how do you deal with inertia.

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it's funny, i've been using that word to describe to my husband how i've felt when trying to do something, anything really, and now i find that that's exactly what it's called.

but how do you deal with it. i've read tons of books, come up with routines, written lists, all that. i KNOW what i need to do, but just knowing that makes me not do it. it's so damn frustrating.

it's almost like i have ODD with myself. the more i want to make myself do something, the more i CAN'T do it.

when i was little, as i would be falling asleep, i'd of course close my eyes. but i'd still be awake. and i would want to open my eyes, but somehow made myself not open my eyes to the point where i would start to panic that i couldn't open my eyes, even though i knew that i could, but just wouldn't or couldn't make myself do it. this would go on for like 10 minutes, which in this kind of situation seems like an eternity.

anyway, i have a housekeeping service that comes every two weeks. just once i'd like to keep the house tidy for more than one day. but i never can. the laundry is in piles and i no longer know what's clean and what's dirty, so i have to redo all of it, so of course i'm so overwhelmed i've done none of it.

i ran the dishwasher yesterday, and it's running now, but the sink is still piled high with dishes.

my dining room table is buried under papers again.

i'm so sick of living this way. of never being able to have my kids' friends over. but i get paralyzed so easily. it seems that after a rare time that i actually break out and manage to get something done, the inertia gets even worse afterwords.

i haven't gotten around to making an appointment to get an actual diagnosis - gee surprised. on the "aspie-quiz" i scored just as high on ADD/ADHD as i did for AS. do they give drugs for adult ADD/ADHD? would they help? because just knowing what to do isn't helping at all. i just feel really stupid and lazy and worthless.

i know what you mean, and have absolutely no advice.

i do stuff in bursts or when it gets totally necessary, and also noticed recently that i'm only embarrassed about certain people seeing the place like that. People I really like it's no problem.

Last Friday i tidied away, binned, and filed, papers that had been sitting without moving on the floor of my room for months, so long there was a 1 cm high fluff/dust ridge round them when i picked them up.

i have minimised the most i can.

I read a Dick Francis book a while back, and it turns out that most of them were written by him and his wife together, and there's one scene where a woman in a daze comes into the bedraggled looking room, and throws dead flowers out the window, dumps toys in a big chest behind sofa, and gives food left on a plate to the dog, etc, and the "narrator" remarks; there's someone who'd got the time and motion logistics worked out.

That's a bit like me, and the place is dusty, fluffy, and washing up hangs around, sometimes awfully, and washing only gets done when the bucket is overflowing and the papa of my son is desperate for shirts, but food still gets on the table, and my son is happy and healthy, and i am mostly, and so I persuade myself it's alright.

But sorry, no tips i'm afraid. Best wishes.

Last edited by ouinon on 23 Apr 2008, 1:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.

normally I'm a very driven person, as long as it's something academic. But lately I'm finding it hard to pick up a math book. :S I'm not depressed; in fact, I'm actually quite happy lately :D but I hate to think that I'm losing my love of numbers :S perhaps it's just a lazy week.

We all feel like that every so often, and some more than others. I hate that feeling, but I can't really give you much in the way of advice, sorry. :S

There used to be a site called Flylady.com It was awesome. I used to get so overwhelmed with housework and stuff...but this saved my butt!

It basically breaks it down into manageable chunks, and changes the way you think about it.

It CAN be done...don't despair...I know I did.

In regards to cleaning...start with a timer and 15 minutes. I mean it...just that much. Stay in one area...start with the sink. Or even just unload those clean dishes...and STOP. Schedule another 15 min in another hour. This time take a garbage bag and throw out 25 things. Anything from dirty napkins to flyers to the pens that don't work. Then STOP.

I've got TONS of suggestions...there are ways to do it. PM me if you want...but you can do it. Let's face it...what's 15 minutes? AND you get to stop afterwards. Furthermore...no one expects you to get it ALL done. That's WAY too much. Even if all you do is unload the dishwasher and fill it again...or even wash two pots...it DOESNT mean you have to clean the whole kitchen. You are washing 2 pots. and STOP. Housework is a process....

Good luck.

I'm exactly the same way. The more I want to do something, the less likely I am actually to do it. My mom has the same problem. My therapist has told me that I really need to schedule my day, and I'm trying to do that, with little success so far. I'm going to keep trying, though, and hopefully I will be more productive.

Edit: DevonB - very good advice. When I set out to do something, like, say, practice guitar, I feel like I have to practice for five hours, incorporating ear-training, drills, etc. etc., and I never just pick up the guitar for fun. In fact, I never pick it up at all, because I'm so overwhelmed by all of the practicing that I perceive I have to do. My goal is simply to get in the habit of playing for fun a few minutes every day, instead of letting it sit there for weeks at a time collecting dust, and THEN I can worry about more structured practicing.

I make bargains, negotiate with myself as I go along, in the moment-cannot force self to adhere to pre-set schedule or list (unless it's of things I absolutely must do). Anything that can be delayed will be avoided for as long as I can get away with it. Sometimes it's the simple issue of "I want this (task) done, but I sure don't want to do it (myself)". Have to tempt or bribe self into doing things, it works only to limited extent.

My behaviors can be paradoxical, because most of the time, I do what I like & don't do what I dislike. Yet there are occasions where I really want to do something but I can't bring myself to do so, for complex reasons that aren't wholly clear to me. Do have resistance to many activities/actions, but not due to presence of other people-and am easily overwhelmed/intimidated by all the things I should do but haven't.

Merely thinking about it makes me tired & want to nap, rather than torment self about my ineffectiveness & inefficiency, and all the while, dust & cat hair pile up around me. Life just keeps getting dirty, even if I don't do anything. Cleaning involves confronting dirt/grime, and I'm easily grossed-out, so I can't ever keep up with maintenence. After I've washed dishes, I don't want to eat-because then that'll make more dirty dishes that I'll have to clean. Aargh !

Comments I wrote elsewhere (a couple years ago) on subject which I call "Defiant of self"-
"My mind says one thing, then I contradict myself. Back & forth I argue w/myself, unable to pick a side & stick to it. Unable to decide on an action. Stuck, trying to prioritize what to say & which words to use. Feeling like no matter what or how, I've done it wrongly."
"I'm not "oppositionally defiant" towards others, often appears so because of how my brain reacts. Part of me agrees w/other person, part of me doesn't. Eventually, the other person becomes irrelevant except as external object I project judgemental p.o.v. (towards me) upon. Confused boundaries, can't sense which internal experience is mine & which belongs to & emanates from an outside other. I defy myself, then can't figure out what I really want or need because I'm so wound up in arguing w/myself."

Belfast; that is so well put, and so "me", including the constant argument with self.

I have support coming twice per week and although it's not for practical help (as in doing stuff) but for helping me finding ways to deal with my own inertia, knowing that someone is coming into my house does help me to tidy up the place a bit.

Maybe they can come more often for shorter periods?

I've just thought of something, which has been working for me for a few months now; setting up a support thread on wp!

I set up a gluten-free diet diary and support thread, (in the Members Only forum), six months ago, and it has really helped me. ( i don't know if it has been useful for many other people?) The exercise one that I started two/three weeks ago isn't doing so well, but it may yet pick up momentum and have an effect.

Or set up support telephone calls with someone who like you has some task to complete. The more public the better; a bit like AA groups etc, a public commitment is sometimes helpful. If it is a defined task and are sufficently convinced of its importance.

Start a "Housework support Thread"

belfast, that is simply brilliant. that is totally how i feel. even down to the not eating because it makes dirty dishes.

argh!! !! !

a support thread might help. maybe i need someone on the phone telling me, "now do X, now do Y, don't stop. don't get distracted. just do it. NOW!"


the maids will be here in about an hour. think i should do something about the piles of laundry before they get here?