Does anyone else have this. I almost always find that I can get intensely interested in the idea of being interested in something, but when it comes to carrying out the interest I either get bored or have to force myself and it becomes a chore rather than enjoyable.
Some examples. When I was a kid I was into horses and I made a list of horses names, one for each colour, in reverse order of preference. I enjoyed looking at this list and decided I would pretend to be riding each horse in turn, but I never got beyond the first horse on the list (my least favorite colour) - I would get bored before I felt I had played enough with that horse.
As an adult I have experienced this much more. In the past year I have really really wanted to learn the violin - when I see someone playing it I get this strong yearning to do it. So I bought a violin and some music and have lessons. And I still have this yearning, but I have to wonder whether I actually enjoy playing it or not as I have to force myself to do it, sometimes even dread it.
Also in the past year I got into the idea of reading classic french literature (in french) and philosophy (in english). I enjoyed going to the shop, or amazon online and choosing which books I would read, enjoyed lining them up in my bookcase and thinking about how nice it would be to read them one by one, but when I get to the actual reading part again I find my mind start to wander, I have to force myself to do it, it isnt enjoyable. Even though I still want to read these books (just possessing them isnt enough and not even enjoyable any more), it is a real chore to do it.
And these arent the only things - in the past the same thing has happened with learning the guitar, learning Italian, various sports - in each case I have never got particularly good at the activity in question and it means that I spend the vast majority of my free time in activities that I am not actually enjoying - but if I dont do them I feel really bad because I want to do them and become good at them and I have planned to do them - if I do decide to give them a miss I just end up skimming the internet, reading simple fiction books and eating, none of which makes me feel very good afterwards, I feel as though I waste my time, as its just easy.
Does anyone else experience this or do you all enjoy your special interests? I dont even know whether these things count as special interests because the interest is in the idea rather than the practise of it, but there is definately some obsession in it - only last week I bought some new violin books (I needed a new one) and have been thinking how nice it will be to do the exercises one by one and get better at them, but in reality it isnt that nice at all. ![Sad :(](./images/smilies/icon_sad.gif)