Mid-Life Crisis...............

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I need some advice, please......... having been a stay at home mom for our 4 children, 1 with special needs, I now just realized how I have life skills, but nothing else that would get me in the door of a job, much less a career... I feel worthless. There is no money for extra schooling,my hubby refused to help my daughter with finances for her college, so I dare not ask for help with myself...I clean private homes and do landscaping on the side, so I have no employment to show on paper for potential employers... I am 41, we have no savings, the economy keeps me awake at nite, and I feel like I have disappointed myself by not working outside the home all these years. We simply could not have afforded child care , gas, lunches, clothing, etc, if I had worked, it would have cost too much... That is how I saw it, and now I wonder if I could have done it. Please give me feedback, what should I do? I am getting older, I do not want to clean bathrooms or shovel the rest of my life, I can give more to society, I love to learn, but asperger's has truly kept me from moving ahead, I have been afraid.That makes me sad to say that, but it is true.

Last edited by rushfanatic on 14 Apr 2008, 8:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hey, it seems pretty hopeless while you are in the middle of it. However, all of those skills that made you a good mom are actually marketable skills. If you live in the US, your local unemployment office or YWCA can help you build a functional resume. It lists your skills first and then doesn't focus so much on consecutive, chronological employment (ex military wife, so had the same problem). I actually listed my ex-husband as an employer until I was able to get a couple of jobs under my belt.

Also, with 4 children and one in college you are eligible for all kinds of financial aid. Especially if you get out on your own (dump the hubby). You can always take your latest tax return to your local community college financial aid office and see what they have to offer you. They can give you a really good idea of what your outcome could be. I say it's worth a try to go and talk to them about it. They are actually very helpful. I would wait until closer toward the end of the year and maybe a little into summer. They tend to be swamped this time of year with students trying to figure out how to continue staying in school in the fall and new students trying to figure out how to get in.

There are state and federal organizations that will help with funding for career training specifically for people with disabilities (for which either autism or chronic depression qualify). Go to your state government's website and search. I had to go through a schooling program in my home state to get a license to work here, even though I was already licensed in another state, and found funding through an organization called Rehabilitation Services. I'm sure there's something similar in your area.

There's also a very good possibility that you are eligible for certain types of financial aid to continue your education. I think your best bet is to decide what you'd really like to do, then set some goals on how to get there.

(i'm also 40, and studying, started a bachelor three years ago, now doing a master)

is there anything that you have interest in?
maybe you can make a list of your skills and what you're good at?
and as Liverbird says, you might not have a correct idea of the value of you skills.
(preparing food, seeing that everyone has what s/he needs, house chores, emotional support, homework assistance, etc,
it's a whole organisation and needed in many places)

I was in your spot...and now have a full-time job. I was getting to old to paint on the side...and my kids were getting pretty self-sufficient. You have lots of skills. I know that my anxiety and lack of self-esteem held me back for years.

Believe in yourself. I know it's scary...but you can do it. 40 isn't an age any more. You can completely re-invent yourself at 40...go back to school, try a new avenue...get a small business loan and strike out on your own... Go for it!

Believe in yourself, and everything else will fall into place.

Thank you all for your wonderful and insightful messages.. I needed a kleenex for each of the replies, you gave me much more hope than I had this morning...... You all made my day much brighter, I need to not be afraid of going out and challenging myself.. You're All the Greatest!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

getting to 40 atm so getting close to midlife crisis

I suggest that you look at your local community college and go for a 2-year degree in the healthcare field. In my area, they are desperate for nurses and radiology personnel and the local community college has a special program for older students who are looking to change careers. It's more difficult to get into that program, but if I had to jump into the work force at my age (almost 40), that's what I would do.

Someone in this thread suggested dumping your husband, I don't recommend that. Divorce doesn't necessarily better a person's situation.

Well, I'd say you have excellent skills in

time management
schedule coordination
fiscal and budgetary planning
public relations
purchasing (you purchase your cleaning and horticulture supplies?)
horticulture

then there's

child care
arbitration (more than one kid? you're arbitrating all the time)
domestic planning
developmental psychology


Without knowing you at all, I can see you going any of several ways (off the top of my head): Build on your horticultural experience and do any entry-level paid job you can in that field. Work up inside an organization from there. Or, do teacher's aide. It doesn't require a college degree, you know how to deal with children. Create yourself as a small business consultant - you've been running two, by your count above. You can certainly teach others how to do that. Personal Assistant - people who work full time and who have families (some without families) and who pull in a hefty salary will hire people as personal assistants to do everything from pick up their dry-cleaning and make sure their answering machine messages get responded to to planning their households (buying groceries, ordering supplies, making sure the lawn guy or the pool guy or whatever gets the job done and it paid....

There's a hell of a lot you can do. I suggest you might want to think more about what you like, what you would like to do, and then look at ways you can make it happen rather than thinking of reasons it can't happen. College, quite frankly, doesn't mean much in the workforce unless you're planning to go into a profession. If you wanted to go a traditional route like that, though, I suggest a community college certificate program in business. My kid makes $14 an hour typing. She has an excellent command of the written language (grammar, spelling, punctuation) and most people do not (a recent study of the workforce in, for example, Los Angeles indicated that about half were functionally illiterate!). Hence, she is in demand. If you can handle numbers, a certificate program in bookkeeping might be an option. People are less competent with money and keeping track of it than they are with the language. You need not be an accountant to find work. Small businesses do not usually hire accountants to do the "day to day" stuff. They hire bookkeepers who can multi-task. It's not uncommon to find a few employers who will only need your services part-time. You can cobble that together into your own business.... Community colleges are relatively inexpensive, and with the number of kids in your family and only the one income, you should qualify for financial aid (grants, etc.) in spades.

The very best of luck to you.

i admire you for wanting to continue giving as much of yourself as you can to society, but don't underestimate the contributions you've made already. sending four children out into the world is no small feat.

You have accomplished so much and worked very hard, it sounds like you are a good responsible person. I wish you luck.

Thank you to each and every one of you who encouraged me with your kind and insightful wisdom...I need more kleenex now.. I am so touched by your words...Peace to all.....Krista