Need to be alone

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Because it's summertime, I've been stuck home with my mom and my brother for quite some time. Also, I've been going to summerschool in the mornings and I have work about two or three times a week.

I feel increasingly more trapped the more I'm surrounded by people. I have the intense feeling to run away. Last night I felt so trapped I thought about ways to commit suicide. I knew that I wouldn't do it, but I thought about it. For some reason it was comforting, knowing that there was an easy way out.

I thought this might be a good place to put something others would think is weird or disturbing. No one I know really likes to be alone, and I just felt like I needed to tell someone.

Thanks for reading this

Not uncommon really...many people who have been suicidal in the past, or have been cutters seem to use suicidal thinking as a replacement for other self destructive behaviors....sometimes the thoughts can get rather bizzare...I've had clients reveal thoughts about being smashed with concrete blocks and pushing themselves off of tall buildings in office chairs...it often seems to be a stage that people go through as they are starting to feel better...however, if you begin to have serious thoughts about harming yourself...you need to tell sombody.

I don't lnow if any of this applies to you directly...but thought someone might find it useful.

You're not the only one. The longest I've ever spent in the constant presence of other people is a week (ill-fated vacation) and I ended up panicked and barely able to stop myself from hitting someone or screaming. I have to have a certain amount of time in complete solitude and safety.

You need to find a place that's yours and spend enough time there to calm down. If your bedroom doesn't work, try going for walks - it doesn't matter where to - parks, the corner of an alley somewhere, wherever. I don't think it's weird or disturbing at all. I'd guess it's a fact of life for many people on the spectrum.

You might want to consider having the moderators move this to the members only forum.

Last edited by Sean on 02 Mar 2006, 5:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That might be a good idea. I thought I had, but apperently not.

Thanks everyone for being so kind. You are all such wonderful people.

I actually have found a place all to myself, but it's outside and I hate hot weather and I've developed a recent and terrible allergy to mosquitoes, so I'm afraid to go outside in the summer.

Thank you again, everyone

I'm the opposite. Too little positive social contact leads me to suicidal ideation sometimes. I first become bored and then maybe angry or sad. After that I might start to think how I keep trying to improve my social experiences and failing. This leads me to wonder if I'll ever be able to make friends or have a girlfriend. Sometimes it gets to the point where I might hold my breath for a minute or so or think about my heart being slashed with a dagger. These bouts of depression usually come at night and particularly on weekends, when people my age typically are out enjoying themselves and I'm not.

It's interesting - professionals seem to think the autistic spectrum is a form of extreme introversion, but I think we run the same gamut of introversion-extroversion as NT's do. For people who regain their energy from others in their environment, loneliness can be even more painful when every attempt to socialize falls flat; for people who regain their energy from solitude, trouble comes when they can't (or don't know how to) explain to others that they need it.

I definitely need to be alone sometimes (quite a bit, actually). I've grown a bit more social over the past couple of years, but I can only be around people for so long before I start feeling like I'm going to suffocate or something. Especially if there is a lot of noise or emotion; I get overstimulated easily.

I'm exactly 50-50 introvert/extrovert. My therapist was really mad when she found out my results because she she couldn't analyze me quite as well or something.

nayashi wrote:

pyraxis is spot on when she advised the need to find a place that's yours and spend enough time there to calm down. I walked constantly (sometimes very long distances) when I was younger, to help me calm down and not feel that "trapped feeling" you talk of. Make sure you take a bottle of water with you on those long walks in case you do walk a little far from home.

Be careful, too and walk in areas you are familiar with even if it's just around the block a few times hopefully, the physical exercise will help to alleviate the anxiety. We all need a bit of time alone

The story of my life.

I like to go to the movies alone. Especially in the middle of the day when there are not many people there. It's great in the summer because of the A/C. I also enjoy hanging out in bookstores. So much to read, and I can totally ignore everyone.

I love to be alone, as well. After a certain amount of time being around people, I just have to get away and relax by myself, maybe read a book or draw or something.

I've never been suicidal, but occasionally I feel the compulory need to destroy something, usually something I've made or someone else has made. I like to rip junk mail up into several small pieces before recycling it.

I feel not suicidal, but all weird, if I go too long without interacting with anyone. Which, for me, seems to be 3-4 days, depending on the interaction (buying stuff doesn't count, school does but doesn't tide me over as well as hanging out with 'real" friends). It feels like I'm turning into a hermit and should be writing backwards on the wall in lipstick or something.



I can understand fantasizing about suicide. I used to do it often; I knew I would never do it, though (or at least I was not a risk in recent years). there's a huge difference; also, i think most people think about it at some point or another.

As for being alone, I think that the fact that I live alone has a good deal to do with why I can socialize during the day, come to think of it. I can hang out with people all day- then come home to nothing more demanding than a (whiny) cat.

Sorry I can't say anything helpful...

I like to be alone a lot. I like my own space.

I like to eat alone by myself at lunch. I don't like interacting when I am eating, as it is good unwinding time for me. I do get intrusive thoughts about destruciton, but the majority tend to be outward related rather than at myself. Most people leave me alone, which is good.

If someone by chance has the same interests as I do, we could sit for hours and talk about nothing but that. I need that sort of thing at least once a month to function, and more of that is good, but if that was everyday I would be overloaded.

I like to split wood and break things up with a sledgehammer every now and then

I have a need to be alone sometimes. Any forced social interaction isn't very good for me, and I tend to just get through it and then enjoy the next time I am alone even more. But if I am doing activities with friends, I don't have a problem and enjoy it. I rarely initiate any occasions, but I am always willing to tag along when something comes up.

The weird thing is that I can go a week or even longer with out any social interaction, and still feel very good. Its not really a need for me, not a big one at least. I can sit and think about things, or play video games, play with Legos... all month long and not really care that I am not getting the "proper" social interaction.

Fortunately, in many social situations I am aroud people I like so they aren't as tiring to me.

I have never felt anything close to suicidal though, or really any resentment towards the social situations I don't like. They are just something I'd rather not be doing.