This is long, so those of you who actually read it have my appreciation. The first part is some symptoms that applied to me that I copied and pasted from a site <- and added notes to.
I might actually print this out and give it to my psych. to see what he thinks.
Just wondering if you guys think I have it. You might actually know better than a psychiatrist because you actually experience it. So tell me what you think.
Questions and comments are welcome.
Forgot to mention this: My mom justs told me yesterday that in the letter that my psych. sent to my college he wrote and I quote "displays asperger qualities" I have no idea what he's noticed, but I know what I've noticed. So I'm going to be going in to talk with him about this.
The sensory systems can be broken down into six areas. These can be divided into two main areas: hyper (high) and hypo (low) sensitivity. However, it is important to remember that the difficulties/differences may for some individuals fall into both areas.
Balance (vestibular) system
Situated in the inner ear, this provides information on where our body is in space and its speed, direction and movement, all in relation to the pull of gravity. It is fundamental in helping us to keep our balance and posture. For an individual on the spectrum, difficulties/differences may be:
Hypo
• the need for rocking, swinging, spinning <-Covered in essay
Body awareness (proprioception) system
Situated in the muscles and joints, our body awareness system tells us where our bodies are. It also informs us where our body parts are and how they are moving. For an individual on the spectrum difficulties/differences may be:
Hyper
• difficulties with fine motor skills, manipulating small objects (buttons, tying shoe laces)<-Covered in essay
Smell (olfactory) system
Processed through chemical receptors in the nose, this tells us about smells in our immediate environment. Smell is a sense that is often neglected and forgotten about. It is, however, the first sense we rely upon. For an individual on the spectrum difficulties/differences may be:
Hyper
• dislike of individuals with distinctive perfumes, shampoos, etc. <- Perfume has always bothered me, I remember this girl in class who was a smoker and sat right next to me in middle school would always spray perfume to cover up the smell of cigarettes and I asked her if she could please not spray it around me and she sprayed me with it (she was a total b***h)
• smells can be intensified and overpowering <- The smells I really have a problem with (besides perfume) are cleaning supplies. I could never go into the cleaning isles at grocery stores when I was a child and now if I have to when I’m shopping for myself I try to move through the isle and get what I need as quickly as possible. It’s still a huge problem for me. My eyes burn and I feel like I’m choking. Just the other day I went into the first floor bathroom at school and I had to turn right around and leave because of the concentrated smell of a very strong soap they’d used to clean the room with.
I’m not including the sight one here as nothing in it seems to apply to me at this point in my life and if it ever did I don’t remember it (though I do need a high brightness setting on video games and my computer, so I might be “Hypo- may see things darker”).
Hearing (auditory) system
Situated in the inner ear, this informs us about sounds in the environment. It is the most commonly recognized aspect of sensory impairment. For an individual on the spectrum, difficulties/differences may be:
Hyper
• volume of noise can be magnified and surrounding sounds distorted and muddled<- I find this happening a lot if I’m in a place with a good number of people and trying to zero in on one person to have a conversation (this also applies to the symptom directly below too)
• inability to cut out particular sounds - difficulties concentrating <- This was a big reason for my difficulties in school when I was younger, not so much now because college classes at Kendall are much quieter and there’s such a small class size
• Their hearing impairment can have a direct effect on their ability to communicate and may also affect their balance. <- Not balance so much but communication definitely
Touch (tactile) system
(I seem to be a bit of both for this one)
Situated on the skin, the largest organ of the body, it relates to touch, type of pressure, level of pain and helps us distinguish temperature (hot and cold).
Touch is a significant component in social development. It helps us to assess the environment we are in and enables us to react accordingly. For an individual on the spectrum difficulties/differences may be:
Hypo
• self harm <-picking at skin, picking at lip- even to point of bleeding, pulling eyelashes
• enjoys heavy objects on top of them<-Covered in essay
Hyper
• dislike of having anything on hands or feet <-not hands so much but feet definitely, I’ll go into more detail in my essay
• only likes certain types of clothing or textures<-Covered in essay
Taste (gustatory) system
Processed through chemical receptors in the tongue it tells us about different tastes - sweet, sour, bitter, salty and spicy. Individuals will often have restricted diets as a result of their taste buds being extra sensitive. For an individual on the spectrum difficulties/differences may be:
Hyper
• some flavors and foods are too strong and overpowering for them <- When I was younger I couldn’t stand anything spicy, at all. Now that I’m older I can handle some spicy foods, but they have to be very, very mild.
• certain textures also cause discomfort; some children will only eat smooth foods such as mashed potatoes or ice-cream. <-cover in essay
Additional sensory difficulties
Synaesthesia
This is a rare condition, separate from autism, which some individuals on the spectrum say they experience. This is when confusion in the sensory channel occurs. A sensory experience goes in through one system and out through a different system. For example an individual hears a sound (auditory system) but sees colors (visual system). <- I smell something (olfactory system) and I taste it without actually having it in my mouth (gustatory system). I think my dad might have this too.
Special interests
People with Asperger syndrome may develop an intense, sometimes obsessive, interest in a hobby or collecting. Sometimes these interests are lifelong; in other cases, one interest is replaced by an unconnected interest. <-I have several obsessions, and I collect ceramic dogs which I line up on my windowsill. My teddy bear collection was at my parents house and I had them all arranged perfectly on top of the wardrobe and then I visited them and found out they took my teddy bears down and stuffed them in a box which is “somewhere in the basement” I very was irritated by this so I left the room to calm down, it’s not my room anymore after all it’s there’s. So screaming about it wasn’t going to help.
Difficulty with social imagination
People with Asperger syndrome can be imaginative in the conventional use of the word. For example, many are accomplished writers, artists and musicians. But people with Asperger syndrome can have difficulty with social imagination. This can include:
• imagining alternative outcomes to situations and finding it hard to predict what will happen next <- I can imagine alternative outcomes, in fact I worry over negative outcomes. But I have trouble predicting not what will happen next but what a situation will be like, I get very nervous when I go into a situation not knowing what to expect. I’m working on this by forcing myself into situations that I have no experience in, for example this summer I’m going to Europe for a summer class and I am absolutely terrified. I’m also getting a job on Mackinaw Island this summer, also terrifying, but at least I know my way around the island. Having to deal with different people on a daily basis is what’s going to be especially difficult for me.
• understanding or interpreting other peoples thoughts, feelings or actions. <- This is still hard for me today but a lot harder for me when I was younger. I’ve nearly lost friends over this one.
Difficulty with social communication
People with Asperger syndrome sometimes find it difficult to express themselves emotionally and socially. For example, they may:
• have difficulty understanding gestures, facial expressions or tone of voice <- I had trouble with this when I was younger but not so much now, I remember people’s tone of voice never seemed to match their facial expressions to me. When I was younger and we finally got the internet I would Google expressions like mad and happy and sad so I would have examples in my head to go off of.
• have difficulty knowing when to start or end a conversation and choosing topics to talk about <- Most definitely, especially when it comes to topics to talk about, unless there’s a new fact I want to share about one of my interests I tend to sit in the background and listen, even when I’m with friends sometimes
• use complex words and phrases but may not fully understand what they mean <- I don’t think this is me, but that might just be because I read the dictionary for enjoyment
• be very literal in what they say <- This is true a fair amount of the time, I can be very sarcastic though, so probably not. I do take things literally sometimes, not so much when it’s being said to me because I can recognize facial expressions really well now, but reading is a different matter. Like online when I’m reading sites or when instant messaging I can’t tell if someone is joking or being sarcastic unless they put down something like LOL or a smiley face or a wink. So I read literally...
Difficulty with social interaction
Many people with Asperger syndrome want to be sociable but have difficulty with initiating and sustaining social relationships, which can make them very anxious. People with the condition may:
• struggle to make and maintain friendships <- Definitely. I really only have two friends and I think of pretty much everyone else as just an acquaintance.
• not understand the unwritten 'social rules' that most of us pick up without thinking. For example, they may stand too close to another person, or start an inappropriate topic of conversation <- My parents still give me lectures on what is and is not an appropriate topic of conversation before every social gathering. I don’t think I have a problem with standing too close to people, but I might be wrong, you’d have to ask the person I’m standing next to.
• find other people unpredictable and confusing <-Not now, maybe when I was younger.
• become withdrawn and seem uninterested in other people, appearing almost aloof<-yup.
• behave in what may seem an inappropriate manner <- my parents will attest to this
Other Symptoms
Alexithymia, literally "without words for emotions" is a term coined by Peter Sifneos in 1973 to describe a state of deficiency in understanding, processing, or describing emotions. Alexithymia frequently co-occurs with other disorders, with a representative prevalence of 85% in autism spectrum disorders. <-Definitely have this, it was especially bad when I was on medication, I was already having trouble feeling emotions and then I end up on Zoloft and Xanax and ended up feeling pretty much nothing. Also someone would ask me how I was feeling and I quite literally could not come up with the words to describe how I felt, so I’d lie and just say fine, because it was what everyone else I observed said. I knew what emotions were expected of me though and I faked these a lot. Like when I was told someone I knew died I wouldn’t feel anything, but I’d act like I was sad because I didn’t want people to think I was a “bad person.” Every now and then I still have trouble with this, especially when it comes to complex emotions, like figuring out if I'm in love or when dealing with death, I just can't process it sometimes.
Personal Experience
This is in no way complete
I might mention symptoms here I didn’t list above
When I was a young child I couldn’t tolerate socks, and I hated shoes (still do, the first thing I do when I get home is kick off my shoes). I would only wear shoes if they were loose enough to slip off my feet so I could get them off quickly and the “tongue” (I have no idea what else to call it) on the shoe had to be set low. For several years I wore shoes without socks until my mom brought home some ankle socks that I could tolerate. These are still the only type of socks I can stand to wear, and I am very picky about them. They must be the same length as each other and the stretch worn into the tops must match each other exactly or I will not wear them (it feels like ants crawling over my skin if I do). A lot of the time I will wear the same pairs of socks for several days because I cannot find another pair that meets my demands to change into and I’m just too lazy to do laundry. Recently I’ve been going barefoot around the apartment a lot more often because none of my socks are matching anymore because so many have gotten holes in them and had to be thrown out leaving a sock with “no mate.” My mom bought me these really thick warm socks this Christmas and I found myself wondering if she’d gone insane (she knows I’m not a fan of socks like that, though I suppose I should give them a try at least, really don’t want to though I just know it’s going to feel dreadful).
Another thing was jeans, I hated them, the denim was just too rough against my skin for me to tolerate (this changed as my nervous system developed and now they’re the only kind of pants I will wear, except for these brown ones that feel a lot like jeans and on the rare occasion I will wear leggings- but never tights, I hate tights with a passion). Dresses were another thing I disliked (skirts fall into this category too) there was too much of an “airy” feeling that just felt so wrong. I remember throwing tantrums when my parents would dress me up in these said monstrosities. They were itchy and scratchy, but the thing that bothered me the most was definitely the “airy sensation.” I finally compromised with them, saying I would wear the dresses if I could wear shorts underneath them, which solved the “airy” problem. I will wear them on occasion now when a situation calls for it, but I really hate them.
Other things that I’ve always been defensive to are paints and chalk. I remember finger painting was more like punishment then play. The paint would be all slick and slimy and then suddenly it’d be dry and cracking against my skin, it felt horrible. And chalk, oh god how I hated chalk! That rough dusty texture was maddening, it made me want to pull at my hair and run around the room screaming. I’d have to use a paper towel whenever I had to use chalk- sometimes the teachers would have this chalk holder they’d let me use.
I love pressure on my body. Growing up my favorite game was “human sandwich” where my dad would lie on top of me and my sister would lie on top of him or I would lie on top of my dad and my sister would lie on top of me and we’d make a “human sandwich” I loved being the “bottom bread” or “filling” because of the weight involved. I would pile pillows on myself or take cushions off the couch to lie under. I never really realized that enjoying these things was a symptom of Asperger’s till I read the info that I listed at the top of this page. And before I ever did find out this information, quite by accident I discovered that having a heavy blanket on me at night helped me to calm down and sleep. I’ve always had trouble getting to sleep at night and waking up in the morning- I’ve read somewhere that a delayed sleep/wake response can sometimes be a symptom.
I remember when I was a child being unsure as to whether or not other people had feelings. I remember bringing it up with my mom after church one day and she just said something along the lines of “it’s natural for someone your age to think like that.”
When I entered elementary school people would say things like “That’s a nice shirt” and I would return with an “I know”- this would probably be an example of a communication problem. My mom had to explain to me what a compliment was, how one is recognized, and that “thank you” was the appropriate response. The next time I received “a compliment” I had to think real hard over the information I had been given before deciding it was a compliment and giving the appropriate response. And then I couldn’t figure out if I had done the right thing or not, I think I was having trouble reading the persons facial expression. I don’t have any real problems recognizing facial expressions anymore, but people’s actions and responses still confuse me quite frequently and I find myself always looking for the “right answer” during conversations. When I say something I always worry on whether or not I’ve said something wrong and go over what I’ve said repeatedly in my mind trying to analyze it for any possible offense.
I had trouble with my motor skills, I can't remember if I had trouble with buttons, but I remember having trouble tying my shoes. I wore Velcro shoes for the longest time. Well beyond the normal age for Velcro shoes I think. I also had trouble getting scissors to cut in a straight line. My parent sent me to this lady named Patty and she worked with me on my fine motor skills. Some of it was a lot of fun and some things weren't. My favorite part was towards the end when I'd get to ride on "Brownie" which was this wooden beam covered in brown padding and attached to a rope and I would spin round and round on it. I don't have any real motor skill problems anymore, except my handwriting is still rubbish.
I had a tutor when I was in I think elementary school, who worked with me on my math. If I was good and did the work she let me play with her stone collection. "Play" involved running the smooth stones through my fingers and arranging them according to color. She also worked with me on my eye contact, which is another symptom I still have trouble with, especially around people I don't know.
My big obsession when I was growing up was bugs, I had all these books on bugs that I would pour over for hours looking at the brightly colored, detailed drawings- bug books were the most common gifts I was given because of this obsession. My favorite bedtime story was “National Audubon Society Field Guide to North American Butterflies.” I used to pick up worms and carry them around in my pockets and I made an ant farm in one of my mom’s window boxes, and I bought an ant farm with those big farmer ants and I just had to catch that butterfly I saw- I would chase it all over the neighborhood. And instead of spending hours with my Easy Bake Oven I’d dedicate my time to the Creepy Crawler Oven.
I remember one time in band class I got in trouble and was “kicked out” because there was a fly in the room buzzing around above my head and I couldn’t focus on the music, no, I wanted to talk about the fly. About how many legs the fly had and how it would spit on stuff and then slurp the liquid back up and did you know that their vision is all fragmented?
My teachers never seemed to be satisfied with me it was always “she’s too disruptive in class” or “she’s so quiet all the time, she doesn’t want to interact with her peers.” I remember my mom told me when I was in preschool I preferred to sit away from the other children where it was quiet. I have one image in my mind of this where I’m sitting off by myself petting a teddy bear because I liked how soft it was and listening to the teacher read to the other children.
I know I was a picky eater when I was younger and I would throw fits if I received a meal that I didn’t like, but I can’t remember what my main eating habits were back then and my mom isn’t around to ask- I’ll update this part if I find out. I know at this point in my life I don’t like tomatoes because they’re squishy or mayonnaise because it feels slimy in my mouth. I love eating smooth things: Noodles (firm), mashed potatoes, rice, corn, suckers, I peel the skin off grapes with my teeth and eat that first and if I deem the rest firm and non-squishy I’ll eat that too. I also like things that are chewy because of the slight tugging sensation I get on my teeth.
As I was growing up I had a habit of bringing up topics that were inappropriate for the situation I was in. My parents would lecture me angrily for hours after we left a gathering if I’d done something like that. But I couldn’t understand what I’d done wrong and I felt like I was a bad person because of it. To this day they still lecture me on what is and is not an appropriate topic of conversation before any social gathering, even though for the most part I have now figured it out.
I had meltdowns up until I want to say about the age of fifteen or sixteen, I had them most frequently when I was a small child. During these times I would cry uncontrollably for hours for "no apparent reason" and say things like: “I want to go home” when, most of these times, I was at home. I think what I was really trying to say is: “I want to be someplace safe.” When I was little the only way my mom could get me to calm down was to hold me in her lap and rock me in the rocking chair. When I got older my parents either yelled at me to “stop crying” or just ignored me.
I’ve always hated large crowds of people I don’t know and having to go to places I have never been to before. I used to have my parents or sister speak to people for me because I was too nervous to approach them. I can’t really do that anymore as I live on my own.
My current obsessions are blood types, zodiac signs, Smallville, and Death Note. I still love bugs but it’s fallen by the wayside a bit in light of new interests and the fact I now live in the city where bugs are much more scarce.
I've read that people with Asperger's Syndrome don't just watch television but "become involved in it" which I can definitely attest to. For me television shows and movies aren't something I watch but something I get drawn into. Almost become a part of. The characters I most frequently latch on to are ones that also demonstrate problems with making and keeping friends like: Lex Luthor (Smallville), Rodney McKay (Stargate Atlantis), and L Lawliet (Death Note). All of these Characters at one point or another have said something along the lines of someone being their only friend or the closest thing they've ever had to a friend.
Now that I’m in college if things get too stressful in class I leave the room to calm down (I do this a lot in jewelry class because it just gets so noisy in there and the room is very small so everyone is pressed close together) or I stim- usually I bounce my leg or tap my fingers on a hard surface or keyboard or I suck on a sucker while in the classroom- sometimes I’ll try to lose myself in a drawing or my computer since we’re required to have laptops now. Something along those lines that’s not too disruptive.
My other stims include chewing my nails, unwrapping sucker sticks to a sharp point and then pressing the tip into my lips, chewing things (usually suckers or sucker sticks or gum, sometimes clothing or my headphone cord). If I’m not allowed to do one of those activities I get very anxious and antsy and get the urge to run or scream.
I love swinging, I’ll go to the park and swing whenever the weather permits it and I don’t have classes, and it’s not just thirty minutes or so of swinging. I’ll swing up to three hours straight or more.
I love writing and drawing because I’m free to create my own worlds with my own rules. And my own stories are an obsession of mine too. I’ll research different aspects for hours. I get very annoyed when people bother me when I’m busy with one of these activities.
There’s a lot more things of course, but this is all I can think of to write at the moment.
Last edited by Amara on 08 Mar 2008, 5:27 pm, edited 4 times in total.
08 Mar 2008, 3:27 pm
