AS and cowardice/appearing cowardly

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I'm curious; how many of you here are or seemed like cowardly people?


When there was a fight or play brawl or "Everybody get on top of so-and-so" thing in the schoolyard in elementary school I would either run in the opposite direction or join in until people started fighting against me and then I'd run in the opposite direction.


I didn't stick up for myself in high school when I was picked on from grades 7 through 10, and in grade 12 when a few guys thought I was a joke or something to laugh at or about and I didn't know how to stick up for myself so I was really lame at it. I was so used to sitting down and shutting up, I had never stuck up for myself effectively before, I had no creative ideas, I was too f****d up to be able to think about or remember some other people who did it effectively and how they did it. Actually, I never paid attention very well (unless I was really into a stimulating obsession). So I never really was able to pick up how others defended themselves nonviolently or otherwise, because I wasn't paying attention. Too understimulated to pay attention to my surroundings. So after I forgot how to stick up for myself, or even that I could stick up for myself, I never remembered or learned again how.



I also got to the point where left my mother whenever she scolded, lectured or yelled at me. I don't believe that I was obligated to stay and listen to it though. But some people might think it was cowardly. But so what?



And then of course there's my paranoia now. And none of this has happened to me before. My fear of losing all freedom, of having every one of my rights turned into a "privilege" or "earned reward", of being grabbed, held down, having stuff shot at me or forcefully injected into me, having to ask to take a s**t, ending up in a cage or box, being tortured, dying at some horrible behavioral institution and having my death blamed on "natural causes" or a neurological disability, nobody siding with me, being hanged by guards in prison, having people decide my psych problems are purely behavioral and I'm not suffering at all or my suffering doesn't matter and that all that mattered was how I acted and fit in in this society. I worry that people will think I'm acting depressed to manipulate or get attention but that I'm not really depressed. I worry that people will think that my depression will be cured by having sense talked into me. I worry about being told to sit down, shut up, keep it down, control myself, think of the neighbors, stop whining like a baby, behave myself, act civilized, and you know what? Where I am now I don't get told any of that crap. I can moan in pain and scream as loud as I want and I don't get told to stop or any of the above-mentioned crap. My friends are helping me learn how to assert myself and that the neighbors don't care and that nobody is going to call the cops if I shout out in pain because I have his huge physical pressure in my head that can be relieved only by shouting. I've never been able to actually scream and yell and the need passed but it will be back. Maybe by then I won't feel like it's my duty to the neighbors to be shy and be careful and I have to suppress and repress myself to stay out of the holding cell.

I still don't stick up for myself. I'm not sure if it is a cowardly reaction to try to avoid confrontation or what, but I think generally it's simply because I'm busy trying to decide whether or not it's even worth it. Some things just aren't worth the energy, as they are simply momentary things that happen... other things, I dunno, I guess I just get used to them happening as a recurring thing after a while and actually got stressed out when they DIDN'T happen, lol.

I will say what's on my mind usually, but not really in an attempt to stand up for myself. It's more like random thoughts being expressed, and they don't always even pertain to the situation.

I get flustered and cannot express what I'm wanting to say correctly, or my response to such a short confrontation would just take so long to even say, that I can't really find the words to get the point across quickly.

When I'm confronted, I usually just get confused almost instantly.

Twice I should have stuck up for friends of mine but didn't. Too cowardly (but for complex reasons).

I do that, but I'm unsure as to whether or not it's a cowardly reaction... my reasoning tends to be I figure they will say something if they want to, and if I try and stick up for them, I might speak out on their behalf but say things that they wouldn't want to be said, etc.

I guess it could be seen as cowardly to a degree, because I still opt to not do so, but it's generally because I just don't know what to do.

Later I know what I should have done, but by then it's too late and doesn't really matter anymore because the situation has been resolved. I can say over and over that I should do ______ next time, but it doesn't mean if it happens again I'll be able to get my wits about me any quicker than the time before, lol.

I'm the same way. As I have said before, I am basically a pacifist. It doesn't take much to make me upset, but it takes a LOT before I will fight back.

Oh, the IRONY! This topic is very relevant to me.

I know it's not fear that holds me back. But it sure would look like it. It's pity. Someone keeps on trying to get me to press charges over something. They organized others to harass me, and they did it on his behalf. If I do press charges, the case is open and shut. They confessed, they named the person they did it for, and admitted to actually engaging in criminal activity. They even admitted it, they said what they were doing themselves!

Some of them were truly disgusting. One of them tried to get me to commit suicide, others decided to try to force me to be silent under threat of continued harassment, and after the debacle, there were no apologies. No regrets, except that one of them messed it up for their leader, by telling me to kill myself. I asked for an apology, and was denied.

The problem I have is that there were two who weren't nearly so bad as the rest. If I do go forward about this to the police, everyone who was involved is going to be charged with the crimes they commited. I can't just let them get away with doing that to me, not the way they did it, for who they did it, and what they did. But if I do press charges... A few of them weren't bad people, they were just doing what they felt right, even though it's illegal...

Things would be so much easier if I were a coward...

Good for you, and your friends for helping you! I remember I didn't know how to scream for the longest time either....than I started driving 2 hours a day in Los Angeles traffic.... I learned. Still don't know if I could do it outside of the privacy of my own car, though.


I often think I come across as cowardly- even just in terms of this forum. Everything I post for the most part is so wishy-washy and diplomatic.... I assume everyone here could easily just hate me, or at least be really annoyed by me.

I don't know that I was ever good at sticking up for myself- close friends, yes, myself, not so much- but I used to make it very clear that I could care less what most of my peers thought of me, so I didn't get picked on.

I've also got pretty bad paranoia now, for the last three years or so. Mine stems from different reasons than yours, but it definitely contributes to my behavoirs that I could call cowardly.

I don't stand up for myself either so I guess people view me as cowardly. I never know how to do it so I usually just don't do anything. I really prefer not to have confrontation with people...it takes a lot of frustration to cause me to engage in one.

I am the same way...about getting confused. It's usually when I'm angry at someone and it's hard to express it with saying something. Throwing things is much easier:) Though it still takes a lot of harrasement for me to get to this point.

I wouldn't call myself a "coward", but I am very cautious, because my common sense takes over.

I wouldn't consider myself cowardly, but unlike other people I do not enjoy taking unnessacary risks for giggles. I am very logical, I am not afraid to stand up for myself in a fight, but I see no reason to get involved if it would not benifit me or a friend of mine in some way. I have never been scared by a haunted house or horror movie, but this is because I know they are only ficticious, made to attempt to give people adrenaline rushes.

The only things I am truely, irrationally terrified of are spiders, bees and needles, but this may not be too irrational after all. I am very sensative to sharp pains, find getting shots unbearably painful (It took 4 nurses and a doctor over 5 minutes of struggling with me to hold me down to get a blood test, and this was before puberty) and bees and spiders also cause sharp pains. Spiders can also be harmful or deadly, and I live in an area where brown recluse spiders also live.

I wouldn't really call it cowardice... many of us are highly neurotic by nature.

Sure it may appear cowardly in the eyes of some people, but would you really call it that?

At times, I sometimes talk about confidence and courage... and how I believe that, similar though they are, I think you can have one without the other.

For instance, I myself believe I have a lot of courage, but sometimes somewhat lack in the confidence area... and lacking confidence can appear cowardly in the eyes of people if they're judging something purely by face value or whatnot.

I used to be, but not any more. Whenever there's trouble that doesn't involve me I walk away. If I am involved I talk my way out and I have quite a lot of success with the truth - especially in more recent times. That's why I call lying cowardly (and I get quite a bit of stick for that view).

I stand up for what I believe in. Nothing cowardly in that (contrary to the views of some I've come across over the years). And I'm also not afraid to act against those who try to attack me. That's why if a forum doesn't act against a person - as long as there's somewhere else to go, I'll leave. There's nothing wrong with doing whatever is needed to protect yourself.

I'll take the issue as far as the courts if I need to - provided of course I have a case! There's nothing wrong with this either. It's always better to have a third party involved in the process. Even before that point, having support of friends is important. Never ever try to fight something completely alone. It doesn't work. Get advice - get help. True friends will give you a hand. There's nothing cowardly about that either.

I used to be a coward a long time ago. It cut me off from the things I need. So now I no longer run. I stand and fight for what I believe in. Especially when what I believe in is attacked and discredited as completely mad and all the other synonyms.

Don't be afraid, everyone. If you are alone and have no friends, that's OK. I for one understand that sort of hold back, and it's a rotten one. If what you are fighting is a legal issue though, don't be afraid to talk to the police (if it's a criminal thing) or a legal aid lawyer (if it's a civil thing). If you have a legit problem, they will help you. So will a good psych as long as they aren't a quack.

I'm the world's biggest coward. Just don't tell anybody I said that.

Yeah, in recent months I've come to realize I haven't an ounce of courage in me. >_< And I hate that so much. Makes no sense to me how I can value my life so little, yet still refuse to take any risks with it, even in the defense of friends or noble causes.

I found it really hard to stand up to my father... it was a great source of stress for my girlfriend because he felt a few things about her that weren't true, and because I didn't stick up for her he believed them.

I can't even stand up for myself. I wish I knew why. Maybe, like Ana, I never learned how.

Yeah, that would be it. All my life I was told to never hit the bullies back. Never talk back. Do as your told and keep your mouth shut. I haven't learned any better.