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herakh
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24 Jan 2008, 9:43 am

im new to this forum, and i always faced with this predicament, and i would appreciate it if you could help me.

whenever i had lunch or dinner with a friend of mine, and when we are sitting together, i never knew what exactly to do. you know, its like, i just want to get out of there, but then, i have to make an excuse, and im very bad at lying. so, what we do, is just sit there, and i will be like trying to hack my brains about what to say, and i then when i do manage to say something, i always get a one word answer for them, and then well, you get the idea.
so, when my friend finally says something, for some reason,i just having trouble looking directly at their eyes, so, i just look at the mouth and just count the lines on the mouth. or that i just got lost track of what they said.
im more comfortable if there more than one people, that way, they can talk to each other and not me.

i dont know whether this is related to AS or not, i just need some help.



logitechdog
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24 Jan 2008, 9:52 am

http://www.hodu.com/sharpening.shtml This might help herakh, got other communication on they too...


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herakh
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24 Jan 2008, 10:00 am

thanks! i bookmarked it right now



riverotter
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24 Jan 2008, 10:09 am

This might help you too- I make a list ahead of time of potential conversation topics (even with, say, my dad) just in case it gets awkward and silent.
Also, I come up with a reason beforehand why I might need to leave, something true and reasonable. Just knowing that I have a possible excuse is comforting.



postpaleo
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24 Jan 2008, 11:27 am

I'm kind of assuming you mean eating in a home type setting? Restaurants and I do not get along, however I have found some to be more comfortable then others. It mostly has to do with the seating arrangement, space and the amount of people in it at a given time. Those can be not really controlled but guessed when the stress level might be better and through a little investigation the place can be picked. Just lowering the stress can make conversation easier for me. I make a point blank statement to some people, get comfortable with silence, because I am. But I also warn them if I get on a topic I like, you can shut me up with a point blank statement just as well. It doesn't mean that I don't enjoy company from time to time, socializing, but it's rare and I pick the people for the most part. If they really are a friend then once is enough to ease the awkward moments and some know about my need to just leave an area when it gets overwhelming. I just make sure they know it isn't them, it's me. In a home setting I find eating at a set local, such as a kitchen table, to be too rigorous and we have adapted to other settings. But that doesn't work very well with a lot of people some times, but then I avoid those scenarios very well anyway. The family knows about me and it has been accepted now for a while.


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Crystalmirror
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24 Jan 2008, 11:55 am

riverotter wrote:
This might help you too- I make a list ahead of time of potential conversation topics (even with, say, my dad) just in case it gets awkward and silent.
Also, I come up with a reason beforehand why I might need to leave, something true and reasonable. Just knowing that I have a possible excuse is comforting.


That sounds like a good idea, since one of my main problems is I don't have much to say. It would have helped me out last year. My case manager at that time was setting me up with another of her clients to practice our conversation skills. She'd take us out, say, shopping or to a restaurant, and the two of us clients would just be sitting there, and the case manager would be like, "Don't you two have anything you want to say to each other?" In my case, no, because I don't have much to say.



riverotter
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24 Jan 2008, 12:00 pm

Crystalmirror wrote:
She'd take us out, say, shopping or to a restaurant, and the two of us clients would just be sitting there, and the case manager would be like, "Don't you two have anything you want to say to each other?" In my case, no, because I don't have much to say.

This tactic would ensure that I had nothing to say to the other person. Yikes. You would think that she might have more skills in this area. Please allow me to write her dialog for her. "So, I understand that both of you are interested in (cuddly kittens, video games, tracking Mercury transits, etc.)." Might that not work a little more smoothly?