Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

Extreme discomfort with gifts, being center of attention.

Page 1 of 3 [ 45 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

jukebox
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 36

07 Feb 2008, 1:42 pm

Anyone else have this problem? I hate receiving gifts, HATE being watched opening them. Dislike eating around people. Am horrified by a birthday dinner, for example, being cooked for me. Am I alone in this? If not, how do you handle it? Just grit your teeth and deal? Has anyone found a polite way of explaining?



sweetcupcake
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 77

07 Feb 2008, 1:44 pm

Me too!! :(



Reyairia
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 220
Location: in another castle

07 Feb 2008, 1:45 pm

Kind of.
I'm just so unused to kindness such as getting gifts I don't know how to react.
Grandma always seems to buy everything I want (and what I want right there and then I may never use and I'm aware of that) exactly in that moment and I don't know whether to stop her or not or what to say to be polite and it's all just confusing...



SilverProteus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jul 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,915
Location: Somewhere Over The Rainbow

07 Feb 2008, 1:45 pm

Ah, yes. The gift thing. The worst part of it is politely pretending you liked it.

I think I may have unwittingly offended many people who have given me gifts in the past.


_________________
"Lightning is but a flicker of light, punctuated on all sides by darkness." - Loki


Margrethe
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 115
Location: Stavanger, Norway

07 Feb 2008, 1:54 pm

Yes!



jukebox
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 36

07 Feb 2008, 1:57 pm

Oh, it's this way whether I like it or not. I just don't like that much attention. I can't pinpoint why... My birthday is Saturday, and now my mother in law is all but ordering me to go with her to order my birthday cake. I think that this is a very irregular thing to do, but my partner and her whole family seem to consider it the norm. I'm miserable. It's a bigger issue than it should be. I get a certain feeling when I'm extremely frustrated or forced to do the whole gift thing, and the image I associate it with is a puppy digging its heels in against a leash. I stubbornly shut down, not out of unkindness or lack of appreciation, it just makes me SO FLIPPING UNCOMFORTABLE, I could almost cry and I only cry when I'm frustrated. I know it's illogical and I hate it about myself, but it annoys me that they KNOW I don't like these things and still insist on them. Ugh.



Lunar-Lander
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jan 2008
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 187
Location: Southern England

07 Feb 2008, 2:18 pm

Every birthday thats comes around and I'm hoping everyone will just forget. But they never do :( . The presents, the "happy birthday"wishes and then the bit I really dread, everyone singing Happy Birthday and intently watching as you blow out the candles and make you wish. There is no point in making that wish however, they already remembered.

LL


_________________
...if I could be a spaceman,
on my way to Mars,
cruising all the planets,
instead of hanging out in bars.


shaggydaddy
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2007
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 262
Location: California

07 Feb 2008, 2:31 pm

I am really bad at receiving gifts. No advice, just comiseration.


_________________
If you suffer from Autism, you're doing it wrong.


k96822
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jan 2006
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 535

07 Feb 2008, 2:35 pm

I used to have this problem (in fact, my parents still remembered once when I was really young and broke out crying because people were singing Happy Birthday (TM) to me).

The trick is really simple: just say "thank-you". Works for everything. No theatrics are required.



AdvenaIngenium
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 94
Location: Quad Cities, IL

07 Feb 2008, 2:38 pm

jukebox wrote:
Oh, it's this way whether I like it or not. I just don't like that much attention. I can't pinpoint why... My birthday is Saturday, and now my mother in law is all but ordering me to go with her to order my birthday cake. I think that this is a very irregular thing to do, but my partner and her whole family seem to consider it the norm. I'm miserable. It's a bigger issue than it should be. I get a certain feeling when I'm extremely frustrated or forced to do the whole gift thing, and the image I associate it with is a puppy digging its heels in against a leash. I stubbornly shut down, not out of unkindness or lack of appreciation, it just makes me SO FLIPPING UNCOMFORTABLE, I could almost cry and I only cry when I'm frustrated. I know it's illogical and I hate it about myself, but it annoys me that they KNOW I don't like these things and still insist on them. Ugh.


So insist back. Be perfectly and abundantly clear that you don't actually like it, and in fact you hate it. You need to be clear as they may just think that you were just saying you don't like it to try to be modest or some such thing. Use guilt. Let them really know how miserable their insistence is making you feel. Additionally, you may try negotiation and compromise.



k96822
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jan 2006
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 535

07 Feb 2008, 2:42 pm

AdvenaIngenium wrote:
So insist back. Be perfectly and abundantly clear that you don't actually like it, and in fact you hate it. You need to be clear as they may just think that you were just saying you don't like it to try to be modest or some such thing. Use guilt. Let them really know how miserable their insistence is making you feel. Additionally, you may try negotiation and compromise.


They're going to be offended at this. The party is more for them than for you. Using guilt this craftily, IMHO, is far beyond an aspie's skill.



Microban
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2008
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 290

07 Feb 2008, 3:09 pm

Yes!
I'd rather not get gifts...



zghost
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,190
Location: Southeast Texas

07 Feb 2008, 3:18 pm

This is why I don't like Christmas or birthdays.



deadeyexx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Sep 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 758

07 Feb 2008, 3:23 pm

Agreed. Especially on birthdays. I'm good with Christmas, as everyone is recieving gifts, but it's the sole focus upon me that makes me uncomfortable. It just puts too much pressure on me to act appropriately & make a good impression.

This is probably related to my dislike for recieving praise & recognition as well.



welcometomyworld
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2008
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 4

07 Feb 2008, 3:26 pm

LOL! when i worked they would do the birthday thing and i always felt like i could just die!



Riddick124
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 693

07 Feb 2008, 3:51 pm

The only real problem I have with gifts is around Christmas time. Me and my friend always get each other a christmas present, and I never know how much to spend. I don't wanna spend to little, obviously, or he might me disappointed, but I am also afraid of spending too much, in case he feels like he did not spend enough on his gift. :?