Solo cruising: aspie perspective

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Before I went on my cruise late last month, I posted a number of threads about it, since I was feeling apprehensive about the whole thing. The earlier ones went over great, but then the mods started moving my later cruise-related threads, even the one where I said I was very distressful nightmares about being on a broken-down ship. It made me hesitant to share my problems on WP ever since, but anyway, water under the bridge. I want to send a message that solo cruising is very aspie-friendly. I went on my first cruise, despite the massive second thoughts I was having about and loved it! It was everything I imagined it to be, and at the same time, nothing like I imagined it to be. The cruise line I went with was Carnival, known for its party atmosphere and younger crowd. Let me illustrate some points.

1. Things that are unacceptable "on land" are tolerated or even embraced on a cruise ship.
The most notable one would be wandering around by yourself. I've seen tons of posts/threads where someone talks about getting harassed when they were just walking around aimlessly at a particular place or on city streets. On cruises, "just walking around the ship aimlessly", even alone, is a perfectly acceptable activity, particularly shortly after embarkation, when everybody is trying to learn the layout. Cruise ships have a lot of nooks and crannies, and hallways that twist and turn, that are a pleasure to explore. I initiated conversations with other passengers, and multiple times, they told me that they were walking around to explore the ship.

2. Eating alone is almost never a problem.
This was the biggest hurdle I had to overcome. I reserved assigned seating for dinner, but all other meals were "every man for himself", or so I thought. I had to push myself to go eat lunch in the buffet, rather than ordering room service to my cabin. (Plus, room service food is quite basic, sandwiches and salads, rather than piping-hot sumptuous buffet food.) So I picked up a tray, piled food on my plate, and took a seat by the window overlooking the embarkation port. An older couple who recognized me from the airport shuttle stopped by to say hello and asked me where the porkchop I was having was located, a crew member asked me how things were, but every single passing interaction I had while eating lunch alone was nothing but pleasant. My assigned tablemates at dinner were great too; we went from polite "what do you do?/where are you from?" on the first day, to laughing warmly and clinking glasses on the last day.

3. First-timers are almost instantly "taken under the wing" and guided along, rather than hazed.
When introducing myself to new people, I would tell them that it was my first cruise. It was taken aback by how helpful people were to me. Far too often, newbies are poked fun at, and in the worst case, downright hazed. One person gave me a map he had, of a port town where I forgot to book an excursion until it was too late, but wanted to. I ended up walking around on my own armed with nothing but a marked-up map and a camera, finding a cool-looking synagogue (in the Caribbean, of all places), and afterwards getting into a great conversation in an ice cream shop with a group of people from my ship. I didn't recognize their faces, and I'm not sure if they recognized me, but I saw them wearing Carnival hats and mentioned the ship name, and they said yes. We ended up talking and eating alcohol-infused ice cream for over an hour, then high-fiving strangers while doing a conga line back to the pier through the city streets. The whole time, they complimented me on making the most of my first cruise.

4. People who would have eaten me for breakfast "on land" were treating me as their equal.
There was a group of people on the ship that I was most worried about. They were in their early 20's, and fit into the "loud guys with hot girlfriends" stereotype. They took over the pool on a few occasions, not for long, but didn't make trouble otherwise. In another port, where I went parasailing, I putzed around the pier area afterwards. At one point, I walked into a local bar. There was that group of people from the ship dancing there. I bought a beer, sat down at a table, and tried to keep a low profile. Suddenly, one girl from that group waves me over. I walk over and introduce myself. We all end up dancing in a group. Suddenly, the DJ put on a waltz song, probably to poke fun at the older crowd. They were all about to walk off the dance floor, but then I asked one girl to dance. She agreed, probably not expecting me to know waltz. Well, I know the basic steps pretty well, and even did a dip at the end. She said "oh my god, that was amazing", while touching me on the arm. Me and that group didn't hang out during the rest of the cruise, but both guys and girls from it still said hi to me when they saw me on the ship.

5. The only part somewhat indulging my fears was the debarkation.
My debarkation group met in one of the empty bars. (Not sure what logic Carnival uses to divide passengers into debarkation groups; they just gave me a number the night before.) The bar area was sectioned off with metal grate; not a very happy sight. People who I shared warm laughs and high-fives with just 12 hours earlier were now sitting with a pensive or serious look on their faces, with their hands planted on their luggage handles. When I tried to talk to them, they only gave brief, polite answers, although one person was nice enough to take a picture of me when I asked her to. The customs agent checking my bags was a jerk, but they kind of have to be anyway.

But it's all not without caveats. In order to enjoy cruising, at least on Carnival, you have to have a high tolerance level for, or better yet, be able to enjoy crowds, noise, bright lights, long lines, and frequent interactions with strangers. If that's the case, you will love cruising solo, just like I did. If not, then it's probably not for you, nothing wrong with that. Another great thing about cruising solo is that you get to do everything you want, and only what you want. When going with family, typically the parents or the better-liked (I didn't say "better-loved") siblings enforce their choices on the group, leaving the aspie out in the cold. When going with friends, the more socially dominant friend will generally push his/her choices on the aspie (that's how it was for me when I vacationed with a friend), unless he/she is nice enough to compromise. But even then, it's still compromise. With solo cruising,other than super-strict port times, you do what YOU want, at your own pace, on your own time.

I don't get why people think there's a social rule against this. I think it must depend on where you're living. I haven't noticed it too much since I moved to Kingston but when I lived in Ottawa, in many establishments during the day you would often see office workers sitting alone and having a meal (or drinking coffee and reading/doing paperwork). And I do mean often. In the right establishments, you could probably go there right now and 95% chance at least one person would be doing it.

I don't get that social rule either. Do we need people to hold our hand eating, and going to the bathroom too? You don't take people with you to physically use the bathroom, so why should we when we need to consume food?

Having been a soul traveller I will agree with many points you made about how cruise ship social norms differ from multi cultural social norms.

You're from UK, so not sure how it's there, but in US, it's very common for women to go to the restroom in groups. Men almost always go alone. Jury is still out on the real reason behind it .

(You probably meant "solo traveler", rather than "soul traveler".)
I was very pleasantly surprised by the vast difference is social norms on cruises vs. "on land". The norms even extend to ports of call and the pre-embarkation airport shuttle (but not the post-debarkation one). Cruising solo absolutely rocks! So many norms and unwritten rules that took me decades to pick up and integrate into my personality simply didn't apply. When I was taking pictures of anything and everything, one person asked me, and I explained that I'm putting together a travelogue. Their tone of voice sounded like "that's really cool, good for you", rather than "OK, whatever, you creep", as it would be "on land". Their inquiry was that of a genuine curiosity, rather than a veiled put-down. I'm sure they asked because, after all, it's not common to take a picture of a safety sign, land or ship.

Come to think of it, I will only cruise solo in the future. The complete freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want, with the only restrictions being port times and assigned dinner times, was just plain intoxicating. (Interestingly, both Carnival and Royal Caribbean have a ship called Freedom.) Going with friends just won't feel the same, despite the fact that I respect my friends very much. The only person I would maybe go on a cruise with is a romantic partner, so I get to "rock the ship" at night after a long day of fun and excitement. With that said, I would still go to a resort with friends; see below.

Ironically, none of this is true at land-based all-inclusive reports. 99% of people come there as couples, pairs, groups, or families, plus they tend to stick together is a highly cliquish way. So, in my past experience, "land norms" still very much apply at those resorts, despite being a vacation. They are not a place to go solo for anyone, and a fellow passenger I met on my cruise confirmed this 100%. The only damper for a solo travel on a cruise is a ridiculously high single supplement, which I can deal with.

Hey, yes that's what I meant

As a previous cruiser and worker in the cruise industry I soon learned what you say is definitely accurate behaviour onboard cruise ships. Ports of call identify they will have tourists nearly every other day and are usually more lenient with what might be seen as odd behaviour within the towns / cities.

Travelling alone esp. cruising is good fun.

Now that I told my friends about my cruise, I got them interested, even ones who pretty much refused to go any vacations other than the roughing it camping kind. Think about it. When you're camping and it's pouring rain, what do you do? Hunker down in a tent and play cards. When you're cruising, and it's pouring rain, what do you do? I was sitting in a hot tub on the open deck while listening to Caribbean music and just smiling. I guess I managed to get that point across to my friends, even after years of being unsuccessful. Maybe their interest in outdoors stuff diminished as they got older.

I told them I'd be doing another cruise in November, also with Carnival, like last time. They showed interest in joining me. But it's the funniest thing. I'm at a point where I will only cruise solo. I had a such a great time doing it. I loved the freedom of having the whole ship to myself, in a way, obviously. I could pick and choose events from the daily schedule as I pleased, as opposed to missing out on something because my friend(s), who are more socially dominant than me, don't feel like doing it. (I missed out on an opportunity to swim with dolphins because a friend I went to a resort with about 8 years ago tricked me out of doing it; I haven't gotten another chance until earlier this year.) And a solo cruise wasn't a lonely experience, either. I talked to a lot of people from all over the world, and even had someone romantically interested in me. Plus, a lot of people loved my stories about my hobby of flying Cessna airplanes.

So, this puts me in somewhat of a moral dilemma. I respect my friends very much, and I know that my life would be dull and boring without them. But at the same time, I'm having second thoughts about them joining me on my November cruise. I love hanging out with them and stuff, but I also know that they're more socially dominant than me. While they taught me to be more assertive, which helped me in my solo cruise, I'm also worried that their assertiveness will work against me during the friends cruise. Carnival is famous for its "fun ships", which have countless events and activities going on in many areas of the ship at any moment. Not all of them interest me, like bingo or something, but I also don't want to miss something I enjoy, like eating in the fine dining room, as opposed to in the buffet with my friends, because they say "it's more fun".

So what do I do? Go on the cruise with my friends and accept the fact that I won't do everything I want? Or just be sneaky and pick a sailing date they can't make, and go solo? It'd be mean of me to tell them I don't want their company on the cruise, but our differences do come into play here: I like to cast off my land persona and dive into the atmosphere, while they usually prefer to be "normal" and maintain their regular character. Although I have to say, I've never seen their cruise persona (they never cruised before), only my own.

Purely on a side note, I found that on a cruise, being pedantic is not looked own upon. If you're using terms like "forward", "aft", "port", "starboard", "deck", and "course", instead of their land equivalents (front, back, left, right, floor, route), it means you're getting into the cruise atmosphere, rather than being a dork. People even complimented me on it. Of course, when I was speaking Spanish to passengers and crew whose English wasn't good, I had to resort to land terms, because I don't know the Spanish ship terms.

So, which course (no pun intended) of action should I take? Post your thoughts.

Accept that you can't do everything you want. Find a cruise date that isn't as expensive so you won't feel too sour about it. Revel in knowing you are the experienced cruisers taking minions onboard with you think of it as your opportunity to be the man of the hour and see your friends at the same time on a luxurious vacation. One time wouldn't hurt.

Thanks for that, I've always wanted to go on a cruise but was afraid of what others on the cruise might think of me riding solo.
it just seems to be couples and the elderly

Depends on the cruise line. Some couples are really nice, and end up talking to you and sharing their life story

happy to read this... sumwhere in me I wanna cruise..
exploring ship sounds awsom.. what about big groups of ppl, can u stay away or must stand with them cause only so much space?

That is dependant on the ship. If you go on a Royal Caribbean there's just so much leisure, food, drink areas you are bound to find somewhere quiet. Many ships do have spas, and libraries on board if you would rather be on your own. Then of course there is your cabin.

When I want space I tend to go to bars tailored for older people, or grab a booth if there is one.

bout yer choice go with friends or just u... its easy rly!
it feels difficult cause they expect sumthing u dont want
this means what u rly want is to go alone
fixed: you go alone in november
have fun!

thx Nathan.. I wanna go now hehe
need money 1st tho

question for Nathan... how long usually sailing and how long sitting in a port?
need to find out more bout this!
hehehe rly like this idea
cruise cruise cruis

Now see, this makes me curious again. David Foster Wallace wrote an essay called A Supposedly Fun Thing I Will Never Do Again about going on a solo cruise and it just sounded totally depressing with bouts of uncomfortable forced socializing (dinners) and a maybe-fun game of Catch-the-Maid-in-the-Act (of cleaning his room). Although, possibly that's because he was legitimately depressed.
I wouldn't really be interested in going south (I think I'm allergic to bikini clad tourists) but I might be interested in something involving fjords or calving glaciers.

I admire your enthusiasm
Well, again it varies (you'll hear that a lot!) safe to say longest you'd spend in any port would be 12 hours. But actual time you get to disembark the ship before you re-embark would be 4-10 hours per port. So if you want to get the most out of your itinerary leave in the morning if doing an excursion, or leave an hour before lunch time if wanting to do some touring on foot.

Sailing is dependant on itinerary. When you have 2 very distant ports or are travelling between islands you might have 1 1/2 to 2 days at sea. Or in the case of a transatlantic cruise, pretty much the whole time you are at sea