friends that would have worked out better. Keep an open mind (don't criticize), but keep your head on straight (think for yourself).