Totally mortified.

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Sigh.

So today I had a panic attack in my French class.

I know that sometimes Asperger's manifests itself in slightly more public ways, but since I'm on the high-functioning end, I usually refrain from banging my head against walls in class and really doing anything aberrant. It's just me. I'm not trying to offend anyone by saying I have more control, I really didn't until now, but...just sayin'.

It was a really bad one, though. I've been on and off my Celexa, thus the panic attack in the first place, but I really didn't expect this to be...so awful. The worst part was that my boyfriend happens to be in the same French class, and although I know he accepts me for who I am, I really don't like it when the anxious, Aspergian, nutty part of me shows up. It got to the point where I was so jittery that he had to put his hand over mine to get me to stop freaking out. Sure, it calmed me down immediately, but nevertheless...embarrassing.

I even know what triggered it. I was thinking about him...going to college, all that, and simultaneously, doing pretty badly on the verbal responses in French and getting very embarrassed by my actions. I turned beet red and got cold and hot at different intervals, felt like I couldn't breathe, and I just wanted to cry because it was completely and entirely out of my control.

The girls across the room [five in our French class, Geoffrey and me on one side, three girls on the other, teacher up front] laughed when they made mistakes, and I don't understand why I couldn't do that. This is really annoying for me, and I'm dying to know...well, what to do. I hate having to see myself looking like a total disfunctional idiot and in addition to that, having Geoffrey witness this tiny breakdown.

And right now, my spelling sucks.

Help me.

One reason Ill never use meds ever again.. They never did much for me in the first place.

i used to get really bad panic attacks not so much anymore but the feeling can be descibed as having thoughts about dying and then dissapering, and seeing a ball in my mind get bigger and smaller. a few years ago when this happend i would faint from the anxiety, once i had one in the hallway and fell over right there