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Dej
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11 Oct 2005, 11:21 am

If someone tells you they love you and they want to keep your relationships, but while you try to talk with them about feelings and open up they sit back pushed away from you, arms crossed, cold expression on their face, blank stare in their eyes, and they will only nod their head to answer you and won't speak actual words to havea conversation what are they really saying?



Lyssie
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11 Oct 2005, 11:27 am

I'm not sure I'd be able to gauge much from that. To me, from your description, it would seem like they were disinterested, but I wouldn't be confident enough in a real-life situation to made any sort of judgment on that. Nodding is simply a sign of acknowledgement that they're hearing you, and understanding the words you're saying - that does not carry to the meaning. So in the aftermath of that situation I'd probably have to ask them "were you listening?" or "did you understand me?" or something to that effect, and ask them to recap what was said...



spacemonkey
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11 Oct 2005, 11:53 am

Well the behavior sounds almost AS like.
It is hard to tell what it means. I wouldn't necessarily say that it means he doesn't love you. But it probably does mean that you are not connecting.
And possibly, he resents the things you are saying, or feels threatened by them.


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Dej
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11 Oct 2005, 12:13 pm

Would it make sense if he has a hard time dealing with feelings? Mine and his own?



Lyssie
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11 Oct 2005, 12:18 pm

Sounds plausible.



NeantHumain
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11 Oct 2005, 1:29 pm

The way you phrased the question seems to imply you already know the answer: that they aren't as interested in you as they're saying. I would hesitate to come to that conclusion although most NTs would without a second thought. My body language can often be like that when, internally, I really am very interested in the other person. Some people just don't communicate nonverbally very much at all. If they're a pretty typical NT, though, you can probably assume they're hiding something and try to probe the matter further as you see fit.



NeantHumain
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11 Oct 2005, 1:31 pm

Dej wrote:
Would it make sense if he has a hard time dealing with feelings? Mine and his own?

I really don't understand the concept of having "a hard time dealing with feelings." How can this truly be? What do people mean by it? Emotions, like thought, are everpresent. What's the hard part of dealing with them?



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11 Oct 2005, 2:08 pm

Crossing your arms could be one of many things in body language….one obvious one is that they were cold. Another reason for a person to cross their arms during a conversation is as a signal to the other person that we do not pose a threat to them. When some people cross their arms, it is to protect themselves or as a self-nurturing-thing.

When I do it, it’s to appear more relaxed then I really am when I am being confronted with something. There’s really many different reasons for crossing your arms. A lot of times when people are truly relaxed they will cross their arms and think about or concentrate on what you are talking about. Autistic folks may look as if they are staring off into space thinking about something else when in reality, they are really thinking about the conversation. Try to remember, some people are not good at talking about their feelings….I am one of them.

It's possible with time, this person will open up more. It's also possible that they may never be as open with their feelings.
The question you should ask yourself is... do you see this to be a problem for you in this relationship?


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11 Oct 2005, 3:29 pm

Dej wrote:
If someone tells you they love you and they want to keep your relationships, but while you try to talk with them about feelings and open up they sit back pushed away from you, arms crossed, cold expression on their face, blank stare in their eyes, and they will only nod their head to answer you and won't speak actual words to havea conversation what are they really saying?


I'd say they are not good with emotional discussion and/or are not willing. That's my guess.


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yealc
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11 Oct 2005, 3:34 pm

Dej
My husband does this anytime I start giving him a lot of thoughts and feelings in a very direct manner. He is a very subtle person and he actually gets scared of me when I am very direct. I remember one time he said when you are so direct and forward I get sick to my stomach.

It might be that he needs that subtle (beating around the bush) approach. Now I have never managed to do that but I have learned the Sean is just going to physically react badly when I talk and I have to say what I want then wait till he can respond (hours or days later).


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larsenjw92286
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11 Oct 2005, 5:06 pm

People are people. That's the matter in a nutshell.


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NeantHumain
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11 Oct 2005, 5:29 pm

yealc wrote:
Now I have never managed to do that but I have learned the Sean [emphasis added] is just going to physically react badly when I talk....

He does?



yealc
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11 Oct 2005, 6:34 pm

Sorry not paying attention. My husband is named Sean and is not the Sean from here. :)


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