AS "Denial"?

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In my thoughts and online, I'm completely comfortable with being an aspie, but it's different when it comes to my interactions with other people in real life. I like to pretend that without mentioning AS, I'll be able to convince people to accept and understand my "quirks". Or that if I don't say anything about it, they won't notice and I'll blend in.

The reality is very different. Something AS-related comes up every time I interact with someone. People are "thrown off" by my nonverbal communication (or lack thereof) and the way my voice sounds. They get annoyed when I talk at length about one of my interests, or relate everything they say to one of my interests. It frequently becomes an issue that has to be discussed.

Yet somehow, I can't bring myself to tell anyone I have AS. I'm terrified that it will be used against me. It's like I think that if I don't mention it, it might go away or something . . .

Anyone else experience this?

I am exactly the same way. For whatever reason I can't bring myself to tell people, partially because I don't like trying to explain it to people who don't understand it. But then with my behaviors, I probably seem kind of weird or awkward. Either way, I just try to ignore it. I speak as little as possible, and generally don't interact with people.

I look back at when I was younger and some days I wish I'd had a Dx back then, it would have been easier to explain me to people. But then I remember how cruel some of the people I had to deal with were and realize, that it turns out to have been better for me to not have a DX, they would have just glommed onto that and I would have been even more of a freak.

I'm glad to have the Dx now, because I actively use it to change what people know and understand about autism (and to tell people to stop giving AS money)!