Have you adapted sufficiently to 'fit in' to the NT world?

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I want to be less socially impaired.

The main reason being to improve the quality of life for my family.

I have begun CBT and there is some improvement.

1. I can now sense when I am talking too much and I am managing to stop my diatibes more and more.
At this stage it is because I am making a conscious effort to listen to myself

2. I am getting better at allowing others too speak WITHOUT interupting.
It isn't easy. I start off trying to be interested, then I engage my patience, then I go into therapist mode and try to see myself as a sounding board.

3. With taking things literally I try to count to 10

4. With questions that MIGHT be rhetorical I don't f****ng answer them any more, just in case. If it isn't rhetorical they can ask again.

Crude stuff


Has anyone out there licked this yet and if so has it become intuitive or is it simply a set of skills that you can apply quickly and apply well?


If you have 'cracked the code' please share some of your techniques that work.

Last edited by Blindspot149 on 07 Nov 2009, 1:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I self-diagnosed my AS/HFA a little over a month ago, and I am slowly getting things in perspective. Maybe because of my age and this old dog's inability to learn new tricks, the first thing I am doing is just being myself ... and at least so far, dropping years of pretense and trying to be whatever somebody else wants has proved to be a great relief.

For the most part, my "fitting in" is a matter of intellectual assent and effort. And, one of my bosses is really being helpful. He willing discusses people and situations, and he explains his own approaches in detail.

In my own opinion, that is an ideal attitude and approach. I let my wife tell her friends, family and co-workers whatever she might want to say about me, and I do not ever correct her about anything she has said. As best I can, I explain myself to her (without making excuses or trying to justify anything), and I listen attentively and try to answer her questions thoughtfully whenever she might ask. Overall, my concern is that *she* be as comfortable as possible wherever she is for as long as we both still live.



That is the most difficult part for me, and especially whenever I believe someone else is actually wasting good "air time". But, I am trying to do that at least for my wife.



I wonder whether anyone ever really licks it, and I cannot imagine it ever becoming intuitive for me.

Heh. You need a "no" option.

I was also thinking that there should be a no option. But I voted yes and it's entirely intellectual. Since I do have a job (part time) and am raising 2 kids alone I guess I can get by enough. But I have no real relationships with anyone (other than my young kids) expect for people I chat with online. And basic things can be really hard. I have to concentrate so much on trying to be "normal" that it doesn't leave much room for enjoyment. I don't think I have any intuition at all.

Jennifer

No. I am releasing all that I built up to be normal. I'm getting more withdrawn, antisocial and strange.

I am not sure I am happier, but it is a relief.

I need a "no" option

I had a breakthrough when I went into Therapy. It was only through this process of skillfully greiving my losses, and thus moving beyondthe intelectualization of feelings and into the feeling of feelings was I then able to enter into the emotional world. In so doing I was more able to overcome the sociially crippling effectsof 'theory of mind' and subsequently achieve more that just superficial social competance.

Go well

Chris

How do you define " Fit into the NT world?"

If you mean significant relationship,circle of friends and demanding career then the answer is no; but I can work a menial job and deal with people at the grocery store and take care of my son. I have to nap frequently though. I'm usually the one enduring the person who won't stop interrupting and talking.

Academically speaking, yes. I function in structured environments very well, even when it comes to teamwork. I almost always end up being the leader of the group, and like planning all of the group activities and distributing workload among team members according to their preferences.

Socially speaking, no. When emotion becomes involved in a conversation, I either escape the conversation or try to switch the topic. I begin to stammer, mumble, and make very long pauses when talking about emotional matters, and that's when I'm asked a specific question. When it boils down to the type of conversation that heavily relies on nonverbal cues, I cannot participate at all and try to escape such situations because they make me very, very nervous due to confusion and the emotional pressure.

I can make reasonable amounts of eye contact with certain people, and over the years, by mimicking others, I've learned how to handle myself in an appropriate way in most cases. I do have to think about it, though, all the time, and after periods when I focus on coming across as an NT I need lots of time to recharge. It gives me immense amounts of anxiety.

In terms of managing my life, I've developed techniques of coping after learning about AS. I've began to write down the things that have to be done (making lists of tasks), and also when taking messages on the phone I write down everything now.

yes, i have managed to fit into the NT world- i manage to pass for an NT most of the time, to most people i'm just a bit shy & eccentric. I rarely discuss Aspergers to anyone except 1 or 2 friends (a lot of my friends are NT and unaware) I was diagnosed around 12 and i was in denial for ages and it was making me very depressed-

i used to get bullied quite badly (ironically some of these bullies were also AS!) so i had to adapt my behaviour- I am using this site to communicate with other AS people who share my interests.

No, not really, nor do I want to. I leave the mainstream to feed on itself.

I think I was able to manage fairly well from about 21 through about 40, when for some reason beyond my ken, both my abilities and my desire to fit in began to decline rapidly. Fortunately just a few years into that downward cycle I discovered what AS was and was formally diagnosed.

At this point,I have good days and bad days, but I just don't have the mental energy anymore to keep that mask on constantly. I try, but its just not there anymore. Maybe I was always this inept and I'm just aware of it now.

All things being said though, I think both myself and everyone who knew me all my life knew I was not like everybody else, though nobody had a name for that difference. But the only people who had a problem with it were the management pr**ks I worked for.

I pretty much do. No one bullies me or screams at me anymore except for those else on the spectrum (i.e. my family).

Wow, same here! I'm not working out with the public anymore thankfully, and I'm still working through I guess the "acceptance" of having Aspergers.
Although there are days when that seems as bad as the days back when I worked.

I'm doing fine in any formal situation, or in any social occasion which I know will not be repeated.

As long as I can hide behind knowledge, humour or some other facade I get by, but when I'm tired or stressed out all masks fall off and I feel exposed and extremely vulnerable and thus a pray for emotional vultures.

If I don't get my fair share of solitude and time for myself, I can't function properly. The only thing that saves me is learned behaviour, experience and knowing that it's been much worse than it is now and that although I'm bound to screw up eventually, there's nothing I can do about it - other people move in mysterious ways and are predictable only to a very small degree.

My formula for success is limiting any kind of contact, and that which is necessary to make as formal as possible, sort of trade with as little as possible emotional and personal entailment. Strangely even some NTs prefer it that way which suit me perfectly.

I honestly don't know as for the most part, I don't interract with the rest of the world out there at all
seriously, I keep myself to myself, so i do not know.
I feel different to others, but whether I am is another matter entirely.