Aspies and ageing

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Maybe I'm a worst-case Aspie, but in my forties I have practically nobody. Relatives cut contact years ago on the grounds that I was different, weird, disrespectful of the pecking order. Friends came and went until the last round all went.

I've gotten used to being always totally alone, and have come to terms with the fact that it's forever. I vacation alone, I share my joys and sorrows with myself only, I live alone. For the emotional pain of loneliness, I take an anti-depressant.

I rack my brain and can't really understand how so many Aspies on here do it that they have friends. Everyone I meet is a worst-case of "life's first priority is to conform to the group, behave like everyone else, obey all conventions and never question anything", so I don't stand a chance with them.

Sounds familiar.My family havent compleatly divorced me,but they arent interested in a real relationship,just want to know if I'm dead yet.I gave up on friendships after the last "failed" attempts in 1993.I spent the next 7 years with only an old BF for occassional sex inbetween his "real" relationships,I pretty much lived for that contact.Another 2 years trying to develop a relationship with my bio family(that I hadnt seen since I was 2),that was interesting..the born again ignored me because i didnt want to join their church,the sister I tried to live with tried suicide because living with an aspie is evidently fatal to most NT's .

I "accidently" found a soul-mate at 39,didnt expect it,pretty shocked that it's last 5 years as no previous relationship lasted over a year(other then that "friends with benifits" thing )If I wasnt with this person,who is more aspie then I(even thought he denies it),I doubt I would ever leave the house other then going to whatever job I had.

You should actually feel proud that you are able to live your life(going on vacations and such),I think that is an awesome accomplishment.

Krex, thank you so much for sharing. I'd give anything to meet someone like-minded, but I haven't in many years.

Do you find living in the middle east more challenging,since the love of tradition is more ingrained.Are there any "aspie like" people there?Seems like it would be much more challenging to be an aspie in the environment as family might try to hide them away out of shame?Excuse me if I am being ignorant about your culture.Just seems like if you could be a "goat herder",being aspie could work as an advantage but living in a city would be more of a challenge?Either way,I am sorry you are feeling hopeless about finding companionship.We dont need as much s most NT but I dont know many of us that dont crave some connection.Thats why we are here.

Yes, absolutely.

Hello Greentea,

Have you considered planning a vacation so that you can meet some other WP people?

I know there have been WP meet-ups all around the world.

Helen

Oh, so there is hope?!

my family are only interested in my death too, that's always been their only interest in me, but so far I've managed to disappoint them

friendship and relationships for me were mainly in my younger days, and when i was working because work brought a social life with it. i guess at least i had a social life once, so i've done the restaurants/parties/friends thing. it must be strange for people who've never had that.

i can't say i have much people contact these days, i have my dogs for company, i know some other dog owners a bit socially.

I am 45 (will be 46 in about 3 months) and my life is IDENTICAL to yours plus the fact that I am battling a whole bunch of physical illnesses with major health issues!

The few friends I did have could not disappear faster...

Star

Lonesome, but not lonely - those were the words that jumped at me when I watched the movie "Heat". Robert De Niro plays a loner who is the leader of a gang of master criminals and he says these lines as he successfully seduces a woman he picks almost randomly from a bookstore with whom he made plans to spend the rest of his life with. Minus the glamour and hot action of Hollywood, lonesome, but not lonely is how I would describe my existence.

Why should solitude bring so much emotional pain? I seek to be by myself because that is the least painful state of being for me. For not only am I unwilling to conform, I am unable to play the game everyone else understands so naturally. And the punishment for transgressing the rules or disregarding the norms is inevitable. People have never failed to impose a heavy penalty on me for being different. But unlike the originator of this thread, I do not yearn for human contact. From a very early age, living in a hermitage has been a fantasy of mine.

If it is company you seek, traveling is a good way to find people. But you have to get off the fancy hotels and group tours to seek looser arrangements if there is to be a chance to bump into people. Backpacking is a good idea and Asia is an ideal place to do that sort of thing. It is safe, cheap, and backpackers abound. Sleeping in a run down hostel may not sound like fun, but it can be a good way for total strangers to bond. The benefit of such connections is that they are not meant to last and in being brief opens the possibility of a more meaningful exchange.

Cause Zeno, men have different needs than women. Men are lonely hunters while women (like lionesses) hunt in groups. Women need the group, the comfort and interaction. Women Aspies are no different. Eventhough we like being alone, we also need a regular opportunity for interaction, or the aloneness will become loneliness. We are created that way so that we can withstand the presence of children (other human beings) around them. If we were as lonely hunters as the men are we woud not be able to bare having children and interacting with them on a regular basis for years and years. That is the brain of women is wired in a different way than the brain of men.

Star

To me, the bad part is not the loneliness but the having nobody to help me with anything ever. Eg: Work sends me abroad for 1 month. This means all my beloved plants will die, because I have nobody to ask to water them even once.

There are automatic watering systems you can buy to do that. It is a log tube with wholes that you place by the plants and it 'leaks' water slowly giving the plants water a little by little so you don't need to ever water them. Do a google search and see what I mean. Maybe you can make one out of a bottle an a long plastic tube...

I also love my plants!! !

Star

thanks, I love to hear about things I can do not to depend on others!

Where in the Middle East are you? Which country? Do you speak Arabic?

Star

There is a difference between seeking company and seeking validation. We all seek company. I would like to have a regular, enlightened sex partner who can succeed in not making me disgusted with her empty desire for sex. I would like someone to talk to, walk with, and make plans to go to Xanadu. But I do not seek validation from this person. Each Aspie is unique and it is impossible to imagine that we will find in others the image of ourselves. Most Aspies are probably intuitively aware of their separateness and lonesomeness from a very early age.

Are women Aspies any different? I too once felt a deep desire for human contact and tried very hard to foster the fragile relationships, but the end results were always punishing and painful. XX or XY, autism is a barrier that forces disjunction in all our lives. There are ways of connecting that can help us all overcome the chasms and burnt bridges. I live in the world of letters and books. One can commune far more deeply with another human being through the word than with the body.

From her latter posts, it appears that Greentea does not actually seek companionship; what she wants is a maid. That deep womanly desire for interaction might be more a figment of your imagination than you know.