I am. It's horrible. I'm so sorry. It makes me feel so bad. Oh, s**t, I feel so horrible. Just because all my life I've been listening to my dad saying he'd eat dead cat if he had to, bragging that he could eat anything, bragging that he could go without anything but water for a week or more, making me fel like a miserable spoiled brat... I never want to hear that phrase again. "Spoiled brat." Never, ever again. I love him so much. But I hate a lot of things he said and did and I resent them. My family taught me to be ashamed.
For years I've been eating my parents' low-budget near-vomit-inducing crap (and for the last year it was only once a day, which could have been good or bad) and I felt worse and worse as the time went on. Now I feel really bad physically, 24/7. f**k low budget convenience food up the ass. Or should I say, f**k honest hard-working person's diet up the ass. I'm never going to let people walk all over me again. I don't give a rat's ass how well they mean and how hard they're trying. The point is, they were failing, and they failed. That's part of the reason why I started charity-scamming people a year and a half ago. So that I wouldn't get called a spoiled brat for making them go out of their way to get me what I needed, which they would say I just wanted. Especially my f*****g wretched father. And yes, I did a door to door scam. And you know what? I don't give a crap if the cops knock on our door, because I know I'll be going to the Club Fed in Quebec which is like a country club and they let you eat what you want, they feed the inmates well, they even have their own rooms, they get a free education while inside and medical care and everything. I'm telling you, that was so enticing. I wasn't scared of getting arrested when I charity scammed. Since I did it in two provinces, it's a federal offence, so virtually no chance of me getting thrown in a provincial s**thole where I have to eat more s**t!1 I'm still not scared of it. My paranoia from last night is gone. I wish it would happen sometimes. f**k future and school and that BS. I CAN'T f*****g CONCENTRATE if I feel f*****g miserable all the time. I CAN'T f*****g FUNCTION if you keep shaming me into "not being a picky eater" and EXPECTING ME TO FUNCTION. So what, I'm f*****g overaged and should get a f*****g job. Maybe I couldn't FIND a f*****g job in Montreal, as you know, and in f*****g Edmonton it's f*****g amazing how expensive fruit and s**t is. You people who live where it's cheap wouldn't f*****g believe it. In f*****g Vancouver, I don't know.
Now, read this and ask me, am I a spoiled brat? I will LITERALLY VOMIT if I eat anything but lettuce, tomatoes, feta cheese and olives right now. I'm so serious. A lot of the time when I start to feel better I think I can handle crap, that it will actually be sort of good, but then I start feeling bad again, so I'm never going to eat crap again. And for the record, don't blame it on me eating junk food in school, because I actually craved that s**t (and it wasn't s**t, because I craved it) and didn't feel bad physically then. Yeah, I was overweight and still am, but so what. At least I didn't feel like s**t.
I still say f**k my parents and their honest hardworking BS. I want to thank my dad for f*****g me up for life. He's the reason I have problems with my favorite person in the whole world. I never want to bother him and now he's resentful a little towards me. You f*****g tortured him, daddy dearest, I'm not doing a thing to him. Adverb thinks I get mad at him and am saying he makes me eat s**t. He never. I just f*****g made it up in my head because my f*****g gay dad and my f*****g "honest hardworking" mom made me psychotic. I want my mom to know she isn't as good a person as she thinks she is. Not as godly or anything. f*****g pushover just like me. I'm interested in how she got that way.
Not being a picky eater=being a pushover with health problems and psychological problems. f*****g closet-homosexual bastard proud of how thin he is.
And another thing; I feel bad and can't function sometimes and that makes me f**k up in some jobs sometimes and helps me lose them(yeah, my f*****g psych issues are most of it, I admit it, but some of it was the food s**t). And makes me too sluggish and f*****g dysfunctional to even start to go about getting one. f**k, I feel so bad for being with my parents for a month in Vancouver and not getting a job.
If I hear the word "spoiled brat" out of anyof them again, if I ever meet them again, and I don't think they used it justly, I think I'll become f*****g dangerous.
19 Mar 2008, 8:11 am
my car at sonic
me and my car
