Same-sex assessment of DATE-MAGNETISM

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I read a study that said AS folks will rank opposite sex individual's attractiveness in similar order to what NT's would. However, the ranking of same-sex attractiveness (who would be your biggest competition for dates) was pretty much random for aspies. I don't think anyone in the study was gay, so an interesting question was missed.

Anyway, I definitely fit this pattern. Women have infinite shades of attractiveness for me, while men appear to me to be mostly the same. To keep up with teenage and young adult conversations, I used to have to memorize which male movie stars were considered to be the the best looking. I don't bother any more.

So I have two questions:

1) Do other heterosexual aspies have a blind spot for who is the biggest competition for dates due to looks?

2) Does the situation ever switch for gay aspies (you can't tell which opposite sex folks are the biggest date-magnets)?

Heterosexual here, and I haven't the slightest idea of what women find attractive in a man, nor do I have any real judgment of the attractiveness of other men.

Part of my problem with dating is that I CAN'T see what women like in men. I was attracted to one woman that had a boyfriend she REALLY loved, and I could really NOT see how he could be considered better looking than I am. And I had FAR more going for me. Oddly, she was very material, so I was turned off of her, but she should have been attracted to me just for THAT!

My sex drive is pretty strong though, and many women I like are popular, and it seems they ALL get married. Even those that I am somehow drawn to may be ones I honestly rate as plain. That is to say that my being attracted to a woman wouldn't be wholly driven by my appreciation of her looks, and vice versa.

BTW I DOUBT this is an AS thing. Men, at least straight ones, are known for not voicing an opinion, and at least claiming they don't have one. Women are different in that respect. They tend to have opinions of women and WILL voice them.

I can see why this is so. Finding the opposite sex attractive is easy, it's primal and necessary for survival. I'm heterosexual, and I can't tell what women find physically attractive in men, or me. I have no idea if i'm attractive or not. But i'm fairly certain how attractive a woman finds you isn't entirely to do with how you look physically. Some attractiveness features are quantitative, and so obvious to me, such as weight and acne, etc. i've seen overweight men covered in acne getting the attention of women just by acting like a complete arse all the time.

2ukenkerl said

I used to think that this was the case. It is very true that most straight men don't voice opinions. However, when push comes to shove, they will give an opinion about what women are out of the leagues of particular men. I am heading into my sixties and my experience leads me to be pretty sure that most men do perceive the level of attractiveness of other males. They just don't talk about it much.

I think in there have been studies where men are given stacks of photos of other men to sort on attractiveness. The results have shown a high degree of agreement among the assessments. I imagine that the AS vs NT study was based on these previous studies.

You say there was no non-heterosexual representation. Was this all men or mixed group? That might affect the results.

For me it works somewhat. I can tell with women usually how other people will think about them. Men I can't usually tell if someone else will think they're handsome, and I'm not as much attracted to them. If it's ranking in terms of how they would be competition, I couldn't at all say; that's not very easily told beforehand and men probably wouldn't be competing with me in the same game.

Quite often I'll notice women swooning over a man and I'll have no idea what they're on about. Seldom the case with attractive women.

cas:

It was a mixed group. AS women had little success in judging other women. No comparison of AS women to AS men however.

I'd say I'm mostly gay, but apparently in a very different way than other gay guys are gay. I have absolutely no idea what girls or gay guys find attractive in guys, and although I can generally determine if a girl is very attractive or not, I have trouble determining if a girl is unattractive. I generally look at someone and either like them or not. Other guys seem to 'nitpick' more and have very different preferences.

I'm not sure if I have AS or not but I think I can gauge other guys' attractiveness pretty well. In fact, in some cases I seem to indulge in awe - being straight means it's like watching the design of a new car; I simply don't get to the point where I'm attracted.

I only do not go out of my way to voice my opinion because of dumb social pressure. Once an online pal I've known for years wanted to say I should be confident with girls because I'm fairly good looking and he beat around the bush and clarified that he was straight like three times - which kind of made me chuckle.

I get mixed feelings about guys being better looking than I because it's like the IQ thing; I rank high, sometimes the highest, but somebody noticeably better will eventually come along and I'm just not used to it. It destroys a feeling of superiority I normally enjoy and at the same time my anti-envy conscience kicks in and begins to monitor each thought and action of mine.
It's more of a problem with looks as some good looking people have a higher chance, I think, of having a completely different mindset than my own and being able to pose a real threat in the form, say, of harassment - there may not be time for anti-envy introspective hair-splitting. Also any difference in attitude towards good looking people of the same sex - basically being more awkward around them due to the whole psychological/philosophical accomodating I seem to need to do - might be dangerously misinterpreted.

That said, I do not consider better looking people to necessarily have to be my rivals. In practice, couples show to have the oddest combinations of attractiveness. Also, my problem usually is with group/clique leaders, psychopaths and other manipulator of the social environment which cause inept people to get good jobs and pressure for nice girls to stick to guys worthless in every sense (usually themselves-and-a-buddy, etc. . .). People who can beat me in honest face-value ways I have no qualms with; it'd just mean I'd have to settle with second or third best - which is, as theory, much better than my general real life situation.