Ever feel like EVERYTHING is harder than for everybody else?

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leaford
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01 Mar 2008, 5:02 pm

Sometimes I just feel like between the clumsiness, the social ackwardness, the sensory confusion, etc, that every single thing I do is harder for me than it would be for an NT. Every normal day to day activity; shaving, washing, dressing, walking, working, talking, pushing buttons, typing, EVERY DAMN THING that should be effortless is complicated and difficult. I hate especially having to open food packets. Other people just tear off a corner; I struggle, twisting and pulling until the damn thing finally bursts open, half the time spilling the stuff. Walking through an office. I never have completely unbruised knees, elbows, shins or shoulders thanks to constantly bumping into office furniture and doorframes. Just passing a coworker in the hallway is an embarrasing situation. Do I say Hi? Is it too soon to make eye contact? What else do I look at? Is it too late now, am I being rude? I said Hi before, do I still need to say Hi now? AAGH!

Then I try to remind myself that some people have real physical handicaps that are much worse to struggle through tham my little problems. Doesn't really help, but I try.



kleodimus
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01 Mar 2008, 5:07 pm

life is harder for me than anyone else



iceb
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01 Mar 2008, 5:23 pm

All the time!

but as you point out for some it is even harder!
In the great scheme of things my problems are pretty trivial I might never make a tennis pro or a chat show host but I do OK :)


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DukeGallison
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01 Mar 2008, 5:55 pm

I feel this way about some video games...I personally find some to be hard, and really get offended when reviews for them gloat about them being "easy."



Grey_Kameleon
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01 Mar 2008, 5:59 pm

I've lived my entire life feeling that way, and it really took its toll on my self esteem. I've learned to forgive myself as I learned more, but sometimes it's frustrating, like when I'm brewing coffee or doing laundry, and I end up losing ridiculous amounts of time because I can't multitask. Or when I can read books on personal interests ridiculously fast, but I can't write a 3 page paper on my favorite movie.

Laughing at myself certainly helps a lot. I'm a wonderful source of humor.



Morrissey
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01 Mar 2008, 7:06 pm

hi, how old are you? sounds like you need role models, watch lots of movies and copy what people do and when you're walking past a work colleague or walking down the long corridor in your office you can conciously think at that point think of copying the style.

That's what I do, i'm 25 and I conciously think about who I am in different situations.

What i've done in my life is look up all the talented artists who seem to portray AS traits - actors, musicians, film directors...anyone who I like their personality style and pick up EVERYTHING from them and work out intellectual ways of acting in different situations

My favourite people are David Byrne, Andy Kaufman, David Lynch, Crispin Hellion Glover, Johnny Depp, Morrissey, Thom Yorke, Andy Warhol, Neil Young

My advice - act like your heroes!



RampionRampage
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01 Mar 2008, 7:21 pm

Morrissey wrote:

My advice - act like your heroes!


continuing the general theme of the thread - - - this is apparently easier for you than for other people here.
i'm glad you found something that worked, though.


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MissConstrue
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01 Mar 2008, 7:37 pm

Man, I know what you mean. I hate all the loud subtle noises and feel like I shouldn't have to struggle with the little things but I do. Little things like cooking something simple, instead I get TV dinner. Taking a shower is a big effort. Grocery shopping, meds, talking to my doctor, chatting, akward clummsiness, shakiness from too much stimuli going on around me like ppl. I hate it and none of my sisters has this and are pursuing their interests like careers and college. There's times where I get so depressed about it that I wonder if it's even worth the effort just to stay alive. What really annoys me is when ppl see these traits and either think I'm lazy or being dramatic. They have no idea. My damn doctor has no idea and I feel like yelling at her.



Pithlet
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02 Mar 2008, 12:03 am

My mom actually pointed this out to me back when I didn't know about Asperger's. I was talking to her about a job interview and she observed that things always seemed like so much more of a struggle for me than for my sisters. Everything from getting the job I want, making long lasting friendships, doing well overall in school (not just in the interesting classes), just having things turn out the way I want them too. She thought it was odd because I was intelligent, but life was still a much bigger struggle for me than it was for my sisters. I agreed with her, but niether of us had an answer back then. Then I learned about AS, and even though I don't have an official Dx and might never at this point, all those other things added up to make sense. I don't want to use it as an excuse, but I also feel that I don't need to blame myself quite as much anymore. Self blame doesn't really help you move forward anyway. You're always looking back at all the mistakes instead of giving yourself a chance to get it right the next time.



TheDoctor82
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02 Mar 2008, 6:45 am

Ah, but you forget- there is one thing in particular that is MUCH easier for us, and much harder for the NTs of this world- being ourself!

Face it, the world fears and rejects what it doesn't understand, yet at the same time, every single day, people try to suck up, and "be someone else", cause they're afraid of what people think of them. We get lucky- as we KNOW what we people think of us already...and we just stop caring!

We just decide to continue forward in our lives, and succeed. Oh yeah- we usually do, too! :)



tybald
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02 Mar 2008, 7:32 am

I feel like this a lot of the time too. It just seems like everything is made so difficult, however easy it should be. I struggle with it a lot and as a result I can get really down or lose my temper very quickly. I feel drained a lot of the time and it doesn't take much to push me past my limits because there's always such a high background level of stress.



kuiamalynne
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02 Mar 2008, 8:15 am

Yeah. I always feel hesitant saying things such as "everything is harder for me," for the reasons to which you stipulate above. But certainly, everyday/seemingly simple/socially motivated tasks are huge for me -- and draining. Especially walking -- I am always walking into things, tripping over myself, wondering whether I should look at/above/below passersby. It's been consistently precipitating here lately, and it's become necessary to walk with an umbrella... I keep inadvertently poking others with my umbrella, or sharing my umbrella's nasty wetness with their faces. I can't judge the space around me. Since I dislike yelling and streams of profanity, I'm thinking that my necessary recourse will be to walk, umbrella-less, and get soaked.



9CatMom
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02 Mar 2008, 10:27 am

AS actually makes my type of work easier for me than it would be for most people. It plays to my strengths: general knowledge, ability to sort and categorize, good organzational skills. I am an introvert, so my particular job as an Interlibrary Loan Page is suited to someone who isn't very chatty.

However, I do some remarkably stupid and clumsy things.



richardbenson
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02 Mar 2008, 11:17 am

yes but now i just dont care, im going to be living on my own soon and will just figure out a way to live in sociaty


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skeeterhawk
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02 Mar 2008, 11:41 am

Yes. At least for all the interpersonal stuff. Parties, job interviews. office politics, dealing with business interactions, etc. all wear me out. I am quite aware that I spend a lot of energy trying to figure out what is going on (and what isn't).

At times like this I remember that I am BETTER at mechanical details and wonky stuff. It doesn't make it all better but it does help.

Finally, (and perhaps ironically) I also know I am far superior at being alone. I remember time and again hearing accounts of peoples efforts at avoiding solitude. I have heard story after story of people breaking under the "stress" of having to spend time alone.

A friend once tried to get me to join a fraternity by using the attraction of "you'll never have to eat a meal alone". I don't think he ever believed me when I repeatedly told him that I very frequently sought and seized opportunities to eat ALONE. I thus don't ever have to fight some urge to prostitute myself in some way in order to avoid solitude.

A awful lot is still hard but there are some strengths that can be played to.



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02 Mar 2008, 4:11 pm

Many supposedly "simple" things of daily life are excruciating challenges for me, and I get down about that. I could go on, but I'll just depress myself further. Suffice it to say, there are oodles of tasks & maintenence functions that are beyond me & cause great pain (mental & physical).
On the other hand: people (apparently) pay hundreds of dollars to attend conferences, seminars, & workshops in order to get in touch with their creativity, spirit, inner child (playful, "unconstrained by being an adult" part of their humanity). I'm already there, didn't cost me a penny to become this way-guess I just got lucky, in the area of "individuation", "actualization", "self-realization", "authenticity", whatever. Y'know ?


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