Am I Being Unreasonable ??????

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This is regarding my 43 year old brother-in-law, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia about7 yrs. ago. He is not asperger, I am. He lost it last week and 2 sheriffs came to get him .He has been under observation at the psych ward, but is coming home today... My issue is the turmoil my husband has been enduring because he works with my BIL, and both will get half the business when the time comes... The BIL cannot function around people, dazes and slumps around , while my husband has to carry his workload as well as for the BIL...He is worthless as an employee, yet the pay is the same for both.. The BIL has been pampered, peter panned, catered to since day one, and he is paying the price for it now, completely dependent on mommy , daddy..Forgive me for being so bitter, part of me sees him as a selfish jerk, and part of me sees him as a helpless lost child...tears are shed for both of them.... How can we cope with a schizophrenic who is but a fraction of what he used to be, scares the children around him, goes hunting with guns when he should not be , etc... I simply do not see eye to eye with the inlaws on this, I would rather he be put on disability before he ruins the family busi ness............................

Um, sorry, but yeah, you sound a bit unreasonable. The guy has schizophrenia. It's a major psychotic illness, not a lifestyle choice. Seriously, I'd stay out of the issue: it's between him and his family to deal with and come to an arrangement over.

Just because the guy's psychotic, it doesn't mean her husband should be responsible for the brother in-law's workload. And if that's affecting her husband, it is her business.

I don't know the details of the work situation, but maybe your brother in law could try to find a better job then you guys wouldn't be involved with the guy.

Alex, It is part of a family business since the 1950's... the BIL has only had that one job in his life, and they have a lot of loyalty to their father.. It is very obvious that BIL has some issues, he carries an evil look, and turns people away, potential customers and bidders on jobs away.. The stress on my husband is taking its toll, and the inlaws have always been in denial on the problems of their kids, covering for them, etc....I feel for my husband and his brother, but if this is ruining their business, and they are losing jobs specifically because of the BIL erratic behavior, I do not know what to do....There is no retirement fund, no perks, nothing, just the fact that they will continue to carry on the business together, an already tense situation here...... I have been married for 21 years, so I do have a say somewhat..........

Lene, I must agree to disagree with you, he just lives up the road from us, comes around, says nothing to any of us, just stares at us and the rooms, we have kids who wonder whay he is here and behaves like he does... The husband spends more time at work with BIL, and then BIL follows husband home here...It is a crowded marriage when the BIL spends more time with your husabnd than you get to .......

Sorry Rushfanatic, I didn't mean to sound so harsh before (I've just reread my comment)- it sounds a total nightmare for you and your family, but if they're really close-knit, it could be very hard to get them to listen to your point.

I don't think that you're being unreasonable. I can see your in-laws POV, though. If your BIL is severely affected by schizophrenia he probably cannot work anywhere else, and most likely HAS to be dependent on his parents.

Is there any room for discussion regarding the issue with your in-laws? If you, or your husband were to sit down to discuss things would they be open to compromise? If so, I'd suggest asking them if your BIL could possibly do something within the company that doesn't involve direct customer relations, and the like. If he's scaring away clients, then nobody is winning in that situation. I don't completely agree with just sticking him on disability if he can get up, and go to work everyday, and do something with his day. Even if he's not all that productive, at least he's not just sitting around doing nothing all day, and quite possibly getting into trouble due to boredom. I do find it a little scary that your BIL gets paid as much, and has as much say in the company as your husband. Hopefully, someday your in-laws will realize that your BIL isn't ever going to be able to be responsible enough on his own to run a company, and let your husband inherit it. Though, I do think that the BIL should get some sort of money out of it.

It's just a sticky situation anyway you look at it. I sense your frustration, but i also see the rock, and a hard place your in-laws are in. I hope that things will improve for your family soon.

Serenity, I felt a sense of serenity after your post.... I need to stand on the sidelines, as I usually have done..to watch the one who I love so much get beaten down by stress and work-details, well, he does not deserve that.. The BIL is well- financially, all he spent on himself was beer and smokes, and built a home next to his parents mortgage-free( where he is never at)...I see hubby's side, I see parent's side, I try to see BIL's side...lotta mixed feelings here....Thank you to all who responded, I sure appreciate it... I love my BIL, he is a good kid, but he is really spirally down, and it is time to stop pretending nothing is wrong with the business future....