I Was Rude to Point?

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This happened over a year ago at the job I had last summer, but I haven't brought it up until now. While helping a customer find what she wanted, I pointed in the direction it was located. She later complained to one of the managers or submanagers about it, and they mentioned it to me briefly. Apparently, her demeanor was, "Hrmph! How dare the service point, yes, point! in our presence! We are ever so insulted by its show of insolence!" I wrote her off as a disgruntled middle-aged woman who was just looking for any excuse to be offended. Of course, I did tell the managers I'd be careful not to point in the future and it was only an accident since it is my tendency to gesture when I speak.

I don't think that, if this was rude to begin with, it was very rude. I tend to use a lot of hand gestures when I speak; I almost have to "reach" for words. I cannot be insulting others just because I'm trying to speak! Does anyone else have a tendency to use gestures? By the way, I pointed because I said, "It's over there," and the phrase over there automatically triggers a pointing gesture for me just as when I say up my hands tend to move up.

I tend to have the opposite problem - I don't use gestures when I really should.

That doesn't seem rude at all ~ you were being helpful. I thought that when people say i't's rude to point' they mean it's rude to point at someone not it's rude to point at something.

I sometimes make simple mistakes without intending to cause any offence. Once, at work I was trying to get the attention of a colleague in a noisy room full of people talking and I whistled to get her attention.

I did this because I know that a sound like that carries and can be heard over people talking. She was extremely offended and said that I was calling her like a dog. That was not my intention.

Apparently pointing is rude for some reason. I've never understood why

Non, je ne pense pas que tu aies été incorrect.

In France, it is not wrong pointing (montrer du doigt) as long as your are not pointing at a person. I guess it is not very different in foreign countries.
I don't think the problem is that you did something wrong, but rather that you are anxious about maybe having done something wrong.
I had a similar situation this summer with clients who were supposed, as stipulated in their contract, to leave their rental latest at 10 am. They didn't phone us to set an appointment nor didn't answer our mobile phone messages. So I went in the rental at half past ten and asked them what they were about to do. They just told me f**k you. We had an argument and they phoned my office to tell I was incompetent.
Despite my colleagues trusted me because these people had created many problems since their arrival, I couldn't help thinking about it again and again, just because I am an aspie and I am always so scared to behave in an unappropriate way.
I know I was right, but I can't help thinking that I am responsible for the argument because of my lack of communication skills. At the same time, I realize that NT colleagues have more problems than me but are really less upset than me.

alexandra

Believe it or not, NeantHumain, I used to have the same habit, and I didn't realize it before, but now, I realize, it is rude to point at certain people. Not everyone knows you don't mean any harm, but you shouldn't do it because someone may assume you do.

Maybe they wanted you to make the effort to walk them over to what they wanted. I know I appreciate that.

Oh, now I understand you.

I don't think this sound rude. I was always under the impression that pointing at people was rude, not that pointing in general is rude. I do understand them wanting you to actually take the customer to the item, but I don't think what you did was rude.

I tend to use lots of gestures when I talk. Unfortunately, my gestures seem to not make sense with what I am talking about (at least so my husband has been pointing out). My husband claims that when I point, my finger usually is crooked or something, so he is not even sure what I am pointing out. At the same time when he points something out, I seem to have problems knowing what he is pointing at. Lately, especially since I told him about Asperger's syndrome and the inability to understand/use body language and gestures, he has been pointing out whenever I am gesturing while talking. He usually does this by copying me, and I find it annoying, so I don't think he is particularly helping me improve. I tend to get mad rather than take it as constructive criticism.

Aimee

I learned that even though it was rude to point at people (which I often forgot), that it's not rude to point at a thing. As long as it's close at hand, I don't see how it could cause an inconvenience. Perhaps she was upset mainly because, as you mentioned, you were gone so quickly, as many NT's I've spoken with become easily annoyed at my abrupt disappearances, even when the conversation is over or there is nothing more that I can do to help. Perhaps a little verbal cue of "POINTING IS RUDE!" went off in her mind, so that's what she directed her annoyance to. Only an idea, of course.

You know what? people are screwed, I mean, you can not please everyone, do not sweat it, screw them, get on with your life, their all worthless and weak, wanting others to cater to Their expectations, unwilling to learn for others sake in a social society, their loss.

That lady seems to be the type that gets upset over anything. It isn't rude to point in a direction to show someone how to get somewhere. It is considered rude to point at someone, though.

i used to work in a shop that had a section of carpet that was thread-bare. my manager requested a new piece of carpet from the head office of the company several times but they refused even though he explained to them that it was a risk to health and safety.
one day, when i was in charge, a woman strode up to me and started shouting at me. i felt so nervous it took me a while to work out what she was talking about but eventually i realised she was saying that she had nearly tripped over the section of thread-bare carpet. then she said "if i was an old lady and the damaged carpet had caused me to fall over i could've broken my hip."
i didn't know how to respond to that because she wasn't an old lady (she was approximately in her early forties), she hadn't fallen over and she hadn't broken her hip. so i just said that i was sorry and that i would tell the manager her point of view. eventually the hysterical woman left and i was relieved.
a few days later i was i was informed by my boss that the woman had made a compaint about the carpet and ME. she said that i had been really rude to her and that when she had expressed her opinion to me i "looked" like i didn't care. what did she expect from me?! blood?! ! perhaps if she hadn't been so aggressive when she spoke to me i would've been more sympathetic but when she approached me i wasn't sure if she was likely to hit me.
my conclusion is there is no such thing as rude or polite (except in extreme circumstances). some people just make it up as they go along because they love attention nearly as much as they love complaining.
one more thing: the company that i worked for rewarded the woman for her obnoxiousness by giving her lots of gift vouchers (i suspect this was her motivation for almost costing me my job). warms your heart, doesn't it?

I've worked in customer service for years and I've found that sometimes, people think since they're the customer and you can't defend yourself without being abrasive, they take it as an opportunity to take all their garbage out on you. And if you don't respond just like they want you to, which could mean anything, they'll complain to your supervisor to get you in trouble. I've learned to always be super-nice to customers so whenever they want to cause trouble, my manager knows I didn't do anything wrong and takes my side.

Unless I'm on my job, I don't worry all that much about seeming impolite to people because their rules always seem to change and are rather arbitrary. Besides, I'm like this, I've survived all these years being intentionally harassed by NTs so they can certainly live with my little bitty social flubs.