where does asperger's end and normality begin?

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My sister-in-law has been diagnosed with Asperger's and thinks my husband has it. The traits she points out are that he is very rational, not particularly interested in fashion, likes to argue with people who voice opinions he disagrees with even when they clearly don't want to argue etc, and more generally doesn't care about social hierarchies or cliques.

Both me and my husband are into computing - my husband is a software engineer and I teach science and maths, though I am interested in lots of areas. We are classic geeks, we like science fiction, are fairly introverted with a few good friends, have deep interests, and together we like making things like radios for our bikes etc.

I am not into fashion or looking right (wear odd socks etc.) because I think looking fashionable is a stupid waste of time, and I have unusual interests too. But I am definitely NT and came out strongly NT on that test. Not all NTs are shallow, fashionable people who only care about celebrities. And intelligence and curiosity about scientific things can also be an NT trait. I admire my husband's forthrightness and his decision to argue with people who put their necks out - eg. if someone is a Christian he won't just attack them, but if they keep on bringing it up or try and convert him he will argue. I never associated this with a neurological condition. I just thought he was very principled.

What I am asking, is if my husband was at the very high functioning end of Aspergers, would it be a meaningful diagnosis. He has none of the problems people bring up on these forums - he has no social phobias, is not anxious about unwritten rules he might be breaking. People see him as unusually honest and logical, but not in an irrational way. Would it help him if he was diagnosed with AS and not just a geeky NT IT guy?

I should say that my husband thought the suggestion was ridiculous and I am a lot more curious about it then him.

Your husband could be somewhere on the spectrum, but he may or may not want to pursue the idea and get a diagnosis. He sounds happy enough with his life and seems to be functioning in a way that causes him a minimal amount of stress.

The idea that he is on the spectrum is a valid one, he does seem to display a some behavious that can be considered markers for Aspergers. But not all aspies want to think of themselves as having Aspergers, some are quite resistant to the idea. Especially if they can't see any benefits of a diagnosis.

If it aint broke in your eye's then don't fix it... sure allot of people have the same view of others...

I had christians at my door listened to them for about an hour, then asked them 1 question, I guess I made they mind blank when asking it... I only asked what god was to you.... Can't see why they can't talk about the subject without trying to convert people & also people do want to hear they views & not a bible, in detail, quoting bible stuff can get annoying since they come back with another, I would start argueing why don't you come to our side, & see how they feel...

From what you have said I would suggest your husband is not on the spectrum at all.

He may share common results with aspies. But it is not the traits that are the important part... it is the causes.

Using the examples you have given:
Rationality is a human trait. Not an Aspie trait. ALL humans, but possession of a brain, are capable of rationality. Depending on ones convictions and philosophical views depends on the extend that such rationality is employed. If you gander at the "politics, religion, and philosophy" board you will find plenty of Aspies that forgo this particular faculty.

There is a difference between eschewing fashion in favour of comfort. And being almost unable to grasp the concept that the clothes a person wears could somehow be other than performing the function of covering nakedness or overcoming environmental facets, such as heat, cold, sun, wind etc... Aspies are not stereo-typically unfashionable because they have made a choice, but because we fail to see the distinction.

As for arguing when the other person clearly does not want to argue. There is a difference between being an argumentative arse, and failing to read the cues on offer by the recipient. And it is not restricted to argument. If your husband droned on and on and on about the latest development in printed circuitry to your next door neighbour when that neighbour clearly wasn't interested in hearing about printed circuitry or how many nanometers they can make circuits these days... then you'd be onto a winner.

Again with social hierarchies. There is a difference between consciously choosing consciously to meet each person on their merits and treat them with basic dignity and respect (or scorn and ridicule depending on your husbands base level of social interaction and default expectation of other humans) and failing to see the difference between one person or another based on any number of such social cues. I have heard such cues include hygiene, fashion, vocabulary, good looks, conversationalist, charm, price of car, etc... I for one will tell a charwoman about evolutionary biology and physiology just as readily as I will lecture to the CEO of a fortune 500 company. And won't notice a lick of difference between the two as being worthy of bestowing my knowledge upon them.

I could go on but I hope you are starting to get my drift. It isn't the outcomes that matter, it's the causes. There are plenty of people as evidenced on these very forums that have gained the art (through dedication, perseveration, and reasoned investigation) to think with reason, dress fashionably, converse to an acceptable standard (and beyond), take cognizance of and recognise social hierarchies.

Before you go worrying about a diagnosis for your husband, which would largely be a waste if he gets on well enough as it is, I would suggest you take a closer look at the reasons why he thinks rationally, dresses like a dork, is argumentative, or ignores social hierarchies.

Exactly what everybody else said, and there is always the possibility he has mild AS, theres a lot of people on this site, who are borderline AS/borderline NT.

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Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated

Thanks everyone. Izaak's explanation of outcomes versus causes was particularly helpful for me. Also the idea of certain types of social interaction being a clear choice for NT's whereas people with Asperger's have to learn what choice is being offered.

What is this crap about AS people who aren't into fashion?

Do I choose comfort over style? Usually. However, you can still be into the aesthetics of fashion without losing the comfort zone. I guess I must be an Edith Head sort of designer when I look at it. I know how to make what other people think is style and set the trends, but do I wear it myself? Not always. I wouldn't design anything that wasn't wearable, either, though.

Hmmmm....I'll have to think about this and maybe change my signature. Style is everything!