Was my diagnosis right?

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I've been wondering about these things for a long time, and was wondering if anyone here could relate.

I was not really a particularly unusual child. I preferred to play alone and usually did, but I usually had one or two friends. My mother says that I always seemed relatively disinterested in other people and didn't seem to care much about having friends. All of my stimming was fairly subtle, and my interests didn't seem unusual. I just read a lot, and sometimes like to re-read a book. (Unlike many aspies, however, I did not learn to read until I was around five or six.) I was a picky eater and had mild tactile sensitivities. One problem which I've always had was having a hard time regulating emotions. I've always become angry/upset/frustrated pretty easily. I don't know what triggered these episodes when I was younger, but today they're often instigated by things not going quite as expected or as planned. However, I was never obsessively into elaborate routines or compulsions; I just don't like it when things go differently from how I plan and expect. I tolerated most sensory input pretty well, though occasionally something really terrifying (like going to the dentist or Chuck E. Cheese) would push me over the edge.

Around the age of ten, social things became more difficult for me and my meltdowns at school became worse/more frequent. At this time I also started having more obvious special interests and my family got a computer, which I spent a huge amount of time on. After a few years of counseling, however, I had fewer problems and more friends. Then my family moved across the country before I started high school (age 14), and things just got progressively worse from there. I didn't know how to make friends, became very withdrawn, and slacked off on classes which I thought were boring or a waste of time. I spent more time than ever on the computer (at the time I was very obsessed with Harry Potter fandom) and resisted my parents' attempts to make me "more involved" or have a social life. I was diagnosed with depression and AD/HD. I began taking medication for ADD and became involved with the school newspaper since I've always liked writing. My grades improved and so did my depression. My mother, however, is a social worker and wasn't convinced that the ADD diagnosis was correct. She did some research on her own and began thinking I might have (mild) AS. I went to a psychologist who specializes in AS, and she diagnosed me based off of a few meetings, talking to my parents, and forms filled out by my parents and one of my high school teachers. I was diagnosed when I was 17, right before I left for college.

The problem is that that was more than two years ago, and I still have trouble believing the diagnosis. Sure, I'm willing to admit that I appear very much like a mild aspie today--social difficulties, few if any friends, intense interests, stimming, clumsiness, can't drive, some sleep problems, picky eating, meltdowns, rigid thinking, likes to wear the same clothes everyday, etc. But I can't quite get around the fact that I was so "almost-normal" as a child, and it doesn't quite make sense to me. I intellectually realize that AS/autism is a spectrum and that there are no clear dividing lines, but that's hard for me to accept and deal with. When I mentioned this to both the psychologist who diagnosed me and my mother, they both said that my apparent inability to deal with "the gray area" was itself a sign of AS. I just keep wishing that there were some definitive way I could know I have it, but I know I'm too mild and "subtle" for that to be case. I'm diagnosed, my parents are sure I have it, my aspie boyfriend is sure I have it, his parents are sure I have it, even my mom's friend who has a severely aspie son thinks I have it. I think so a lot of the time too, but sometimes I don't understand why everyone else is seemingly so sure about it. The thought that I don't have it is terrifying to me, because then I'm just hopelessly shy and emotionally unstable. I've thought about this A LOT and AS does seem to make the most sense out of any neurological/mental condition, but sometimes I can't quite get around the things which don't fit. At this point I should probably mention that I've been perseverating on autism/AS for the past year and a half. My boyfriend thinks my inability to accept this entirely is just more of my immense insecurity problem, and while I think there's something to that, I can't help but also think that it's because I was not a stereotypically AS child. I have promised him that I will try to be more secure about this and other things, but it's hard sometimes. Has anyone experienced similar problem with diagnostic doubt and second-guessing? Am I right to question misdiagnosis, or am I simply being too rigid and thinking too much in black and white? Any and all input is appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to listen to my ramblings.

it actually sounds like aspergers,and can't see reasons why not.
sister is undiagnosed,but am certain she's aspie,and she has it 'milder' than that [she didn't have as many traits,although does has synthesthesia to].


From description,it actually sounds like full/classic AS,as mild AS wouldn't be covering so many of the traits like that.
The meltdowns could have got worse around that age because of hormone stuff [very common in Autistics],and being 'almost normal' as a child might just mean there weren't enough opposites around to compare self to,it also could be due to the quite common female presentation of aspergers [less obvious aspergers than males],most of the aspergers research available is supposed to be based on males so it is possible not all aspie females are going to look typical aspie.

Because have been diagnosed with ADD,it's also possible it's a ADD+AS combo,and not just one or the other.
if it's the innatentive type that even could have masked the AS to some extent as well.

Perhaps it's worth seeing a specialist in ASD [and ADD if possible] to reassess,as it could help with strengthening belief in whether do have it or not,but it certainly sounds like have AS.

I thought I was just unusual.

It takes a few years to accept the dx, I think. I kept saying to myself, but I'm not a headbanger! You get there when you get there I suppose.

I can attest to some of the same feelings, I started going to therapy only a few months ago for social anxiety and depression. I was researching social anxiety and came across an AS website and brought it up with my therapist who now believes AS is what I have. Even thought my therapist has told me that I have AS I can't stop the feeling that I am being a hypochondriac and that I'm only trying to use AS as an excuse to try and avoid my fear of social situations. From reading your story I tend to believe that you do indeed have AS. Perhaps the self doubt and the resistance to be labeled is all a part of AS, I'm not sure, but I can understand how you feel.

Welcome to the non stereotype aspie world. You weren't a stereotypic aspie so it makes you special. I was never one either. I had friends but never a lot and then at age ten being with my peers started to get hard because their interests changed and they were more into chit chat than playing. I read late too but I actually rote read for two years before I started reading for real. I have always liked good surprises and was never bothered with schedule change in my school.
Whenever there was a change, I never flipped out or have anxiety. I just go with the flow while having the uncomfortable feelings inside me. It didn't come till puberty.



I have doubt my own diagnoses too because I was never a little professor, I was slow and I never seemed smart like the other aspies when I was growing up. I didn't start reading about my obsession till I was 10 and I was naming every cloud in the sky and watching the weather channel everyday after school. Weather was the first obsession I ever read about. Then dinosaurs.

Also I am just too mild. I am not so rigid and so inflexible. I am not so much black and white. I am able to see the gray areas. I'm not so rigid when someone points out a gray area to me, I refuse to believe them. I actually listen and know that gray area now.


I was doubting my diagnoses for a few months but my new shrink believes I have it despite my speech delay and my development delay. She says it was just the hearing loss that caused it and I might have development normally if I never lost my hearing. Also I was stuck in special ed for two years so I learned nothing so I didn't know about what other kids my age already knew about because special ed didn't teach topics. They only did math, and reading and we had the toy time and the story time, we went on lot of field trips, went to occupational therapy.
Also I had ADD so that might have been why I had troubles learning in school I could not sit and listen to the teacher go bla bla bla for long periods of time and I was a visual learner so I didn't understand everything. I couldn't understand what North South East West was. I was always hearing my teacher say it but I didn't know why and she point to the words on the wall she had taped on each side of the room and I still didn't understand it. I couldn't understand why she was calling each side of the classroom north south east and west. I was in third grade when I understood it finally.


Maybe you're being too rigid on your diagnoses. Not everyone with it is the same. I get sick and tired of the stereotypes. I read about autism and whenever they mention a fictional character with AS (because they're using it as an example) it's always good with math or math is its best subject, etc. Ugh.

Remember AS is just a label. It doesn't define you. If anyone says you don't have it because you don't have the stereotypes or you aren't the same as them, tell them does it matter what diagnoses you have, it's just a label.

Thanks to everyone who responded, it was helpful. A lot of you are probably right--I am too rigid about this. I'm not resistant to being labeled per se (though I sure was when I was first told the diagnosis), it's just that I want to be sure that the label is "correct" since I do tell people about it on occasion and I use it at college to get my own room. I should probably realize that the AS label doesn't fit perfectly for everyone, though, and I shouldn't feel like a fraud for using it just because I'm not a stereotyped aspie. I guess it's just confusing to have people's label for you change--first I was just "hypersensitive and shy", then I was "clinically depressed", then I was "AD/HD", and a year later it was AS. For a while I refused to believe the AS dx at all, but I've come to believe that it's right most of the time. I still do have moments of doubt when I read about someone more "obvious" than I am, though, which is what this post is about. Or I'm with my (aspie) boyfriend and I see what an amazing memory for quotes he has and I think I can't also be aspie because I don't have that kind of memory. He tells me that I definitely am, though, and gets exasperated when I bring the subject up, so I'm trying to be more relaxed about it and not to do that anymore. The responses I've gotten have been helpful in that regard.