Meaningless Life?

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I find my life to be utterly meaningless. By this, I mean that what I day through my day is irrelevant to my goals in life and my desires. Like most aspies, I do have esoteric interests that I know more about than most people and can talk about them at great length when the opportunity presents itself, but they don't fill me with passion. I hardly ever experience the emotion of happiness. I only experience boredom, frustration, apathy, and depression. I sometimes try to force myself to feel happy or at least act moderately happy on the outside, but I still feel dull and weary. It's been years since I've had anyone I could call a friend (probably going back to elementary school at the latest). The lack of meaning has affected my memory; I have trouble remembering my past; it all blurs together, and time seems empty.

I couldn't care less about my job. Growing up, I never even thought about working in an insipid office; I just can't relate to the people there. The fact that the topic of conversation tends to be about ties, some movie I've never seen, or something equally uninteresting to me makes me want to scream. The work is overall unchallenging, and it seems they are more concerned with people skills and promotability than actual merit and technical competence. I sometimes emulate the jocularity of some of the coworkers and make smalltalk so as to appear at least modestly friendly (as this is a job requirement even though it's a technical job).

I have absolutely zero outlets for love. I don't think such a possibility exists for me.

If I could kill myself painlessly, I'd do it.

i felt my life was the same way until i recived my fireagates

Life is meaningless.

I think male Aspies should consider forming brotherhoods or cliques in real life as a way of achieving social goals. Men tend to use cliques as a way of protecting themselves and advancing their interests. I can't trust most fellow men though. I feel wary after experiences of bullying and indecency in my youth.

Male aspies in cliques could help each other with fitness tips, motivate each other's exercise routines and diets, exchange dating tips and support each other's failures and celebrate each other's successes. They could also all go out for the night together to make approaching women easier. When women see a guy with friends she thinks he's socially competent and more attractive.

What do you think Humain? That sound like a plan?

Life is inherently meaningless, you are the maker of your own meaning.

You need to "put" meaning in you life. I wish you the best.

Sound kind of like some computer programmers I've known. What is your degree in and what do you do?

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Meaning comes from finding your own small, personal purpose and pursuing it, not living the purposes others set for you. Which is why, I suppose, it is that I've been self-employed most of my life works so well for my attitude. Of course, there is no Ultimate Purpose, but worrying won't create one ... so don't. Just find value and purpose in the small stuff.

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Sane people live in perpetual denial and blinders (blinkers, for you brit types.) You are just facing up to reality with too much of a clear head and it will get to you if you keep at it. Create some room for denial, accept it, let it embrace you, and don't try and see things in full perspective; but instead let a highly distorted and completely out of kilter and proportion view take hold of you and you'll be sane just like everyone else is.



Jon

I felt this way for as long as I can remember up until I got pregnant.

Family members screw you, friends screw you, people, homes, jobs come and go. Lovers come and go. It was always really hard for me to see something in life worth living for when everything so far had proved that good things won't last (or even come along at all). I constantly thought about dying.

I guess it's a mixture of things that have helped me cope better with life. Parenting is a full-time job. You don't have time to be depressed. I've also had a lot of time to accept the fact that I have no choice but to survive as long as possible for my son Gage. My life has a huge purpose now (at least for the next 16 or so years) and that's to raise a human being. There isn't much room for selfish thoughts of death anymore. He's a gift from... somewhere (I'm agnostic, ha).

I still have my bad days. Weeks. Times where I still feel exactly like you described. But it's been worse, a lot worse. And I just remember that.

I don't know if I can say that what I have is happiness, but I know I'm trying to work toward it. It's something to look forward to.

Not telling you to go get pregnant. Just take what you will from my experience, 'cause that's all I really have to give you. Maybe just some hope that things can change.

It's called existential angst.
Cry me a river about it.

I try to live a life that's as meaningful as I can, but I am not sure exactly what the true meaning is. Not sure what signs to look for.

Less than an hour ago, I was accepted to a prestigious honor society at my school. I wonder how relevant this is to the plan drawn out for me.