accepting NT behavior, but not AS behavior

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I am at my witts end.

I am trying to figure out why it is that when NTs lie, make stupid mistakes and make your life miserable, they expect a response of "it's ok, you're trying to do your best...it's not your fault you're stupid and worthless, I should have patience for you because in your heart you attempted to do what's best, even though it was worthless, continuosly worthless...and to top it off, in order to cover your behind, you lied without regard for the consequences..."

But, if you are an AS, and get sick and tired of their ridiculous behavior, and have a major meltdown, you are shot down for doing so?

Why is it that unacceptable behavior of NTs is supposed to be accepted with grace, as NOT THEIR FAULT...but behavior of AS because of frustration with NT lies, etc...cannot be disregarded with the same "NOT THEIR FAULT...???"

Of course, my example...

NT doesn't do their job, you call and ask them to fix it, they claim they fix it but they don't...you call them again and they hide behind...not my fault, I'm trying...you say ok, they do it again...then months go by and they still don't have it right...a never ending cycle...and each time they mess up, you are to accept it with grace and not point fingers or fault them...BUT, as soon as the AS person loses it and tells them they are morons and worthless, that behavior from an AS is immediately seen as bad, horrible, outrageous, crazy, etc...???

Yes, exactly right.

If an Aspie gives the genuine reason of having Asperger's, then they are making excuses.

Really though, most people are criminalized these days, there is a lot of 'blame factor' in the social set up so its not surprising that some people are better at getting excused and some of us aren't. Aspies are more honest mostly and more likely to accept they have done wrong and if someone presents that blame logically, being logical ourselves, we can tend to believe we are in the wrong. It sometimes takes time for us to see that things are not always so clear.

Is this another generalize all the nt's as delinquents thread?

I've seen this behavior in aspies and NT's. To a point I think it's worse when an aspie does it because they use AS as an excuse. Correct them and suddenly its 'I have a disorder, It's not my fault!' Then your left grinding your teeth.

I assure you both NT's and Aspies make mistakes and try to cover them. Maybe you don't, but not everyone is like you.

It's about NTs being able to use the excuse it's not their fault that they aren't as smart as you, or as detail oriented as you, or as quick to learn as you...and we all must accept as they are born with a different brain and shouldn't be penalized, but as soon as an aspie has a meltdown, the we are born with a different brain is not good enough.

Goche21: NO, this is another "The OP is venting because they are fed up with NTs treating them like s**t because they don't understand them, while at the same time expecting Aspies to understand and accept every little annoying thing about them" topic. It's a fair complaint.

I'm curious as to what you mean by "correcting them".

Also, AS is a neurodevelopmental condition; the problems are hardwired into our brains, so, to some extent, the way we behave is not our fault. Saying so is like saying that, for example, the NT fixation on being social and people-impressing is their fault.
That doesn't mean that behaviour can't be changed, it just means that certain behaviours that irk the hell out of you might be incredibly hard for us to stop.

Who_Am_I

You are exactly correct...

I mean, like take a kid at my school. He was AS and we got along fairly well on a day to day basis, except when he wouldn't do what he was supposed to. Maybe it's be when we were joking, and he'd say something hurtful, or be too rough, if I'd say cut it out, the blame would fall on AS. When a teacher tried to tell him to turn in homeowrk, the blame would fall on AS.

Then there is my brother, who sexually abused me, lied about it, and would watch as I got punished, hit, and yelled at on a day to day basis. He said 'he can't help it, he has Asperger's syndrome'. or even when it came to chores 'I forgot, I have asperger's syndrome'.

My point wasn't that NT's aren't fair in understanding, I never said we weren't. It's completely true that sometimes we/I don't appreciate what this does to you. My point was simply that this behavior isn't in all NT's, nor is it contained to only NT's.

That's a fair statement that not all NTs do this...but my point is really

"for those NTs that do this...why is it that AS is NOT an excuse, but being NT is?"

I don't think he was using being an NT as an excuse. To tell you the truth, he sounds like a lazy jerk who's trying to use your AS to manipulate you. It happens to us NT's too, all you have to do is say "do your job, I wont excuse your laziness" If he contrinues, report his butt. He's not 'trying' if he was then some of the work would be comming in.

Point being, he's a jerk, don't let him push your buttons.

I think many times jerks and/or NTs...whichever it is... push our buttons...I have read here about AS people wanting to sue...but it seems the majority of AS people want to sue because they want justice, but many do not actually want to harm others, they just want justice...if that makes any sense...

With our legal battle, it seems that I snap because of the "jerk" and of course, they threaten to sue...now that they are aware of our issues and that we are in the process of suing them, I have contacted the ACLU and they have stated that their case has no merit, NOW they are trying to see if the JERK will back down because they're afraid if WE sue, they'll be in big trouble and our lawsuit does have merit.

I guess I can't ever understand in my AS mind why people cannot just be fair, and instead they attempt to push others to their limits...to later back down when you push back.

I have never felt the need to hurt anyone, even if they have done wrong to me...I have wanted to, but 99% of the time, I have let it go once they let it go, because my life is not about hurting others, but about seeking fairness.

Your brother sounds extraordinarily disturbed, and not in any way that is associated with AS, but perhaps is concurrent with it.

It is understandable that you are very angry, but you already know that he is a liar - why do you believe that he's an expert on Aspie behavior, and that AS is the root of his problem?

Please don't make blanket statements about people with Asperger's Syndrome, just because your brother is severely messed up. The fact is that many of us do not even reveal that we have AS at the office, because it only invites the types of comments that you are making.

I used him as an example of how people with AS can lie to, and hurt people deeply. I have no doubt my brother has AS, he stims, he has sensory problems, is socially inept ect. He also has other things conpounded with it. He was diagnosed by an expert in the field, world renound actually. ((well, she also tried to claim I had it as well, but I only show the social awkwardness and the trouble making eye contract))

I don't see why everyone is getting so riled up about me deffending NT's. If you found a thread like "Why do all aspies ((insert close minded generalization here))" how would you approach it?

Ok, here is how I started my post...

I am trying to figure out why it is that when NTs lie,

This does NOT mean that all NTs lie...In my AS mind, this means exactly what it says...WHEN NTs lie...there is a huge difference in those two statements...

Just wanted to clarify that...

Well, for one thing, this isn't a "why all NTs do_______" thread at all. The OP is describing a scenario where she, as an aspie, is treated differently than an NT for ethically inappropriate behavior. Quite a different subject.
Person A doesn't do his job, Whatamess patiently asks Person A, "Please do your job".
Person A makes excuse that he isn't as well equipped as Whatamess to the job.
After stalling, back and forth, whatamess has a fit over the problem. Whatamess is seen as the wrong person.

That is the point, that is the story. I've experienced it too. I've gotten reprimanded for "having an angry face" when being told bad news at work (someone not showing up, lying about it). There are certain jobs that are populated by hyper-NTs where you are rewarded for unethical behavior-making up wild and personal stories about why you can't come to work (on time), for instance. While people who have doctor's notes and tell a straight story (I have a fever, on antibiotics, etc) are threatened with punishment.
Smiling when being reassigned to an unfamiliar station is actually part of a job performance review.

I hate being quadrouple teamed. :/

This is the part I didn't like. It's not 'this NT did this to me. It says ((this is how I see it and it is open for interpritation)) 'Nt's lie, and when they lie they try to make me into the bad guy, why?' If that had said aspie, this whole discussion would be flipped.

-I am trying to figure out why it is that when aspies lie, make stupid mistakes and make your life miserable, they expect a response of "it's ok, you're trying to do your best...it's not your fault you're stupid and worthless, I should have patience for you because in your heart you attempted to do what's best, even though it was worthless, continuosly worthless...and to top it off, in order to cover your behind, you lied without regard for the consequences..."-

Basically just the way I did in response to your characterization that Aspies are excuse-makers; I explained to you concisely that we are not all like your very disturbed brother.

Also, look at how you worded this:

You could have said "some of them use AS as an excuse", but, to use your own words, you chose a "close minded generalization."

So, what's your excuse?