How aware are you?

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I am acutely aware of my social inadequacies, and one of my biggest character flaws is my tendency to evade that which I cannot do excellently. That is, I procrastinate tasks, avoid talking to people unless they approach me first, and generally let friendships lag.

Something funny happened the other day. I ended up going to this prom-type thing. A total disaster, right? No, it went extremely well because I had enormous confidence in my inability to dance. My social awkwardness became a source of humor rather than frustration. It didn't bother me that I dance (and talk) like a robot, or that I trip walking through the room on about three different occasions, or that I can't sit still for even a second. I was glad to add a sense of humor to the room.

But then I'll just be in a random, one-on-one conversation and I'll just be grasping for any words to keep the awkwardness hidden. Then it's very frustrating.

I'm trying to hold the mentality I had while dancing and let it infect other areas of my life. I seem to be more observant than the autistic people I've heard about, who can just go up to someone and rant about whatever is on their mind and just not care. I go to the other extreme and assume that my awkwardness is extremely unpleasant, but once in a while I have a moment of clarity and I just don't care. It's almost like being drunk.

Do any of you identify with this? Are you extremely self-conscious about your awkwardness to the point that you just shrink from any chance of being 'exposed'? That doesn't seem to be an 'autistic' trait.

I'm aware that I'm fat and clumsy and awkward.

I'm unaware of how some of the weird things I say effect people.

I feel I'm very aware and unaware at the same time, if that makes any sense. I fear scrutiny when I feel as though I'm not sure how I'm coming across to people. I hate the feeling of not knowing what other people are thinking about me.

I have learned that awkwardness only exists when you think about it. It is also very fun to try to make neurotypicals feel awkward. It's like having social power

I have learned that silence is quite beautiful when shared with a friend.

I have learned to avoid people who are uncomfortable with me. I have also learned how to make people I don't like very well be uncomfortable with me so that they will stay away.

I've learned how to laugh at myself. It is really useful.

I feel like I'm writing one of those really stupid forward things right now. I guess that all of this is to say that I've just sort of learned to stop really caring all that much about what people think about me. If someone has been around me long enough for me to consider them my friend, they are going to be used to me being "awkward." And even though I have never been drunk, I understand the sentiment. It is freedom, in a bittersweet kind of way. And as for being morbidly self concious, well, I suppose that that is just part of being a teenager.

I've been taught/made up some ways to keep conversations going, if you are interested... I just don't want to give out advice where it's not actually been asked for.

Cheers.

I was not aware of my problems as much as I thought I was...

I look a lot different on camera and sound a lot different than I thought I did.


Aspie? Maybe... My appearance certainly meets a few stereotypes.

I can definately relate to talking 'like a robot', but I don't trip as much as I used to as a child since I tend to look down towards what I'm walking at. On the other hand, I'm noticing after I have entered the workforce that I tend to not notice objects/people that are right in front of me.

As a child and young teen, I was completely unaware of all the social faux pas I'd commit on a day to day basis. Now that I'm older, I'm so aware of my awkwardness that I automatically assume people won't like me at all when they get to know me. That's why I become highly flattered and amazed whenever someone compliments me, because it's like, "Wow, you actually saw past my flaws!?"

I have zero awareness of what exactly puts people off me. Been trying to figure it out for over 40 years, unsuccessfully.

Sometimes I'm damned good at it sometimes not so.....I tend to find when I'm speaking with people I always try to pre-guess where they're going with a sentence/topic, so I can keep with them....when I get that right, I can seem almost empathic, when I don't I become a conversational clutz!

The biggest problem is when someone says something and I don't 'get' the context initially, so I replay what they just said to try and figure it out, but that means I was not listening to the next thing they said and so I'm even more likely to fudge things up...

And jokes, damn, I'm always so slow to 'get' a joke! I still enjoy stand-up comedy despite this!

I am very aware that I have social deficiencies. Not necessarily aware of each individual item.

Sometimes, I make a social mistake or just plain don't know what to do, and I am completely, acutely aware of it. It's just that it's either too late, or I don't know what to do about it.
Sometimes, I make these mistakes and don't know that they were wrong or awkward. Then they either get pointed out to me, or I just go on not realizing until someone does point it out.
As for the social nuances themselves, I am and remain unaware of them until someone either explains them to me in a rote manner, rather than a social or emotional one, or until I figure out the rote steps for myself, without knowing the underlying principles.

I tend to be avoidant. Because I know I have deficiencies, and I know that I can't necessarily tell where or how they will crop up, I stay away from situations that could be trouble. I talk to people I know, or I respond to questions (not asking any of my own or elaborating on the response). I know that that in itself could be trouble, but it's the best I can do.
(I did get a formula for small talk from my doctor: let them begin it, and then it's okay to answer, after which you can either say nothing - which might be awkward - or respond by asking them the same question they asked you, because that's guaranteed appropriate.)

It's only the last couple of months that I've really become aware of my social deficiencies. I saw a psychologist over a period of a few months last year but wasn't really ready for it. Now, I'm trying to work on my deficiencies bit by bit.

I realise that I don't use hand gestures enough. Using them is an effort, and due to my physical awkwardness, my gestures probably looks like those of a penguin with rabies.

I've gotten more aware of my awkwardness over the years; I've gotten correspondingly more shy around people.

I'm still a lot more awkward than I think I am though. I tend to think I'm acting normal a lot of the time, but I've been told that anyone who interacts with me for more than a few seconds can see there's something strange about me.

i've always been pretty aware of a few things that i do, things like rants, my tendency not to ask about the other person, etc. because people have told me. it's only recently that i've become aware of some things that aren't normal. i never knew that anxiety before any social events wasn't normal (even if i've been there many times and am very comfortable with the people). i never knew people made contact until a year or two ago, etc.

I also feel very confident all around in situations where I do well. Skating. I skate very well. When I am in that social circle, I feel much better about interacting, and my social faux pas take a back seat to what people see me doing on the skates. The focus is on my abilities instead of my disabilities. Yet in one to one conversations, I'm in this constant state of teeth-clenching (even if just mentally) because it is so painfully awkward for me.

I know some of the things about myself that put people off. However, there are some things I fail to understand no matter how I try.

I feel like I identify completely with you.
If I have the right people around me I can become the entertainment for the evening. I really embrace the awkwardness that is me and let it all loose Iggy Pop styles. Dancing can be really fun for me, as long as I don't take it too seriously and I have the right crowd with me.
If I am with the wrong people or having an off day I am aware of every little thing I do - every twitch, blink, sniffle... and I think I end up amplifying things and making it worse.

Most of the people I know are aware that I screen my calls and almost never talk on the phone. I also avoid innitiating conversation or planning get-togethers, even with my own family.
I have some friends that mind and some that understand that it's just the way I am.

You had said, "and one of my biggest character flaws is my tendency to evade that which I cannot do excellently. That is, I procrastinate tasks"
You worded that perfectly. And I am exactly the same way.

And I am always ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED of being embarrassed.
I will do anyting to avoid being embarrassed. Anything.

scumsuckingdouchebag (silly name.. heeehee) had said, "I look a lot different on camera and sound a lot different than I thought I did. "
This is also something I *completely* agree with.

LOI! I used to do that to my ex. I was taking Lexapro at the time and had no social inhibitions. I loved producing awkwardness and he was very aware of it. It was a major source of humor between us. Then it got to be too much. I guess that's why he's my ex. lol

I always appreciate advice, by the way. I was mainly posting this so it might help me better understand autistic people. I am very socially conscious and that seems to be rare among aspies, even though I'm not 'in tune' but rather hypersensitive. And going to that dance the other night was kind of an enlightening experience, so I thought I'd share it.

I moved to a small town six years ago, knowing I would be at first regarded as the village idiot. But I knew that if I stuck around my talents would occasionally present themselves and shake everyone's first impression of me.

And that's exactly what happened.

dp