How do we do it?

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I mean, get through everyday?

Hi, my name is Mary and my son, Alex, who is 11 has been diagnosed with Aspergers. (And Tourette's) Well, two years ago he was, the Tourette's since he was 5. I was just told that this website existed today. He is extremely smart, yet struggles to no end on anything social. Has little to no friends in school. Interrupts mom and dad when they are talking. Wants what he wants when he wants it. He is scared to death to be alone in a room in his own house. Can only wear certain socks and underwear. Loves his computer and couldn't live without it. He loves hugs and kisses. Sometimes I don't know if I can make it through another day with him. Sometimes he is very engaging and has the most interesting conversations in the world.

I am glad to be here!

Nice to meet you, i'm diagnosed autism and have a diagnosis of tourettes as well. Your question how do through everyday? My biggest thing that helped me the most was to learn to laugh at myself, have a sense of humor about me, and to learn to know that life is a mystery no matter how much you learn, life will always be a mystery, and that no matter what, nothing stays the same.

Sounds great, hugs and kisses. We do grow up, sort of, here you can learn how happy you are to have your son.

We are also a lot of fun, but do not invite us to parties.

I get through everyday by doing what I want, it was always that way, but now no one objects because it is a business. In business, if you do what everyone else does, you are doomed. Be the only person on Earth that does it, and you have the world market.

All of my socks are same brand, black, and I wear boxers.

The world is now available for view through the computer, you can learn what you want, when you want, and find others with the same interests. It beats the neighborhood I grew up in.

Welcome, hang out, get to know a few of us, we are cool.

Hi Mary. Being a single parent to HFA son has taught me the definition of the word..."overwhelmed", but also "joy".

First up, remember everyone's an individual and we're all different, with different expressions of the differing parts of Asperger's. (Which is to say, despite Inventor's assertion you shouldn't invite us to parties, I quite like parties.)

How do I get through the day? As best I can. I think the more understanding you get of what's going on with yourself, the better, and you need to learn to roll with the punches. For example: mostly I remember that my understanding of things is too literal, and try to adapt. But I still didn't give my wife her cellphone this morning when she asked me to bring her jacket through because her cellphone was in the pocket. The jacket and cellphone are still sitting in our office. You just need to learn you'll screw up sometimes, and hope those around you understand that, too.

very carfully

i never think about what im going to do. because im in a sexy routine right now that consists of getting up making coffee, turning on my computer, getting online, lookiing at my favorite players stats of yao ming and ichiro, pull out my baby fireagates to look at them for hours. oh i could go on and on but i wont..

I think Age1600 hit the nail on the head. Learn to laugh at yourself and be comfortable with who you are. Unless you can do this, be you aspie or NT, life is very hard.

Mary, welcome.

I know what you are going through. Not only do I have Aspergers myself, but at least one of my two 20-something sons has it, and my 16 year-old has it stronger than any of us!

Your description of your son matches mine like twins. It's almost become a comedy for us when we have to buy him new clothing, since he never wants to go with us, and he's so incredibly picky. So, we keep it simple. Blacks and dark gray. Not too large but not too small. No logos. A particular blend of fabric, a particular cut of jeans. Expect to take the shoes back two or three times.

The laptop (which we were clever enough to get allowed under his IEP at school ;-) is the most important part of his life - though he has nothing but constant complaints over how slow it is.

Mine doesn't like hugs and kisses so much. Well, he SEEMS to hate them. I suspect otherwise, and we give them to him anyway. But we keep it down to one large hug in the morning, and a couple small ones, with a pat on the back, during the day. He does NOT like kisses, as far as I can tell.

But, I can tell you this, at least: It does get better. Slowly, but better. More and more "cheerful" days, where he cracks jokes and puns. Very clever ones, of course ;-) Better and better grades, though he did flunk English last term simply because he hates it and had done the math necessary to realize he could flunk a semester and still graduate. I was a bit angry about that, but he balanced off the report card with the As and Bs that he had never brought home a few years ago.

His older brother - who was raised when we had NO CLUE what his problem was or what to do about it - turned out to be a brilliant and sweet boy. He graduated university with a Psychology degree, switched to Art, and is now working on his Masters. He is an absolute joy to talk to, and one of the kindest people I've ever known. He's learned how to talk to normal people with a consummate skill. Sure, he discovered he didn't love people enough to become a counselor of any sort, and he finds NTs to be more comical than interesting, and his apartment is messy, but he's a hopeful happy person and has a job where he enjoys being the go-to guy for difficult computer solutions.

He's also managed to pick up Russian as a second language. I don't know why.
;-)

So, I can tell you. The hard, HARD work can payoff in the end. And you have a right to be hopeful and proud. Your autistic son hears everything you think he doesn't hear. And he knows you're there for him. The First Rule of Real Parenting is "The most important part of parenting is that you care enough to do it every day." It sounds like you're a great parent.

I think, at the end, there's going to be medals or trophies or something. Right?
;-)

I'm just glad that my mom was able to put up with me until I got older (I'm in grad school now), because people are all the time telling her what a neat person I've turned out to be.

Nice to meet you, Mary.

LOL....I was reading this to hubby and we were laughing. Not at you of course, but at the similarities of our sons. His computer, yes, he complains that it goes too slow. Right now his biggest complaint is that Everquest 2 takes way to long to download, and good lord, he is NEVER going to be able to play. Of course I tried to explain about 50 times that it is a huge file.....He knows that though.

We got lucky with his shoes this last time. He actually took the first pair that he tried on, although he does complain about them every now and then. But he wears them! (yeah!!)

The report card. His last report card had one D on it. Everything else was C's/B's and one A. That was in science. His teacher says that he knows things about Science that no one else in his class knows. He says that he doesn't like school because he gets called a crybaby. He does cry. He is very sensitive. So, now I have a ritual of every morning before he heads off to school and I give him that hug and kiss (and wave to him half way down the road.) I tell him, no crying today and walk faster in the hallway.

Up until last year I think we babied him to a degree. I finally just started really saying, "No, you do it."

And hey even if we don't get a medal that's okay!