Annoyed that people think I'm high-functioning

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This is mainly a rant in hopes that there are other people out there who can sympathize.

I get really annoyed when I tell someone I have autism and they're like "oh, you must be very high-functioning!" I think it's supposed to be a compliment, but it honestly just belittles the struggles I go through everyday to appear as a normal adult.

I'm not high-functioning at all, my facade has come from years of social training, manner and etiquette classes, and therapy as well as speech therapy. My sensory issues are managed carefully and meticulously. I have to accustom myself to the noise of everyday life before I step out of my door and even then I have to make sure that I have enough scheduled breaks to calm down.

There's a little book of velvet swatches in my purse at all times to finger when I need help blocking out the different sensory inputs from around me (like the woman who always wears strong perfume to work or those damned overhead lights). Whenever I need to stim, I excuse myself to a bathroom so people won't have to see me lose it. I isolate myself if I feel like a meltdown is imminent and I have coping techniques to put off a shutdown until I'm alone (even though that makes the shutdown even worse).

When people congratulate me for being high-functioning I feel like they've slapped me in the face. I know logically that they think that because they don't see the monumental effort I go through everyday to appear normal. Still, it's hurtful and is really annoying. Does anyone else out there ever feel like this?

ASD is an invisible disability, and unless people actually have an understanding of the difficulties they will assume you'r pretty high functioning unless you are stimming enough to rock a boat or drooling bucketloads.
I am what you could call a high functioning aspie, but as any aspie i still have loads of issues. My friends don't "get it" when it comes to why i can only stand highly social situations for a limited time, or why i am completely clueless in some social situations. Unless someone has taken the time to actually read up on and understand the situations aspies face, they are going to assume you are "normal" if you are physically able and appear vaguely humaniod.

Their statements are probably not meant to belittle the challenges you face, they are assumptions based on very little evidence. You can't make people stop saying it, but you can change your reaction to it. It is ignorance more than insult.

This is something Autism Speaks could help with--more articles on what people should say.

https://www.autismspeaks.org/news/news- ... ism-parent

When someone complains or acts weird I miss something I kind of want to respond "you know I'm working really hard at this and doing the best I can". Seems like when they say this to you is a time to say"thanks, yes, I work really hard and appreciate you noticing".

It is just a label, it is not meant as a judgement. Labelling things make the world easier for people.
Do not be offended by it.

And deciding if you are HF or not? Well, that is even for some therapists difficult, so do not blame the people.

If anyone thinks you are, you're doing a good job.

I feel exactly the same way!! !

I have had people assume that when I feel maybe more medium functioning, and it does sort of feel like dis-validating of the struggles I do go through on a daily basis. As for stimming though if it calms you, maybe you should find things you can do that aren't too distracting to other people to need to go somewhere else...I mean I stim around people, and I do not think people see it as me 'losing it' but my stimming is certainly much more subtle than when I actually lose it. I don't know just seems like from your post your spending a lot of energy possibly more than you need to all to not appear to have autism on the outside which might be part of why it feels like a meltdown waiting to happen so much....also people see what they see, if they don't see you struggling and you come off normal enough and mention you have autism of course they'll assume its high functioning....some people assume if you can talk you must be high functioning.

If an NT tells me I'm high-functioning I just say "Thanks, so are you."

I've learned to be a chameleon as well, taking in my surroundings and adjusting my outward behaviour to <blend in>.

Occasionally I get things wrong and you can hear the sound of jaws hitting the floor and people saying "I can't believe you just said/did that..."

Oh well.

Welcome to our world - you're in good company.

Why not take it as a compliment. You are doing well enough that people are shocked and think you are high functioning- that is good. High functioning should not be confused with being "only slightly autistic". Many people that are high functioning are only very slightly autistic, but many people (like Temple Grandin perhaps) are actually very autistic, yet high functioning.

"Mild" autism ticks me off too. I think people just want to look away, so they negate what you've just said. I don't think it's intended well at all. It just sort of erases you.

Here's something I've learned that helped me to understand, but I don't share it very often. It's about IQ. People think high-functioning means high IQ, which it often does. But that high IQ is not even across the board. Mine wobbles above and below Normal, then peaks right off the top of the page for Verbal, then comes back down to wobbling below and above Normal. Finally! Now I know why I'm an egghead that can't boil an egg. Why I'm spectacularly good at some things and totally lost at others.

Knowing why I do this helps me face the idiots who have opinions about me.

High-functioning only means lack of intellectual disability.