empathy- mental vs emotional

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So I've been thinking about this whole "Aspies lack empathy" thing and I do not feel it is entirely true.

If I see someone hurting (physically or obviously mentally) I feel a strong desire to help, it causes me discomfort to see these things. Also say with movies, I often get emotionally involved in movies that illicit such emotions, for example a sad scene in a movie may bring a tear to my eye (shhh Don't tell anyone!).

However I am generally unaware of the importance of social niceties and how NT's operate with them. I joke a lot and sometimes I get real gems out but other times go "too far", or the joke just isn't found funny. I don't care much for gossip but make an effort to try and listen.

So I've thought that this empathy thing is because of emotional empathy and mental empathy.

So here is my idea on how Aspie's deal with empathy.

If we see something that we can emotionally engage with, like seeing others in pain or great happiness or an example of honest triumph, we can empathise with them. It elicits an emotional response in us due to empathy. Of course the ability to notice these emotional symbols will affect the level of this empathy.

Aspie's are bad at mentally empathising with others. When listening to someone talk about something (like what they did on the weekend, how their family is, general gossip stuff) we have trouble putting ourselves into that persons position to understand the importance of saying those things and the desire for that person to have their thoughts heard. Conversely this means we also have trouble noticing interest, or lack thereof, when we talk. This would also lead to trouble with jokes and humour.

Of course this is just a general theory and individuals can be different and learn to overcome difficulties.

Does anyone think this is generally accurate description of empathy with Aspie's? Any comments?

I think I agree with the gist, but the terms mental empathy and emotional empathy don't set well with me - it doesn't accurately differentiate between the two, at least in my own semantic understanding. I would perhaps term them as instinctive empathy and analytical empathy... the former being the method used by those not on the spectrum, consisting of a combination of nonverbal cues and social understanding among other components; the latter seemingly more common among those on the spectrum, derived from experiential data, building an understanding of what the situation might be like in their own shoes instead of associating the situation with the person who is experiencing it. That difference results in many of the confused conversation and seeming rudeness or inability to truly 'empathize' in a traditional sense. The analytic process can, in time, result in a more associative process that can more closely approximate expectations, but it's rather tiring and still prone to error. This is just my experience - I don't assume that these would necessarily work for others. The entire process can be time consuming, and depending on the people around you, they may not have the patience to work with that sort of conversation.

And I get emotional at what others consider 'odd' times in films... often associated with animals or nature being damaged, or situations that I can directly relate to my own life in some manner that may seem disjointed to another person.


M.

Yeah I somewhat agree with what you're saying. I can get emotionally involved in films as well - and scream out instructions to the characters and stuff like that. And in real life I've got empathy for others who are obviously hurting - physically or mentally. But please note that 'obviously' is my key word here. Because I don't think it's always obvious.

One time I had a friend who was very upset because she'd just found out that her friend was close to dying and she was quickly trying to pack her bag to get on an aeroplane so she could visit her. She told me the news as she was rushing about trying to pack her things. So I expressed my sympathy to her. And then I changed the subject so I could discuss a dream I'd had the previous night because I'd actually been quite eager to tell her about it. It was only because she didn't answer my question about it that I realised I should have spent more time expressing my sympathy for her friend's dying situation. Woops - but I'm just not good at lingering on these issues like people seem to expect from me.

And when someone is crying I find it difficult to empathise because usually my own crying is incongruent with my thoughts - so basically it doesn't mean much to me and I usually just ignore it. So when other people cry it confuses me, maybe even annoys me. I try not to stick around. Perhaps if I knew the obvious reason it would make it easier to empathise. But I don't know if emotions can be that obvious - they're pretty messy things. And listening to the whole story that could explain the crying is a very draining activity.

But I don't want anyone to be sad because I know firsthand how painful that can be. If I'm distressed or uncomfortable when someone is crying and wish they would stop - does that mean I have empathy for them? I wish I could help but I know the help I can offer is very limited.

I can empathize somewhat both ways. Its just either if my mind is pre-occupied with something else, or if I straight up dont give a f**k about the individual in question (which I do tend to lump people I dont know in general here), I wont empathize at all.

I have been working on faking the whole empathizing things to the point it is highly passable and NT individuals dont think anything is wrong with me. For example waiting in the waiting room at the wound care center sometimes other patients will try to chat with me. Ill just nod my head now and then, maybe say yeah, no, or hmm... depending on what was said and such. I dont really say anything personal however, and that goes for people I know personally as well (IE: friends, coworkers and such. Might say stuff that walks the line into personal territory, but thats about it. Of course I do enjoy coming off as an enigma to others however.)