'tis Better To Be Hated...

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You ever heard the expression, "It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not?" I know someone who often wears a shirt that says that, and I finally called him on it.

If I put effort into making myself into a different and "loveable" person, than I damn well want to have that work for me. I'd rather be loved for who I'm not if I've been working at it. Being hated for who you are is respectable, or course, but honestly, I'd rather be able to "pass" as someone non-despicable.

Both people there said that was a "good point."

((Might I add, I generally hold little of my personality back, so I'm not saying everything I say or do is fake, but still, that is a problem I have with that statement.))

Another thing which I might add but didn't then is that human personality has a crapload of plasticity. I think I'm a much more likeable person now than I was as a kid, or maybe even than a couple of years ago. This is not to say I'm "better" but that I think I've matured, and am likely just more tolerable to be around now. I'm still the same person in that I still inhabit the same body, and have all of my memories, etc etc. But, I have changed enough that someone might use the metaphor on me to say, "You're a totally different person." ((Or at least I'd hope so, honestly. I was a nightmare as a child.))

((BTW, I considered putting this in the Romantic Relationship forum, but I think this goes better here, because there are types of platonic "love," the tee-shirt is ambiguous and needs to use precision-of-language IMO.))

((BTW BTW cool points for anyone who got that last literary reference.))

I would never put up a facade to be loved, but going through character building experiences to make a better person out of yourself and being loved for who you have become would be a good thing.

I try to fake confidence when I'm around people. I force myself to smile and look them in the eye. That's what I thought about while reading your post.

i believe that quotation to be by Phlostigin Verdigris. do not ask me why, but is that a real name...?

The difference between self improvement / characer building and faking it is that you actually become the person you want to be through charcter building and ususally that person is a better person.

The only people I would ever "fake it" for are those who sign my paycheck......or could potentially sign my paycheck. Other than that, if people can't accept me for who I am now, then why would I want their acceptance at all? Anyway, there's another saying I go by......

"It's better to be respected and disliked than to be loved and dis-respected."

I think it's a question of integrity: would you rather be happy for the wrong reasons, or be unhappy for the right ones. I honestly can't decide... I suppose deep down I want to be who I am, but sometimes it's just so damn tempting to just try and please other people!