Do you see OTHER people's social problems?

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When I see Aspies on TV, I clearly see what they are doing wrong. (Like in the recent documentary "Today's Man".) It's very obvious to me why other people (NTs) are getting frustrated. It makes me feel like going up to the Aspie and telling him, "Look, let me tell you why your coworker here is getting frustrated with you."

In fact, I'm perceptive enough that I notice NTs making social mistakes. The most common ones are those who dominate conversations and cannot let other people talk. They constantly interrupt everyone else, and others get frustrated. There are in fact many NTs with this problem, but they do not seem to see that they have a problem.

My question is: Do you see OTHER people's problems? Or, are you just as oblivious to other people's social problems as you are with your own social problems?

Other people's problems topic

This is an interesting topic.

I am glad, robotto, that you are able to hear others' stories and are able to decipher what the problems are. I can only do so when I see them written down. I admire your ability.

I can do this as well. I've always been well-aware of people around me (and myself as well).

I'm very aware of other peoples social problems and social faux pas, very aware that it's not just an aspergers thing, although our difficulty with these things is very pronounced. I made a post on the friendship board about a mate of mine who consistantly babbles nonsense making her come across badly - she's NT as NT can be.

So yes, I see other people's problems... the thing is, I can quite often percieve what I am doing wrong as well. Doesn't give me as much power to change it as I'd like.

I do this a lot.

At high school I actually used to be 'the one everyone comes to for advice' because I could see so clearly what everyone was doing right or wrong, or who liked who, or who'd slept with who, or who didn't like who, or was in a bad mood with who, or whatever. In early high school I also used to give 'advice' to a couple of friends who I'm still convinced are on the spectrum too. I just never actually manage to figure out what I'm doing wrong until the damage is done and I look back and cringe with hindsight. And at school I could never see when someone was sh***y with me, or when someone liked me, or when they were flirting with me, or anything useful at all! Still can't really but I'm lucky enough to be in a very stable, loving relationship and to have a group of friends who are fairly straightforward and easy to read. And if they're grumpy or annoyed they tell me so I don't have to do that ridiculous guessing game people seem to love playing so much.

Yes, but I don't take mischievous delight in them.

Most definetly I notice. Strangely enough, it's almost as if I feel more comfortable when other people make said mistakes. Reminds me that no one's perfect I suppose.

I sometimes give advice too! I actually love doing it, really makes me feel a lot better. Shame I can't follow my own advice.

Part of the reason why I'm asking this question is because my diagnosis is very new. In fact, I just got it last Thursday. I had assumed that my AS was mild, but my doctor didn't think so. Although, I'm clearly blind to certain emotional cues, I seem to pick up on many social frictions other people (NTs) cause. For instance, when I'm speaking with 2 NTs (especially in a business meeting), if one of them has the tendency of interrupting others constantly, I could roll my eyes with the other person who is putting up with his insensitivity, where the person who is interrupting doesn't even notice us rolling our eyes.

Another example is when a group of people are chatting in a narrow hallway or sidewalk where they are unaware of the fact that they are blocking others from getting through. This happens a lot in New York. Almost every bar or restaurant has a crowd in front of it, unaware of other people trying to get around them. These are NTs; not Aspies. I actually get very frustrated by these people. What is even more frustrating is the fact that many of these inconsiderate people get annoyed when they are blocked, completely unaware that they do the same themselves!! (Many of my NT friends are like this). In fact, I'm usually the first person to notice that we are getting in the way of other people trying to get through.

This ability of mine seems uncharacteristic of AS. Can anyone here do what I do?

Yup! *raises hand*

Remember, autism is a spectrum... you'll do some things better than others, even to the point of being NT (or more observant than NTs), whereas other things you might be almost in the low-functioning range. We've all got the 'same thing' yet we're all still totally different in our abilities and our 'progress'. There's no right or wrong.

I love finding out all these little things I do that seem to be common to all aspies. Like the love of salt thing from last month that I'd always wondered about and seems to have been verified on here.

Yeah. Partly I recognise them because of all the social skills training I do with students, and partly just because I'm so aware of doing those stupid mistakes myself!

Sometimes i can see other people's problems. I also am the first person to step out of somebodys way in a crowded area. I don't like walking in malls, people will randomly stop in the middle of the crowded mall for no reason. They arent turning around to head back the way they came, their not turning into to a store etc, they just stop to talk in the middle of the crowded mall. Which is why i have developed the habit of treating walking like im driving. If im walking through a mall and i need to turn or stop for any reason i will do a shoulder check first to make sure nobody is behind me to avoid having them bump into me or bumping into them while turning into a store etc.

I guess it actually makes sense. As an Aspie, you are constantly concerned about how other people are perceiving you. Because you don’t understand it intuitively, your intellectual side is working hard to compensate for it. This intellectual understanding of social interaction can be communicated and taught to others. Since most NTs do this instinctively, they don’t know how to explain it to others.

This is similar to the way native English speakers cannot explain why something is grammatically right or wrong; they just know it. Those whose English is a second language can usually explain it better.

This explains why NTs might come to an Aspie for advice on how to behave socially (as ironic as it may sound.). English is actually my second language, but native English speakers do ask me grammatical questions, because I know how to explain why something is right or wrong.

Dalhousie’s analogy about driving is very helpful. I think it’s true. We Aspies have developed a system/habit of preventative measures in order to avoid social mistakes. In many ways, this makes us more sensitive to the social contexts than NTs are.

On a related note: I run a graphic design business, and branding is a big part of my business. Branding a business is all about being able to analyze how people perceive a business. I function as an advisor to these business owners who want to know how they should present themselves to their potential customers. My job is to figure out the most effective way for a business to look, sound, and behave to their customers, so that the impression they are communicating to the customers is appropriate and appealing.

If I may say so myself, I’m pretty successful at this, but the fact that I have AS seem to contradict the fact that I’m good at creating corporate images for my clients. But thanks to you all here, I now understand why someone with AS would in fact be even better than NTs in being a brand designer. It’s because I’m able to comprehend the process of branding conceptually, apply it in a systematic fashion, and communicate it to my clients.