Why do I feel inferior to everyone else?

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I was was diagnosed with asperger's syndrome about 5 years ago this coming June. im 34 years old . My issue is that I feel like I everyone in my age group specfically neurotypicals are getting married, have steady jobs , alot friends, REALLY THEY HAVE A LIFE AND I DONT.

Does anyone else feel this way? I feel so inferior to everyone else.

Thanks Ben

I've always felt inferior to everyone else.

But I've often been accused of thinking I was better than everyone else.

Yep, I know exactly what you mean. You hear about people you went to school with (for example) doing all these things and having great careers, and you feel like you haven't done anything at all.
My little sister has a life I'd love, always doing things, lots of good friends, taking trips....

It's hard NOT to feel inferior sometimes.
By the way, I'm 33.

Thanks for responding to my post. I hear all the time about people i went to high school with and college who just got married or got promoted in a job etc.. It feels good to know that Im not alone in having these feelings.

Ben

I think I can relate, I've been there, I'm still there on some bad days, but I'm coming out of that hole.

My point of view is this: we should just stop comparing ourselves to others, we should instead just stop and ask ourselves: what are the things that I care for, the things that really make me happy, the things that produce positive feelings ? Are they inappropriate for my age ? Yeah, probably they are (If I were an NT...), but it DOESN'T MATTER, because I'm not an NT.

I've learnt from my experience that when I stop worrying about judgments, about what people may think of me, and I just act how I feel, not only I'm happy, but I also get along with people better.

I have had an inferiority complex all my life - mainly because I just did not fit with anyone and anything, my AS diagnosis has allowed me to place some logic around those feelings, now I much more accept that I am different not inferior.

Well, I haven't PRECISELY felt that way, but I had the same accusations.

As for feeling inferior to everyone else? Look at their problems/failings. With ME, after I do that, I find that the only ones I feel a bit inferior to are ones that I respect, etc... Hey, NOBODY is perfect! There is ALWAYS someone better!

I'm 31 and it would bother me if I wanted to be normal(?). My values are so different than most that I'm happy plotting my own course.

I am 43 years old. To a casual observer, I might be considered a "failure." I don't have a driver's license, am not married, and have only a part time job. However, I've had that job for nearly six years now, really love it and have a lot of different responsibilities during the day. I do more substantial work in 4 hours than some people do working full time. I am looking forward to getting a full time job when the new library opens in August. Meanwhile, my current job is very appropriate for my skills.

I am not a mom, but I do take good care of my cats. I had a Siamese that lived to be 20.

I may not "catch up" to "normal" people my age, but I have done better than I once believed I could.

The only area I am advanced in comparison to many people my age is educational attainment. I have a Master's in English, but sometimes question whether I really needed all of that schooling. Aside from college teaching, nothing I've done really requires a lot of education, just a strong fund of general knowledge, which I believe I have.

I still feel inferior a lot of the time and have to fight it off. I think it's a lot to do with poor socializing skills, even not so bright NTs walk all over me when it comes to social interaction. I just try to remember my positive points and remind myself not to be ground down, it's a constant struggle we don't really need but have to put up with. It's probably why I/we tend to withdraw from society. Oh well, carry on.

I feel inferior in that I've done many things, online and offline, I'm not exactly proud of, and feel confined to my house since I don't drive and all...

You beat me to it.

I've accomplished much in my life, but am often considered a "failure" by some because I haven't amassed a large of money or material possessions. However, I have amassed what we want and need, so I don't think that is so bad. However, there is a gulf of difference between "think" and "feel."

Pops

I mean I am 34 yrs old and i have never had a girlfriend, never lived on my own etc.... When ever i go out and see other guys with there girlfriend or wives or with there group of friends i feel like "I WISH I HAD THAT" . iT IS A VERY FRUSTRATING THING TO DEAL WITH.

I have trouble with all types of social situations, weddings, bar mitzvahs etc.. I try to go to them but I get sensory overload. I sit there alone or dont talk to anyone. In my heart I want to talk but I can't especially to the opposite sex.

This is really embarssing to say.

Ben

Since everyone else said this, I might as well say that when I spoke of how I don't generally feel inferior to everyone else, that is very true, BUT.....

In some ways, I feel THEY are better off....

Socially, and with regard to a family, I might as well be FIVE years old! That is to say I have NO wife or kids, etc.... I WOULD have pets, but I am not sure of how best to train some, and currently don't have a stable enough life to have it in a sane way.

As for my inability to be at social events, I really don't care about that. But one of the best dream segments I recall of my youth was simply walking down the steps from a library in Germany with a nice wife and daughter. I got the idea that I lived there, etc... in a nice part of germany, and the library was big, fancy, and nice. It was a simple and short dream, but nice. MAYBE I should have taken it as an omen, and moved to Germany, but I never did. Oh well, I doubt the fact that my great grand parents were german from germany would have carried enough weight, etc...

I'm OK as far as social skills are concerned, but I worry that people look down on me. When I walk past a group of people, I can almost hear them whispering amongst themselves: "Did you see that loser walk by? Yeah, he's so creepy. How can he live like this?" I even cross the street when I see large groups of standing. My "paranoia" is strongest when the group consists mostly of good-looking women. Logically, I know that it's rarely the case, but my tendency to worry about it is just too strong.

This is even true at my job. I often worry what my co-workers are saying behind my back. And most of them are really nice people, with whom I've had good conversations. I try to convince myself that it's all in my head, but I still wonder what they really think of me, and whether or not the niceness is just how they act at work.

Tell me- do you want these things out of life because YOU TRULY DO want them, or just to impress everyone else?

I ask this for two reasons:

1. People like acceptance and status in society. That's just part of human nature.

2. I could be wrong, but it seems worse for Aspies...and I say it's worse, as we've been given this blessing/curse, and instead of embracing the good elements of it, and brushing off the bad elements, so many people here seem to bash themselves for NOT being NT.

Well, let me tell you something- I'm a 26 year old Aspie. I dropped out of college after my first semester, and have been working full time jobs ever since. I'm currently doing my FINAL full time job, before launching my career- the career I hope to continue until I'm a retired old man. Most people tell me they see me being VERY rich and successful. Whenever I used to tell people that I was a cashier at my job, they'd tell me "you're limiting yourself- you're WAY too good for that", and until a few years ago, I never truly understood how. To top all that off, a few years ago, I wound up in a social group( a group of friends), and after the dictatorial leader got overthrown, I took over. Yes, folks, an ASPIE TOOK OVER AS LEADER OF HIS GROUP OF FRIENDS! I also managed to achieve somewhat of "godfather" status in the toy community online, for a while, due to having become the Head of Trend at Suncoast, when I worked there( course, that was from '01- '04, but that's besides the point). Now, I live in Ohio, and moved here from NJ almost a year ago. Well, apparently I interact socially quite well with most of my co-workers- they all treat me great, and joke around....though I confess many times in ways I don't get...BEING an Aspie. But here's the ultimate kicker- I found my g/f and apparent soulmate at my job, too- I met her mere days after I started working there, and from what she tells me, she had a crush on me the minute she met me. And yes, we're seriously dating now.

So, the recap:

I dropped out of college, and am STILL likely to become a huge success in the world of business, WITH my online website that's currently in development, and in mere weeks is up for approval for Diamond Comics to give the ok to.

I not only got a social life( outside of my best friend, and a few others), but became the LEADER of that group.

I work a final regular job I thoroughly enjoy- I'm their model cashier, and I get full-time benefits...AND tips.

I met my girlfriend AT my job, she fell in love with me almost instantly, and we're happily together.

Oh yeah, I feel REALLY inferior...

INFERIOR TO WHAT?! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !