mom got upset when I "isolated too much"

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I have never been diagnosed with Asperger's, and psychologists don't really think I have it. However my family thinks I share some charcateristics of it. I am very shy socially I don't have many friends. I have unusual interests such as movies, I like all movies really. I like classic films, a lot of very obscure films,broadway, music like jazz pop and broadway. I Well anyway, I never really had a lot of friends. I never really need or wanted a ton. I had one really close friend for a long time. I also had other people I talked to and stuff. My mom always got worried that I would "isolate too much. Basically watching movies, going on the internet, and listening to music in the house. My mom said it was unhealthy and stuff. My mom btw overreacts to everything. What I would like to know is should my mom have always worried about me isolating too much as she put it? I mean I was just doing what I liked and happy with it?

You are starting to sound AS!! !! !! I am much as you described, and my father and mother have said the SAME thing! I am over 40, and my father told me this only about a month ago!! !!

Yea but I was a freaking teenager. This was recently I am 20 now. No offence but big difference. But yea your right, it is quite asperger's type behavior.

Parents are going to worry that you're not doing something you need to be happy. Aspies have some different requirements that most people don't understand.

She didn't need to worry, but being a mom makes it part of the job description.

It wasn't that she was worrying she was being overly critical. She was being critical about something that was not a big deal. I mean if I was doing drugs, or had gotten a girl pregnant, or if I was being violent, or If I was just being a bit rebelious. But I was sitting at home watching movies, and listening to music, and surfing the net, which i love to do. I could have been in a Norman Rockwell painting!

With most moms, critical = I'm worried. But then again, I wasn't there.

Rockwell would have had you wear ragged sneakers, patched jeans, an untucked t-shirt, and put a slingshot in your back pocket. Does this sound like you?

my mother absolutely hates my love of solitude. i spend most of my free time in my room, reading and writing and drawing. she says i don't participate in family life. this is true, to some extent. i love my family members, but they drive me crazy. my habits are beginning to put strain on the atmosphere at my house, though. it can get pretty nasty.

I went through something similar when I was a teenager. I remember I used to listen to my walkman a lot just about every day while I was at home. I would walk around in the house with my walkman practically glued to me. My mom would constantly tell me, "That's not normal". And both my parents would complain that I'd spend too much time in my room. They sometimes referred to me as a "hermit".

ah! the hermit label! i'm glad i'm not the only one.

I'm 28, and my mother just freaked out about this yesterday evening. On weekdays I work from morning till afternoon, then I got home, sit in my room, listening to music, watching movies. On weekends, I do the same all day long and I don't go anywhere. I have a few friends, but don't really talk to them or meet them, but they got used to it.
Yesterday my mother told me that it's like I don't live with them, cause I don't talk to her or my father (that is actually not true, I of course talk to them, but maybe not as much as she'd like to). Also, she doesn't like that I don't do anything social, that I 'isolate too much'. She doesn't understand my need of solitude. Which is actually funny, because she lives with my father for more than 30 years, and he's more aspie-like than me... (we're not diagnosed).

When I was a teenager my parents used to force me to go to parties and to peoples' houses "for my own good" but it didn't do much good cos I was always thinking about what better things I could be doing with my time.

My father used to urge me to "get out of the house and be with people and have fun" as a teenager. Thankfully, he has now realised that I hate parties/large amounts of social contact and am far happier being by myself and that most of the things I do for fun are things that don't require other people to be present.

You problems are similar to AS, if you don't have it. I really think that you should go to an AS group anyway and convey your concerns. Meantime pressuring you to socialize won't help. Even if you don't have AS, pressuring you to socialize will just make your problems worse. Been there, done that as the cliche goes. My parents pressured me a lot growing up and it made things worse. I wanted to be more withdrawn and desired to be left alone even more.

My dad does the same thing. I guess it just comes with the territory. He thinks that the reason I don't spend much time with people my own age outside of school means I'm 'depressed', and that I'm 'isolating myself because of low self-esteem', and other such BS. I mean, I'm sure some people do it for those reasons, but... I don't.

You could just explain how you feel to your mom- if she thinks you share some of the characteristics of AS (even if you've never been diagnosed with it), you could share with her how those characteristics make you less likely to want to socialize with people all the time. Above all, just let her know that you are happy.

Age 14, an uncle of mine used to nag at me "You don't know how to have fun."*, while my biological aunt who was married to him used to always nag me as a small child(under age 9) that "You're mental." or "You need to see a shrink." or "You're going to be locked up."

As a teenager, my grandma would constantly nag me, "You don't talk enough!" or "Why don't you want to be with me?" She was frequently telling my dad that there was something wrong with me...




While I do desire some genuine friends and employment in my field, I don't think I'm isolated too much. Addicted to this computer and to my books, definately so... Even the slightest interruption will render hours of thought wasted because I lose track of what I was thinking. I HATE interruptions...




















*(edit: this conversation with my uncle was in reference to me not liking amusement parks, parties, sports, ect. He also said this in a condescending manner in a conversation where he was trying to pry me away from books/videogames/ect.)

Last edited by scumsuckingdouchebag on 26 Feb 2008, 5:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Because she nags you? That's a good reason - and it's not even an Aspie reason either! I don't think NT's like being nagged any more than we do!

I hope you told her that!