When Would You Have Liked To Know

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I have a 7 year old son and an 11 year old daughter. Both probably Aspie's.
My phylosophical and practical question is as follows:
"If I had Asperger's Syndrome (which I probably do) and my parents knew about it, when and how would be the best way to find out?"
When do you start understanding that you do not understand?

Advice appreciated. (mostly from people with personal experiences)

Dr. Goose

I knew that something was wrong with me around the time I was put back into the third grade. I would have liked to have gotten some sort of psychological help then.

I've known all my life, so I don't know how to answer that. I like that it was never a secret, and that I learned more as my mind grew.

I'd have liked to know I had AS by the time I was out of grade school. I could have made a lot more of my time in school if I'd known exactly how I was different from the other kids, not that it would have compelled me to conform, as I was proud to be weird.

i would have liked to have known as soon as possible just to make sense of things but i also know that some people that know early off in life use it as a divider and end up separating themselves that they see as different and blaming the majority of their differences with people on AS.

so maybe find a way to tell them but also edjucate them on how everybody is different and that many of the differences that they will have with people are the kinds of differences that everybody has with everybody and that they arent completely different bc of AS and AS alone.

going too long without knowing and discovering too many unexplainable differences can just make a person feel naturally weird and maybe a little messed up.

It would have been very strange to know about AS as a child or teenager. I suppose if the world were ready for Aspies it would be a very different situation. But knowing I was Aspergers back in the 1950's and 1960's I suppose I would have been committed to a mental institution long before my parents actually DID send me.

It would have been so different for me, and not in a good way. I am glad I was in my late 50's before I learned. The world wasn't ready for me to know before the late 1990's.

Merle

Finding out about AS at 29, and looking back, if I could have told my mom when to take action and apply the label, it would be at my first signs of falling behind in daily life. Second grade? That was when I was getting abused after school at the babysitter's house, but came home and couldn't communicate my day to anybody. So instead, I got depressed, and would sleep during recess when I should have played, and nobody figured out the problem.

My mom had been told by some school testers that I may have a form of autism, but she denied the chance, and went the psychotherapy route for my depression. I stumbled through life thinking it was all a case of "low self esteem" and other psychobabble until a few years ago. Ha!

The sooner the better, but I guess when they can grasp that AS doesn't equal "crazy". Sort of has the same effect as telling a child they are adopted -- hold back on the truth, and they'll be upset.

I would say at around the age of 14 / 15 or so. Around the age, for me I would have been old enough to comprehend and understand what AS was and be able to start building from that, instead of struggling against an invisible enemy. This age is also the point where frustration and depression from not fitting in, and attempting to be liked and normal without success finally settled in and I became sad and desperate as a person.

Knowing at that age would have meant that I didn't consciously change everything I was, wanted and needed to try and fit in with a world I was not designed to fit in with, and that I would have a better idea of who I really am, and understand myself better.

Knowing at an earlier age would have meant I wouldn't have understood it, I wouldn't have had the struggle to truly appreciate what it is to have AS, and I probably would have told everyone and then been cast out even more. I would then have repeated the same mistakes and tried to be like everyone else, again, without success.

One thing you have to consider is that, whatever WAS known about AS before even about 10 years ago was VERY limited.

Like I said- I only found out about AS when I was finally out of high school- and even then, while it fit me, I never totally understood the impact it really has on my life.

I didn't understand until a few short weeks ago- and now that I get it, I feel like a million bucks every day.

But again- until recently, a lot of this stuff was not in immense detail. Y'also gotta ask y'self- could you have really comprehended all of this as a young child?

Back then, I would've probably hated myself for it, as I've also been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder- which usually winds up being in conjunction with something else in people; in my case, AS.

Now, being the man I am, I can understand, accept, and appreciate the good things that come of it. And knowing what I know now, if I had the chance to be "cured", I wouldn't take it

As soon as possible.
Even a young child can tell the difference between "stupid" and "social impairment."
I thought I was an idiot, my self-esteem practically died, my grades along with it. Don't underestimate children, especially aspies, they're much more aware than you think they are.

I wish I knew when I was 5 or 6. I always wondered why people thought kids HAD to be stupid. I wondered why I was even in school. I would ask about things, etc... and people wouldn't know what I was talking about. If I had known earlier just how different I was, and where, it would have really helped. Heck, I might have known about how intelligence just improves at different times, and I would have been MORE demanding about wanting a better education.

For those that don't know, apparently there are a number of AS people that develop like I do. I started out VERY smart, and people around me just seemed DUMB! Eventually, my improvement kind of leveled off, and others increased. With school, they eventually started doing about as well as I did. Comparisons ARE a bit unfair because I gave up on the system so much earlier. It was almost like I dropped out while still going. Still, they DID seem to do at least as well in several areas.

Of course, after seeing "are you smarter than a fifth grader" and the like, I guess I STILL ended up better than average. There were a LOT of times I wish I would have been on there because there were a number of times when I would have gotten to the 1 million dollar question with no help.

Probably about age 8, it would have been nice to know.

I think telling the child the actual label might be a bit of a strange question and worthy of debate.

It's like the discussions of telling people you have AS. You don't just say, I have AS. You might say something like: I'm sorry, I don't get sarcasm very well... I tend to take things literally. OR: I am not one for crowded places. I get headaches from all the noise etc... The same thing might possibly be applied to how you talk to your kids. You KNOW why they experience the world slightly differently. So you'll have to be proactive. Before 10 or 11 the information won't help them. But your understanding and influence to get the best outcomes WILL help.

That said, I would explain it to them BEFORE adolescence when the social landscape becomes infinitely more subtle and inescapable. THAT is when the big lot of information WILL help. I wish I knew what it was then. But I suppose when I grew up no one really knew what it was so...

Perhaps dealing with your kids in that kind of manner would be the best things. I am no child psychologist but explaining the individual differences would probably tend to allow the child to tackle each thing individually.

I wouldn't lie, but I'd definitely perhaps refrain from calling it Autism till about the age of 7 or 8 when they have a more fully developed conceptual faculty and are able to digest the information in it's proper context.

I would have liked to know from the beginning. Even though no one said anything to me, I knew I was different when I first entered school at age 4.

I had da autism quite early in my age but da AS diagnois would have liked 2 known when i was 7 or 8 instead of 11.

I'd like to find out in a nice positive way or else not at all. Like, when I was 13 my mother was being negative but sort of positive when she took me to the adolescent clinic. I wanted to know if there was a name for my craziness too and I trusted that they would be nice about it there if I did "have something" and they were. Dr. Larson said I wasn't autistic, I wasn't insane, and I wasn't ret*d. He said it in a nice way and had sense of humor and his attitude dictated that he thought it was a good thing if it was handled right. It was an adolescent clinic and they knew a lot of kids didn't want to tell their parents about things because they might get in trouble so before that on a form they gave me I could put a check or x in the box saying they could tell my family or in the box saying they couldn't. I thought my family would take it better, that my mother would be relieved and shut up about AS, and I knew my father wouldn't care and would just be curious in a nice fun sort of way so I said it was okay for them to tell them. Besides, it would be mean, since it was my mother who brought me there in the first place. He asked again after if it was okay for him to tell my mother and I said yes. (This turned out to be a mistake.) He told my dad I'd make a good scientist.


My father thought nothing of it and said "That sounds familiar. Didn't Einstein have that or something?"


My mother, though... long story. Going on to her relatives about how I had a DISABILITY, how I would have to work harder than others to learn social skills (some of the stuff she said about that were not not true, and yucky besides) and blahblahblah, how she had to help me in this area and that and it was so humiliating; luckily I knew my relatives enough to know that they wouldn't care or take it that seriously or I would have been much more embarrassed and shy than I was when they came to visit.