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roboticalien
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20 Feb 2008, 8:24 pm

Usually when I get into a social situation I have some specific reason for being there in the first place, and I want to explain the whole story behind what I’m doing to people if they seem interested in communicating at all. I guess small talk is boring to me. It’s not that I’m bad at socializing; I just have a tendency to open up too much all at once when I talk to people. Anyone know any good filtering techniques?



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20 Feb 2008, 8:27 pm

Small talk...ewww. And yeah, I do the same thing. Once I start explaining how I feel, I can't seem to stop until I get every word of it out.


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20 Feb 2008, 8:28 pm

I'm only now beginning to filter artificially. Like saying a couple of things then stopping, saying something that implies an opinion but not explaining myself fully, having them lead the conversation - I'm still a very open person and I try to compensate by shutting the hell up 80% of the time; then, eventually, I let them know a couple things about myself.



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20 Feb 2008, 8:33 pm

I do that all the time..............Then I look back and regreate ever opening my mouth. (If I am lucky enough to realize that!)

I have come to learn (because it was told to me) That if I ever feel eager to share........Don't do it.

I'll just embarrasse myself. :(


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Bluesummers
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20 Feb 2008, 8:35 pm

Mirror wrote:
I have come to learn (because it was told to me) That if I ever feel eager to share........Don't do it.

I'll just embarrasse myself. :(


Aww don't feel that way. How can there be anything wrong with sharing how you feel? But I know what you mean. I'll pour my soul out to someone...only to have them say, "STFU" :cry:


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20 Feb 2008, 8:37 pm

I almost always say WAY more than what is apparently needed. I hear "how are you today?" and go into detail of how I've been since the moment I woke up, lol. For some reason, they don't wanna know that...

Then there are times when I don't seem to say enough. I assume that my answer fully explained something simply because it covered it all for me. If I understand it, it *must* make sense to everyone else, right? :lol:

It's very confusing. They always want more details when I say very little, and less detail when I say too much... where the heck is the middle? ...and how do you know what they are wanting?


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Mirror
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20 Feb 2008, 8:43 pm

Bluesummers wrote:
Mirror wrote:
I have come to learn (because it was told to me) That if I ever feel eager to share........Don't do it.

I'll just embarrasse myself. :(


Aww don't feel that way. How can there be anything wrong with sharing how you feel? But I know what you mean. I'll pour my soul out to someone...only to have them say, "STFU" :cry:


Yeah, not only that but I would say things that wernt 'Okay" to say to someone, but I didn't think they were bad at all. Often times my "friends" would tell me to not say certine things when ever they took me out with them to there other friends. And sometimes they wouldn't take me out period. My best friend didn't even invite me to her going away party because she was embarrased by how I acted, because my "manurisms" (later on I come to understand them as Stimmings) and the things I would say. It made me feel really bad when I herd her say that. :cry:


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20 Feb 2008, 8:55 pm

Mirror wrote:
Yeah, not only that but I would say things that wernt 'Okay" to say to someone, but I didn't think they were bad at all. Often times my "friends" would tell me to not say certine things when ever they took me out with them to there other friends. And sometimes they wouldn't take me out period. My best friend didn't even invite me to her going away party because she was embarrased by how I acted, because my "manurisms" (later on I come to understand them as Stimmings) and the things I would say. It made me feel really bad when I herd her say that. :cry:


Yeah :( It seems that whenever I'm being my true self in a social situation, everyone get's this awful stare...

So, I just don't be myself anymore. I fake it. Bad or good thing, I don't know...but it sometimes seems necessary. I wish I could be myself, and be accepted for it. I don't like having to hide...


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20 Feb 2008, 8:56 pm

Yeah my best friend in college wouldnt let me visit his moms house with him because he was afraid of what i might say.

It hurt.



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20 Feb 2008, 9:05 pm

I'm the same way. I always tell myself I won't do it again, but it happens every time! Very frustrating and embarassing. :(



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20 Feb 2008, 9:26 pm

My problem is that sometimes, if I don't say everything that I want to say, then I end up mulling it over and over and over in my head until it is replaced by something else...or...indefinitely..till I get mental closeure.....sucks...



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20 Feb 2008, 9:39 pm

I've learned how to interact socially through observation, and careful selection of who I interact with. I seek out open-minded, tolerant people so that if I'm too open or blunt, they'll forgive me. I observe them and try to pattern my communications after theirs, while maintaining something of my own style. It seems to be working!



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20 Feb 2008, 9:58 pm

The same happens to me. The greatest solution is to have a close, close friend to open up to, and provide closure. I swear, I've started to do that with my best friend now, and it's really cool to not have the same negative thoughts running through my head over and over and over!! !!

Just tell them that you've got alot to say and to just listen and provide some positive affirmation to it. It's the greatest thing in the world!



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20 Feb 2008, 10:12 pm

I can't stop looking at your avatar long enough to read your post. I love rainbow things and that is particularly cool...


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20 Feb 2008, 10:41 pm

nobodyzdream wrote:
I almost always say WAY more than what is apparently needed. I hear "how are you today?" and go into detail of how I've been since the moment I woke up, lol. For some reason, they don't wanna know that...

Then there are times when I don't seem to say enough. I assume that my answer fully explained something simply because it covered it all for me. If I understand it, it *must* make sense to everyone else, right? :lol:

It's very confusing. They always want more details when I say very little, and less detail when I say too much... where the heck is the middle? ...and how do you know what they are wanting?


yeah, its absolutely that!
what weird expectations people have...

what is also weird is that people are less freaked out when you simulate pondering one or two seconds before you just say something that made no trouble memorizing. i always found that people find its kind of suspicious when i pull all kinds of information out of my head instantly - stuff that was mentioned two weeks back, stuff i just picked up somewhere, maybe from a documentation that was on the tv while i did something else a year ago...
i dont know... id prefer people who have their stuff at hands, mentally, not people who have to actively try remembering what i said to them two days ago.



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21 Feb 2008, 1:26 am

Don't say much at all. Pick their brains.