Has anyone ever said they know you better than you do?

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Or acted like they might think that?


I remember my mother telling me she knew me better than I knew myself once but that was about something I decided wasn't threatening... another time, when I was 14, this shrink who diagnosed me with AS, a famous autism specialist, made the assumption that I didn't know better about something, and actually said, "I, for example, know to stop talking when someone else is talking. You don't." In a way that was nice, of course, but still, it was so false. Because, while it was wrong for me not to stop, sometimes, you feel like you'll get depressed if you keep something in, and he probably won't get depressed if he keeps what he has to say in for another minute because he's not talking about himself; he's going to be talking about me anyway. He's the doctor. He was so nice but I think it showed he might have been getting a little complacent. He told me if I had any questions to ask him anytime. I thought, what does he mean? Does he mean questions about me? After all, since he's the EXPERT, he should know better than I do about me. Or about autism, which he would say was about me too because after all, I was autistic, therefore this thing about autistics might also be about me. How would he take it if I questioned my diagnosis to him?


I think a good shrink teaches people how to explain things about themselves, not tells them things about themselves that they don't understand and they want you to assume are true because they're the expert, and then you get brainwashed thinking you're a routine nut just because he said so (because all other autistics are) or something, I'm not that good at explaining tonight, whatever. Or if they tell you you do this because of this, because most people are like that, but really you did this for a different reason. Autism specialists don't ask how you feel about anything. At least mine didn't. They just read books, listen to other people's complaints about you, like your parents', and see how you act, but don't ask why or if you did it for a different reason but don't know how to EXPLAIN why. And then they make the diagnosis based on all that shallowness.


I think this is a bit scary, at least for me, because other people seem to have so much power sometimes.

No one has said that to me, but I actually believe my mother knows me better than I do.

I wish that were the case. My main problem with society, is that no one understands the way I think. I have trouble communicating. I wish people could just plug a cable into my brain, and experience my thought processes for awhile. If I didn't have to explain my differences to everyone, my life would be a whole lot better. If it was only that easy...

Nobody knows you better than yourself (standard 'Shrink' theory).

Yeah, my father, when I was 14. My response was to keep quiet while thinking "f**k you, you self-important prick" and rolling my eyes.

OFTEN! And USUALLY, they are *****WRONG*****!

My mom routinely tells me that she knows me better than I know myself. I don't believe it, because I think that a person knows themselves better than anyone else could possibly know them. There's so much that we think and feel but don't express for others to know or understand.

This is probably just a common parental view. They think that, because they watched us grow up into a whole person and witnessed our physical & psychological evolutions that they know us from start to finish.

As for doctors and this part of your post...

"After all, since he's the EXPERT, he should know better than I do about me. Or about autism, which he would say was about me too because after all, I was autistic, therefore this thing about autistics might also be about me. How would he take it if I questioned my diagnosis to him? "

I understand what you're asking. I do not have AS, but I have been to lots of psych doctors myself (mostly in adolescence) and I'd say there is a difference between a doctor understanding a certain condition (autism, for instance) and their knowing everything there is to know about you. A person isn't only autistic if they are autistic, just like a person isn't only bipolar if they're bipolar or only diabetic if they happen to have diabetes.

So they might know all about autism without knowing anything at all about you as an individual.

I also agree with this:

"I think a good shrink teaches people how to explain things about themselves, not tells them things about themselves that they don't understand and they want you to assume are true because they're the expert"

And it's too bad that this was your experience:

"Autism specialists don't ask how you feel about anything. At least mine didn't. They just read books, listen to other people's complaints about you, like your parents', and see how you act, but don't ask why or if you did it for a different reason"

I agree that the specialists should talk to YOU as it's your diagnosis. Did this happen recently, or when you were a lot younger, like in childhood?

Sometimes people act like they know what I am or was thinking. It's very strange, because they don't know, but they insist against all contrary evidence, that they do know.

Some people definitely act like they think that. Some times they're certain - other times they're not so sure.

I have an averion to books now. And bookish intelligencia people. Thinking they know it ALL. A lot of books don't apply top EVERYTHING. They're jsut one person's opinion about one thing. It's pretty sad when people decide how you feel based on a book they read about a mental disorder you're supposed to have. My mother did that.

No. Even my parents have a hard time understanding me. And they openly admit it.

My mom says that a lot, (like when she guess that I'll eat salt and vinegar chips instead of dill pickle) but it isn't for a mean reason. She just says it as a joke.

Does your mom mean it? Because she could be joking...

How can anyone understand me when I don't even completely understand me?

Let me tell you a saying I stand by "most people don't even know what they want for THEMSELVES, let alone for you".

Don't be afraid of other people- they're more insecure than you; they just THINK you're more insecure, because of your AS- which they don't know you have.

Remember what Storm told Jubilee in one of the first episodes of X-Men: "people fear what they don't know". Oh how true it is.

See, people CLAIM they know you cause they want you to FEAR THEM. They don't understand you, so they're afraid of that- and afraid of admitting that they're full of it. That's where YOU have the upper hand. Deep down, you probably know that.

Use it to your advantage. And by "use it to your advantage", I don't mean "tell them off to make yourself feel momentarily better, and to impress other people"; that's being a second hander....and as an Aspie you should know better, since we never get along, overall, with society as it is- I mean use it for YOUR OWN BENEFIT; your own knowledge in maturing and giving yourself a better life.

I'm still so terrified of being controlled by another person or by other people. Even now when I'm with the best people in the world. I'm scared of people making decisions for me, I'm scared of people putting words in my mouth, I'm scared of people telling little white lies about me for my own good, I'm terrified of court orders forcing me to do anything if it's "for my own good", I'm terrified of being belittled or treated like an animal or a machine, or like I'm stupid or insane, or that I'm being watched and if I don't live my life to society's satisfaction, I'll be taken somewhere for re-education. I'm terrified. How can I get rid of this? I need someone to reassure me that as long as I live this will never, ever happen. I know nobody will probably say this. Either because they're just as scared as me and don't know either, or because they're the people who think they know better than me what's in my best interests. I'm terrified of having to take psych tests that are designed to make me fail. I'm terrified of having to check in with some supervisor or at the police station or with a judge or something every month or something. I'm terrified of the public being convinced that I'm inept, incompetent, insane, disturbed, ret*d, f****d up, dangerous, anything. I'm scared that if I have kids they'll be taken away from me and I'm scared that anyone, my mother for instance, I'm scared of court injunctions against me, I'm scared of powerful people. I feel so hysterically scared right now.

Only when I argue with myself, in my head.

Hey, don't tell them that!