Being stalked on websites

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Okay, kids....here's a problem that I haven't seen posted on here. It just brings to the forefront in all of our heads that we should remember that we aren't ever truly insulated from the NT world, no matter how hard we try.

My ex-husband has stalked me on several other forums that I have since stop contributing to. However, because I feel so welcomed and safe here, I just never worried about here. I've had to change my screen name and my avatar before, but felt that my new identity was keeping me fairly well cloaked. I find out in court the other day that he's found me on here and even announced my screenname.

I'm getting tired of this whole court case. I've been running away from him for a long time and I just feel exhausted about the whole thing. I don't know what to do. I don't want to change again. I just thought I was a little safer here. Now, I feel like I'm not safe anywhere again and it's affecting everything. So, throw me out some suggestions. I've become fairly brain dead about the whole thing lately, so no suggestion is stupid.

If he makes any attempt at harassing you on the forums, we can ban him.

Other than that.... well, I'm in your shoes as well. If my ex (who is a sociopath and wants me dead, yay) finds out about my account here, I will have to stop using it. I will PM you in couple minutes.

You could probably report him to his ISP or something. It doesnt sound like what he is doing is legal.

Yes, he announced in court that I was posting on wrongplanet and revealed my screen name. He hasn't actually harassed me on here as of yet, but he did last time before I changed to current screen name and sent me an email on my personal email account telling me that he'd found me. Thus, he did not reveal whether or not he had made up an account on here and consequently, also not telling me what his screenname might be.

I got Alex to change just my screen name last time, but here we are again and I hate to have to bother anyone. But it really doesn't help my security issues when I feel as if I am not safe. He was an abuser and did alot to me and my son, so we have alot of stuff because of it. I don't know what to do.

oh jeeze girls that is terrible! my stepdad used to stalk me on the old forums i posted on, and i finally had to quite posting there

Do you have a restraining order? If he was an abuser, perhaps you could get one. That won't stop him from trying to find you on the internet, but it will make you able to press charges if he contacts you.

No, they always turn down my restraining orders because our judge is about 1000 years old and he doesn't understand being stalked on the internet.

Oh, I wish! When I manage to accomplish that, I will build a little flash with me prancing brilliantly about wearing a t-shirt that says "Off with their 'eads" or some other appropo statement. I've tried. I'm stuck with this idiot.

I've been discussing this with one of the mods. I am going to have to think about it. I'm trying to decide how much I care? Does that make sense. Truthfully, it just really pisses me off that he drags my posts into court and tries to use them to claim that I'm crazy. I'm not crazy, I just have issues. It's the equivalent of me going into court and saying that because he's morbidly obese, he's dead. The two aren't really connected, but they still look really promising together.

Restraining orders and court actions only impact people who are basically law-abiding in the first place. A true stalker is highly unlikely to give a damn. I would be interested in knowing how he both found and identified you here?

Having been down that road before, all I can suggest is that you do not post openly for a while under any identifiable screen name, and if you post under another name say nothing that could personally identify you. You might want to simply keep your communications down to "PM" to your correspondents for the forseeable future. If he knows you have an interest in the Aspergers' community, he'll Google until the cows come home to find websites that you might visit, and will watch for posters that might be you at those sites.

If he threatens you, keep electronic copies of the communications - those you CAN do something with. But him just popping up where you go, unless a judge tells him not to? (Why would a judge do so? Being an annoying dick isn't illegal.), Well, there's not a lot you can do. There are a lot of a**holes in the world. Unless you can hire one for an attorney, your chances of impressing the judge with what your ex is doing probably aren't very good.

You cannot truly "ditch" a determined ex in real life without quite a lot of effort. If you are serious about losing contact with your ex, you may need to be incredibly drastic. You may have to change your name, your habits, your line of work, your location (i.e., move out of state). You'll have to use an assumed name, or have someone unknown to your ex to sign leases and subscribe to other services you need/want. Anytime you use your social security number or driver's license, or open any sort of account (utilities, rent, credit, car insurance) that links any of your prior data, you will become visible in the online tracking systems that are so easy to buy a subscription for. You won't be able to list prior employers as references, because if they get a call for a reference for someone they might keep a record of that, and if your ex is particularly nasty he might be able to wheedle that info out of some unsuspecting clerk (yes, he did). You may even have to go on the alternate economy for a while, working without a social security number attached (unless you can get the SS Administration to issue you a new number, which is incredibly complex and requires lawyers). You'll have to cut ties with your friends and family, so that nobody can accidently mention where you are. I hope, really I do hope in a most serious way, that you're not at this point. Because it's a hard road.

I know this next bit is going to sound absolutely awful and desperate, but if you're there, you're there: Some guys will veer off if you're involved with another male. Especially if the guy you're currently with (or APPEAR to be with) is a bad, bad dog. It's some sort of weird, territorial, "property of" mindset that some guys have. Playing that kind of game is ethically questionable, but sometimes there's no other way. If you could find an obliging friend, that would be optimal here. If not, you have to weigh the costs of actually getting involved with someone for less than ideal reasons. Save it as a last resort. A very, very last resort, because it will also have costs.

The very best of luck to you, hon. Really.

PS If he's just PM'ing you, hit delete without opening anything from anyone you do not know.

I like the reporting him by IP to his internet company idea, he had to sign something I am sure to get it going, and it sounds like he is probably breaking some rule or regulation with them.

I don't know all the particulars, but I would say don't give him the rise he wants, you have a right to be here, and if he tries to harass you on here he can be banned by IP, and I'm pretty sure you can set him to ignore his PMs.

I would also take screen shots of all his posts on threads if he tries anything, and save those e-mails for the court.

if i get a link to his profile i can code his machine to jam

Well, the biggest problem that I have is that he's a huge techno geek and I just have that nagging feeling in the back of my brain that it just doesn't matter what I do. He'll find me. Which is a very sobering thought altogether.

He's been smart enough to let me know he knows what I'm posting without doing it through WP. He always uses my private email to let me know that he knows what I'm doing. And never reveals his screen name, if he has one on here, to me. Unfortuneately, it's not illegal to be a prick and the law doesn't really understand cyber stalking. Sucks to be me, I guess.