Does it ever sound like you're making up excuses

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Sometimes I feel I am coming up with excuses about stuff.


I was at work last week and the work had changed this policy about the sign in sheet. Now the time on the sheet has to match the time you punched in and out with your card. If the times don't match, they will call the director of housekeeping and he is going to have to do all this paper work per employee about the reason why their time didn't match. Imagine if it was five employees who didn't put the right time on their sign in sheet of when they punched out so it take the boss all night to do the paperwork and it be a hassle. I don't know what the paper work is about and why it would take five pages to say why the time didn't match the sign in sheet from one of the employees.
But here was the problem, my shift ends at 11:16, that's when my pay time ends but I can never make it out of the locker room before that time because I have to go to my locker, take out my razor blade and shaving cream, get my towel, grab a diaper, grab my clothes in a bag and go to the other locker room where the is an open shower. Then I shave my under arms and wash my hair and shave between my legs and then my legs and then I'm done, now I have to dry off, put toilet paper over my cuts from shaving if I cut myself which happens often, get dressed and then go back to my locker and put my stuff back in it, get out my backpack, put on my coat and my backpack and the problem is if I rush, I forget things so bam I have to run back to my locker and get what I forgot. I told my boss all this when he asked me why would it take me more than 15 minutes to shower and I told him all of that when he asked me questions like why I take long showers, why can't I go faster, and I had every excuse to those questions so it felt like I was making up excuses. When he asked me why i can't shower at home, I said "because then I'm going to have to stay up later for my hair to dry."
If he asked me why I can't use a hair dryer, I'd be saying "I don't have one."
"Why can't you get one?" he says.
"My arms get sore when I hold them up too long."
"Can't you have your boyfriend dry your hair for you?"
"No because he always has to sleep because he has to get up at 6 every morning. He is too tired at night."


So does it ever look like you're making up excuses even though you're not. At work it looked like I was that day when I was informed about the new sign in sheet policy and I told my boss I never make it out of the locker room before 11:16. So he had to talk to my office clerk telling him they're going to have a problem every night because of me. Then he talked to me about I have to shower quick because the work is paying me 15 minutes to get ready to go home, not paying me to take my time and take their money. he said if I can't shower in 15 minutes and be ready before 11:15, it be better if I shower at home.

So I skip my showers at work now and take them at home and stay up now almost till 3 AM. I just can't shower and be ready to go home in 15 minutes. But I can change into my regulars clothes and be ready to go home in 5 minutes because there is no shower and drying myself off and wiping up my blood from my cuts.

Are you getting cuts because you're trying to hurry? Wouldn't it be better to do it at home - even if you end up late?

What kind of work do you do that needs that anyway?

She cut herself before because she was rushing. Now she shaves at home, so no more cuts. EDIT: At work due to shaving anyway.



Her work is being generous, they are letting her stay on the clock and paying her for personal time, up to 15 minutes past the time she should clock out. My job would make me clock out at 11:00 and do my showering and such on my own time.

EDIT2: And to address the question. My supervisor wrote on my yearly report thingie(I forget the word) that I have an excuse for everything. I see it as having a reason, and wonder why that's bad? Apparently they want me to shrug and take a scolding. They don't like you giving reasons because they don't feel powerful, they can't chew you out or don't feel like you are being taught a lesson or something...

Last edited by mikebw on 09 Jan 2008, 12:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well, I think you should just clock out~and then go shower.

That would solve both of your problems.

General comment here - I have often been accused of making excuses. I have denied this 99 percent of the time because as far as I'm concerned there is a difference between reasons (valid ones) and excuses. Those that accuse Aspies of making excuses nine times out of ten are the sorts of NT's who give us trouble, and usually turn out to be discriminators of the worst sort.

Me too.

Now I usually just agree with whomever and make it short.

I think SeaBright has a good idea. As for the original question, yes! I'm new here and still learning about Asperger's so I'm always surprised to find out that many things I have trouble with are related to Asperger's. People always tell me I'm making up excuses when all I'm trying to do is explain them the reasons why I do certain things. Now I have also decided to let them say what they want and not get too stressed out about it. It's better to be treated unfairly than to try to defend myself and be accused of whining, making up excuses, etc, which is like being treated unfairly again.

This is one of the biggest problems I have in my life.

Whenever I have a disagreement with someone or especially multiple disagreements, I often end up hearing that I always think I'm "right". In my mind, when you have a problem between two people, the best way to resolve it is to let the other person understand why you do what you do and vice versa. Explain yourself to the best of your ability so that they can see where you're coming from. For some reason though, to a lot of other people this comes off as being a "know it all". I get frustrated when the people I'm talking to are so focusing on some ambiguous idea of someone being "right" or "wrong" in a situation where neither person intended to do harm. I often feel like I have to back down in small disagreements, like I need to force myself to label someone as "right" without saying the things I feel need to be said. If I don't, a small misunderstanding can end up escalating into a heated argument where people end up crying. It's awful.

But yes, I think I know how you feel.

I know how that is. Whenever I debate politics with someone, I always get accused of what you just described. I understand that they have a different opinion and that I may be incorrect, but I usually just consider that both these things are assumed and thus I never discuss them.

Yes. I find myself asking "What's the difference between an excuse and a reason? You asked and I answered, these are my reasons!" The more I explain myself the more "excuses" I give.

And about the debates...who enters a debate expecting not to be right? Although I might not be correct or know everything, I'm going to try and explain, or challenge the opposing view as much as possible.

It really doesn't make sense.

I can't do that, because that would be lying.

I've learned never to tell anyone the complete truth. I used to always get in trouble because of it. I can't stand lying, so what's a better option? Don't tell the whole truth.


Ex:
Prima: Did you buy this today?
Secunda: No.
Prima: But I found the receipt.
Secunda: Really? What date is on it?
Prima: Yesterday...?
Secunda: Well, there you have it.

If you mean - either tell the truth, or say nothing, then yes I agree. I used to lie and it nearly killed me. That's why I don't do it.

UGH. Same here. It's just so logical to me that many of these discussions have no right or wrong. So here I am, trying to get to know the other persons opinions and voice mine, thinking that it's just a given that neither of our opinions is any better than the other. It's usually two hours into a heated fight before the other person figures out that I wasn't meaning to offend them by articulately and intelligently expressing my ideas. That seems threatening to a lot of people. But yeah. It should totally be a given that unless you can look up the actual answer in a book/the net that there is no real right or wrong. It's all a matter of opinion.

That's just lying by omission. I find it just as repulsive as any other lie. No offense of course, I'll just remember to avoid you

That's just lying by omission. I find it just as repulsive as any other lie. No offense of course, I'll just remember to avoid you [/quote]


Oh, madam, everyone has at one point thought of me as repulsive, lol.



Where I grew up, if you couldn't talk your way out of something, you had to lie your way out of something. I've never liked the idea of lying so I guess over the years I've learned how to be that way.

And it's not lying, it works in court.