Sometimes it just does not stay hidden

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Our parish is having the pews and kneelers reapolstered. They have been removing the pews in sections and returning them a week later. Last Saturday I went to vigil Mass and my pew was part of that weeks missing. I knew it would happen. But when it did, I was stuck. I could not sit forward of the section because those two very front pews have regulars who sit there and I could not do that. Just behind meant sitting where I had to stare across the abyss and no, I could not bring myself to sit there. I always sit just forward of a pillar so I tried to consider the next pillar back but then I cannot read the hymn numbers where they are posted up front. At this point I became aware that my dithering was not NT, my growing agitation was getting more obvious, and I realized I was stuck. I could not sit any of my usual substitutes for my spot because of the huge abyss. I could not sit on the opposite side because by this point I was losing it. So I walked up front, bowed to Christ's presence in the Tabernackle, then to the altar, lit a candle near the doors, exited then snuck into the side chapel and sat in there. It felt a little like hiding but the little side chapel is my favorite part of our parish church. I was able to participate from there.

I think my error was I assumed one of my usual spots would work when it was my usual pew's turn. Except the section they removed effectively eliminated all my usual places on that side of the church and I had not planned for a spot on the opposite side. It nearly resulted in an embarrassing public display.

I just wanted to share it with people who understand how that feels.

I know exactly what that feels like, that sort of thing happens to me all the time. I probably would have just left and not gone back until I was sure all the work was finished.

Of course, by then, somebody else would have taken my spot and I'd have to find another church to go to.

Reminds me of Sheldon from BBT. It shouldn't, but it does.

Offering OP a hug. I'm like this with the sofa downstairs. I have to sit at the side, pillow behind, pillow at the side, otherwise I'm just not comfortable and I give up and go back to my room again.

Reminds me of when I drive around and around a parking lot because I can't park in my usual space.

It is OK to think of Sheldon. I love that show. My beloved hubby is a physicist and aspie and I adore the man. So Sheldon is a favorite fictional character for me.

I told our priest about being aspie, and his response was that our parish has many such persons. Then I realized that I knew some of them! We are older, so of the generation that does not disclose or admit to such. He also assured me that if my best effort to get to Mass ends in the parking lot lot and I cannot go inside, it is not a sin because I tried my best to be there. I love canon law, it is consistent and logical! So much more so than persons.

I'm not the only person who attends Mass from one particular spot, nor the only one who has bolted due to social anxiety, nor the only one who attends from the chapel sometimes.