What's the appropriate behavior in this situation?

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Greentea
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20 Apr 2008, 2:46 pm

When someone asks you a favor that would be detrimental for you to do, and you explain politely that you can't, but they keep talking and talking and talking to try and persuade you, what is the appropriate thing to do?


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sgrannel
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20 Apr 2008, 3:00 pm

Don't do it. Why do they persist and why is the favor detrimental? I wanted to do a favor for a friend once by keeping her cats at my place, but that involves a lot of time, effort and risk. I realize that doing this favor would have given the friend a reason to see me once in a while, but I wasn't in a good position, because of my living situation and lack of leftover energy after demands that are being made on me. I have been gone for months at a time, extremely busy with papers, conferences, a road trip, and a patent, and I can't afford to damage my apartment, or press my luck any further with keeping more pets, or take the risk that the cats might eat my bird. My first obligation is to care for and ensure the safety of the animal I already have.


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velodog
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20 Apr 2008, 3:06 pm

Tell them to piss off in an unambiguous manner. :evil:



ross54
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20 Apr 2008, 4:20 pm

Greentea wrote:
When someone asks you a favor that would be detrimental for you to do, and you explain politely that you can't, but they keep talking and talking and talking to try and persuade you, what is the appropriate thing to do?
It's perfectly appropriate to decline to do someone a favor. Once you make your decision, refuse to discuss the matter any further. It is extremely rude of someone to continue to nag you, after that. If you were to consent to do overly burdensome favors for someone, their requests could become even more unreasonable over time. I know this to be true from personal experience. Ross



Greentea
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20 Apr 2008, 4:27 pm

ross54 wrote:
refuse to discuss the matter any further.


What is an appropriate way to refuse to discuss the matter any further? This is the part I'm having trouble with.


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zghost
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20 Apr 2008, 4:52 pm

Quote:
What is an appropriate way to refuse to discuss the matter any further? This is the part I'm having trouble with.

Firmly. If that doesn't work (some people just won't take no for an answer), resort to rudeness. Sometimes that's all that works.



ross54
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20 Apr 2008, 4:58 pm

Greentea wrote:
ross54 wrote:
refuse to discuss the matter any further.


What is an appropriate way to refuse to discuss the matter any further? This is the part I'm having trouble with.
This a circumstance where a *little* bluntness is quite in order. I'll assume this person is a friend you want to keep, if possible. Say something like the following: 'I can't do what you ask, please don't ask me again!' Say this in a strong voice. If the person still persists, then say: 'I'm sorry but I have to go now.', and walk away, hang up the 'phone, terminate the computer connection, whichever applies. Anyone who persists in nagging you past this point is not being a friend. Hope this helps. Ross



Greentea
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20 Apr 2008, 5:45 pm

ross54 wrote:
Say something like the following: 'I can't do what you ask, please don't ask me again!' Say this in a strong voice. If the person still persists, then say: 'I'm sorry but I have to go now.', and walk away, hang up the 'phone, terminate the computer connection, whichever applies. Anyone who persists in nagging you past this point is not being a friend. Hope this helps. Ross


This was a stranger who wanted me to open the door of my apt. to see it, because he heard from the landlord that it's for sale. I opened the door the first time, and told him to arrange a visit with the landlord. He came back later, I didn't open the door and told him again to arrange a visit with the landlord. He continued asking through the door to see the apt., so I told him again to arrange with the landlord. He continued, so I just stopped talking to him. Eventually, I heard him leave. Was I too rude?


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ross54
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20 Apr 2008, 6:14 pm

Greentea wrote:
ross54 wrote:
Say something like the following: 'I can't do what you ask, please don't ask me again!' Say this in a strong voice. If the person still persists, then say: 'I'm sorry but I have to go now.', and walk away, hang up the 'phone, terminate the computer connection, whichever applies. Anyone who persists in nagging you past this point is not being a friend. Hope this helps. Ross


This was a stranger who wanted me to open the door of my apt. to see it, because he heard from the landlord that it's for sale. I opened the door the first time, and told him to arrange a visit with the landlord. He came back later, I didn't open the door and told him again to arrange a visit with the landlord. He continued asking through the door to see the apt., so I told him again to arrange with the landlord. He continued, so I just stopped talking to him. Eventually, I heard him leave. Was I too rude?
Too rude? Not from where I stand. A stranger is not due even as much latitude as a friend would be. Opening the door to a stranger without first checking with the landlord probably wasn't a good idea. Aside from that your instincts guided you well. Ross