Denial after Diagnosis?

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I was recently diagnosed after about a year of tentative suspicion. My initial reaction was relief, that I wasn't just being 'silly' in thinking I might have AS, and seeing a lot of things fall into place. But now I realize after all that, I'm in denial that there is anything 'different' about me (mainly because I'm 33 years old and have been reasonably functional for so long.) Basically, I am back to thinking I am 'NT', even though I know I'm not. And it's not as if I've flown under the radar and everyone around me thinks I'm perfectly normal, even my appearance is sort of bizarre...

I'm not in denial because I feel ashamed of AS or anything, it's just that it seems impossible that my brain is not functioning the way everyone else's does. It's a shock. I didn't expect it to be a shock, but it is. I just can't separate what's 'me' and what's the AS talking.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Yup. its common to flip flop back and forth. Just keep telling yourself "I am what I am." You'll sort it all out in your head sooner or later!

yes, 'denial' is a pretty normal part of the process of coming to terms with a dx of an 'invisible' disability. If it wasn't you, it'd be your family denying it, there's always some level of denial going on somewhere.

It took me about 3 years to accept that I really had Asperger's. I think when I see myself at my worst, I know it's true.

Yes, but we are one. I consider it a personality type, and after 61 years, that's it, I like it.

The hyper-socialization of childhood, under thirty, can be different, but I still fit in, somewhat.

Mid thirties on I did it my way.

The main differance I noticed was everyone else quit learning, they were, and I was still becoming, I still am. Everything I do did not exist five years ago. Just moving through time gathering the good stuff.

I see it as I have a normal brain, I understand others, I just do not agree with them about what is important, like lifetime learning, a constant new day, and do have to make allowances for their limits.

If you are reasonably functional, I think everyone looks bizarre, render unto the world a boring world view, and keep following your dreams. When I was your age Publishing filled a large building, took many people, now I do it in my bedroom, and turn out better than they could back then.

This new fangled Internet gives me a worldwide market, and I was early to use it.

"Me" and AS, are one, but I do have a common speach I use for the world. "They" are the different ones. It is a long standing problem, "Cast not your pearls before swine."

Better to see it as common human, and my secret Super Powers. I find it a natural advantage.

We get better with age, more accepted, as they shed the high school mentality, adn we continue to rise in ability. They seem to lose mobility early.

I also think theis AS was made up, look around, we all have something in common, but no two are the same, AS is not a thing, it is a range of normal human.

Enjoy it, there is no other choice!

I am in denial somewhat.

I got dx in July of last year, and it was a life saver for me, as the cloud of unknowing was taking me deeper and deeper into an ever darker void.

The strange thing for me is that after 14 years of intensive psychotherapy, I have mastered the art of greeting the world on the worlds terms, but this had only lead me to a well I could never truly drink from.

Now, after suppressing my aspie ways, such as ticking, stimming etc, it seems such a backward step for me to liberate my aspieness in public.

Re the denial thing, I can feel myself reacting to stuff, that I know is me not wanting to fully accept my AS, such as having intense resentment towardes the un-empathic, scientific types, and the green man stuff here on WP. I know from bitter experience that as a rule when something unsettles me about a person or a group, 9 times out of 10 it is because there is something in them that I am unable to accept in myself.

I wish you well.

Thanks for all of the encouragement, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who had trouble processing this.

I made the the following analogy to my therapist at my last session, when I was thinking about the whole denial issue: I feel like we've all been given a box of parts to make a shelf. I looked around, saw everyone else's, and did the best I could to bodge the shelf together myself. Now, at 33, I find out everyone else has been given a book of instructions. The shock lies not in the fact that I didn't 'get it', but that the book really exists. It really does, and I just can't believe it...

nice picture, sums it up!

Definately...I told the guy who evaluated me he was basically "full of it"...and stalked off into the sunset.

It took awhile for it to sink in.

I can so relate to your problem it's almost scary. I got my dx two weeks ago, and i still can't believe how it's possible that I've lived for 23 years without knowing!
This makes it all so incredibly surreal, that my brain just refuses to believe it. Even though i think there's absolutely nothing wrong with being an aspie or high functioning autist.
I just hope I don't need three years to make my brain stop refusing....